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MEET THE NBA'S TEEN WOLF -- History of the NBA Finals Part 25

Updated on March 13, 2010


To understand these new Boston Celtics, is to understand not only Teen Wolf, but also myself. pgorner.

I have fucked myself.

The numbers have shot up for these NBA Finals hubs since I started incorporating movies.

That tells me...I've now got to keep doing them like this.

These hubs are now Michael J. Fox after becoming the Wolf.

If I stop incorporating movies, Pamela Wells won't give me anymore booty in the dressing room.

You'll go do something else on the internet rather then coming here.

Well this is what the Boston Celtics were faced with in the early 70s.

They had been the Wolf for quite some time, with Russell and Auerbach in the game.

They were a machine, and John "Styles" Havlicek was surfing on the rooftop of it.

Havlicek thrived off the Auerbach-Russell combo the way Styles made t-shirts, and hosted parties where girls took off their shirts and rolled around in mayonnaise.

Had Auerbach and Russell not been there, Havlicek would been stuck going through all the trouble just for one measily keg of beer...only to go to the playoffs and see that they had about sixty other kegs ready to go.

Coach Heinsohn, without Auerbach and Russell, might have become the Coach from Teen Wolf.

Players would have been coming in the office with deep, heartfelt concerns, primarily as ploys to get him to cut them from the roster.

Heinsohn would have launched into some story about some poor lady somewhere in Idaho, probably with a dead parakeet.

The player would have said "What the fuck? Coach, I'm a player on your team."

"YEAH!" he'd say. "And you can play in a city with TONS of parakeets! Fact is I should come to you when I need a parakeet! Ever think about that?"

But we haven't gotten to the best part.

The Celtics fans.

The ones who came no matter what.

The ones who believed in them.


The great thing about the 1974 season, was that Wilt Chamberlain, Jerry Lucas, Willis Reed, Dave Debusshere -- were Lewis.

Lewis if you remember was the other friend of theirs before Scott turns into the Wolf.

Lewis got scared and we never see him again, except in a display of shock and appall as Russell and Auerbach unleashed their wrath.

There was last character we forgot to mention.


That would be Oscar Robertson.

The one who wasn't scared of Teen Wolf, for he had "faced his kind before".

Auerbach's mommy used to steal chickens from the backyard, according to Oscar. That was...until he blew her head off with a shotgun.

Yet the Celtics beat people with such overwhelming efficiency...they almost end up killing franchises left and right.

It was then that Auerbach and Russell...said no more wolf.

And so Havlicek, Jo Jo White, Paul Silas, Dave "Brad" Cowens and Chubby Nelson would get ready for the championship play Mick's Dragons.

Without Russell or Auerbach.

Mick's Bucks had the best record in the league.

They had beaten the Lakers and Bulls in dramatic uber-sweeps (Lakers took one single game).

Meanwhile the Celtics had stomped on Buffalo and New York.

It turns out to be just as much of a dogfight as the final game was in Teen Wolf.

Little Dave Cowens matches up against Kareem equally.

Game 6 would be the big game.

The Celtics lead 3-2 in Boston.

There are about 40 lead changes.

It goes into a second overtime, and Milwaukee has a reserve named Mickey Davis who hits to put the Bucks up by one.

Then it goes to Havlicek...hits.

Now the Bucks with 5 seconds remaining...into Kareem....he fakes...turns...skyhook....


The Bucks tie the series at 3 with Kareem's hook!

Mick actually takes the one good game.


In Game 7, the Celtics TRIPLE-TEAMED Jabbar.

Dave Cowens was free to create, and had 28 points in a 102-87 win.

The Boston Celtics were the 1974 NBA World Champions.

They had done it without the Wolf.

Pamela tried to hug them.

They walked past...and simply got it on with Boof.

Meanwhile Pamela told Oscar Robertson to fuck off, and he retires.

We never see either Oscar Robertson in the NBA again....nor the guy who played Mick in any movies again.


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