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Who is Marty the Moth's Sister? Another Lucha Underground Investigation!
It’s time! It’s time! It’s…Lucha Underground investigating time! That’s right, Detective Cult is dusting off the magnifying glass, pulling out the tape recorder and getting ready to do some digging. And no, it’s not on Matanza this time; I’m officially getting off that case until closer to season two (don’t worry; I STILL GOTS TO KNOW!). So what is the investigation this time? Why, I’m looking into who the sister of Marty the Moth is! I know, I know; “Cult, didn’t you hear? The dirtsheets reported yesterday that Cheerleader Melissa is Marty the Moth’s sister!”. I did indeed hear that report earlier this week, which greatly pleased me because a) Cheerleader Melissa is one of the best women’s wrestlers in the world (scratch that; one of the best wrestlers in the world) and b) I’d picked her to be the sister at the end of season one, thus her being the sister would make me look good (and I do like to look good). So what’s the problem? How about the fact that Diva Dirt reported earlier tonight that Melissa is in fact not the sister. And with that, the dream is dead. Hold on, wait a minute, wait a minute…
…and there we go. That said, while I may not appear to be as smart as I did a few minutes ago, this does now give me the opportunity to investigate further, thus proving that I am as smart as I and you all thought…man, should’ve deleted that last sentence. In any event, get a cold one, grab those Cool Ranch Doritos, and make sure your phones aren’t bugged; this is top secret detective work I’m doing here. Let’s solve the mystery of Marty the Moth’s sister. ON WITH THE SHOW!
For those of you who don’t know, Marty the Moth is the strange, lovable force of charisma that is part crazed fan, part wrestling mega star with the blood of Aztec warriors running through his blood. Sadly, that really didn’t work for him all that well during season one of Lucha Underground, as he was beaten numerous times by the Prince Puma’s, Aerostar’s and Sexy Star’s of the world. I know, beaten by a lot of stars (get it?! Fine, I’ll show myself out). Things finally started to look up at the end, when he almost won the final Aztec Medallion to compete for the Gift of the Gods title, only to be defeated by Sexy Star. His solution to this problem; kidnap Sexy Star, tie her up in one of those darkly lit rooms and just go full out Robert De Nero in The Fan/Barty Crouch Jr. in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was good stuff, and it was during this segment when he revealed that he had a sister, and that Sexy Star wouldn’t think he was a joke when she met her. And there you have it. If that doesn’t tell you that Marty is the greatest ever, I don’t know what will. WE WANT THE MOTH! WE WANT THE MOTH!
Zero. None. Nada. Zip. How many more ways can I possibly say no? The only things we know for sure is that this woman is Marty’s sister and judging by him, she’s a ball of crazy charisma as well. Beyond that, I have more evidence on who Matanza is than her. And yet, I’m probably going to nail this investigation better than that one. DAMN YOU EL JEFE!
I know, I know; didn’t I just say that Diva Dirt proved Melissa isn't Marty’s sister earlier tonight? Yes. That doesn’t mean that they’re information is absolutely correct, or that this isn’t some smoke and mirrors games concocted by Chris DeJoseph, Chris Roach and the rest of the crew to throw us off his track! I’m not saying that’s what that is here, but I wouldn’t completely rule out Melissa as Marty’s sister just yet. As Kevin Garnett once said, anything is possible. Then again, he was borderline delirious when he said that, so maybe that was a poor example.
I’ve heard people bring up several times how they wished Blake, a wrestler for AAA, had been brought up to LU for season one. Perhaps they were just waiting for season two and this role? I’ll admit, I don’t have a ton of knowledge about Blake the way I do Taya Valkyrie, but by all accounts she’s a good worker, she has experience playing a rudo down in AAA and her connections with AAA make it very easy for to slide into a role come season two. One way or another, I think we’ll see Blake this season, even if it’s not as Marty’s sister.
The world needs more Candice LeRae dammit! She’s cute, she’s fun, she’s an amazing in ring performer, and if you’ve worked with Joey Ryan, you can pretty much do any sort of character and make it credible. I don’t know if LU has had any contact with her, but I’d love to see her as Marty’s sister. Hell, I’d love to see Ryan come in looking for his Worlds Cutest Tag Team partner and getting irate at her for joining Marty, leading to him teaming with Sexy Star. Hot damn, that sounds even better now that I’m reading it back! And yet, Candice still isn’t my top choice for Marty’s sister, which just goes to show you that my ultimate theory is going to be like the truth; out there.
Come on, you didn’t think the woman that everyone wants in the Temple would miss this list right? I must admit that I kind of wish she did though. I love Taya Valkyrie; she’s by far one of the most underrated wrestlers (male or female) alive today, she’s one of the best villains in Mexico, and Lucha Underground absolutely should bring her in so she can show the world what she can do. That said, I’d prefer her to not be tied to anyone; let Taya be a lone wolf who runs through everyone, like how Roman Reigns was supposed to be! I won’t shed any tears if she does end up Marty’s sister, and she is a candidate because a) I do think she’s joining the LU and b) she and Sexy Star have history (as best friends), and I would love to see the two of them feud. I’m just saying that it’s not the route I would take. Then again, I also wouldn’t have thought a wrestler being a dragon would’ve worked, so maybe I’m not qualified!
She was once part of a tag team known as the Lucha Sisters, she’s worked with several of the women on the current LU roster (Melissa and Ivelisse), she can do great character work, she’s got name value after her stint as Blue Pants on NXT…I mean, do I really have to go on here?! Like the rest of these women, I think Leva could be brought to Lucha Underground anyway (if she’s really out of NXT as rumored), and she could kill any role that’s given. But I don’t know; if not for LeRae and the next and final suspect on this list, Leva would strike me as best for the role. Plus, I imagine her interactions with Marty could be absolutely brilliant. Just food for thought.
AJ Lee (or is it Brooks now?)
Hey, what’s an investigative column by me without one wild, wacky, crazy theory to throw out? Only here’s the thing; are we sure this is a crazy theory? As best as I can tell, AJ is now a free agent (though that situation is admittedly murky considering she retired from WWE and wasn’t released), and if she is, Lucha Underground suddenly has some extra money left over thanks to a certain MexAmerican flying the coup. Could it be possible? If it is, I can’t think of a better person for the role. When motivated, AJ Lee is a quality in ring performer, and she’s always, ALWAYS, been a fantastic character. In fact, unless I’m mistaken, wasn’t one of her best roles playing a crazy woman? Imagine her essaying that role again, only this time under the guidance of a creative team that doesn’t think “all women are crazy” (and let’s be honest, WWE did have a tendency to lean that way), and with Marty there to equal her crazy. It’s brilliant if you ask me. If she’s available, the LU has to consider it. Please? Pretty please? The thought of AJ and Marty running around being lunatics fills me to the brim with feelings I haven’t felt since I first heard Bad Religion’s “I Want to Conquer the World”. That’s by the way also a personal slogan of mine.
That concludes this investigation. Hope you peeps enjoyed, and hopefully I turn out to be on the right track. Who am I kidding, I’m probably not, but this was fun anyway! I’ll be back tomorrow with…something. It’ll probably be lucha related. Till next time, WE WANT THE MOTH! WE WANT THE MOTH! Oh, and we want those Killer Moth T-Shirts!
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