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The Only Prescription is More Gran Alternativa! (Another CMLL Running Diary)

Updated on June 9, 2017

It's time to go back to the grind sports fans. CMLL is on in eight minutes, the Gran Alternativa tournament is about to hit Block B and for some reason I'm bringing you another Running Diary. I really need to find something else to do on a Friday night. And yes, I'm saying this all to hopefully jinx the show into becoming a memorable event after last week's was a snoozer the likes I haven't seen since some Hollywood producer said, "You know who'd be a good leading man? Hayden Christensen. I just got a feeling!" But enough about my thoughts on filmmaking; let's get to my thoughts on lucha! Moses, break out them beautiful memes.

9:31: We are live and so is the show! Good timing on my part, eh?


9:33: Our opener is the luchador equivalent of the Cleveland Browns, Principe Diamante, teaming with The Last of the Alvarados Robin to take on Metalico and Arkangel de la Muerte. There's a 9,000% chance this ends poorly for Diamante and Robin, especially Robin. No way he doesn't suffer somewhat for the sins of his family.


9:35: Metalico is out dressed as a policeman and riding a motorcycle. As Kathy Bates said in Titanic, now there's something you don't see every day.


9:36: Excellent news; Arkangel was disposed of and Tiger is wrestling in his place! This match has a chance.


9:38: Robin and Tiger will start with chain wrestling. Aka, the usual.


9:39: Diamante now in with Metalico, because even when he gets a potentially good opponent to work with Diamante can't catch a break. Then again I'm still not sure if Diamante is even that good, so maybe this is for the best.


9:41: This is...this is...this is...

9:43: Robin and Tiger finally come in to save us, but it's barely a minute before this degenerates into Metalico and Tiger double teaming the technicos. Diamante briefly fights back, but it only leads to Tiger hitting an AMAZING SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB OFF THE TOP ROPE! Look at Tiger coming in to save the CMLL opener. That puts away Diamante, and an inspired Metalico follows up by nailing Robin with a sweet Doube Underhook Powerbomb to give the rudos a 1-0 lead. Nice end to the fall, though the Metalico/Diamante stuff dragged.


9:45: #PushTiger.


9:47: Robin fights back against both Metalico and Tiger, but it only leads to Tiger hitting a super kick on him. Match has really picked up.


9:48: The comeback is on! Robin hurricanrana's Tiger to the floor, Diamante puts Metalico down with a Wasteland and Robin is more than happy to hit a nice Swanton Bomb for the pin. He then returns the favor by setting Tiger up for a Diamante dive, and the reverse Goldberg hits a split legged moonsault to tie this bad boy up. Another decent fall as the stream starts to die. DAMMIT STREAM!


9:51: Feed is back for Diamante and Metalico in the ring.


9:52: Diamante is trying to rebuild his confidence one decent arm drag at a time. Metalico retreats to the stage, bringing out Tiger and Robin...or maybe Diamante will just stay in! That works too.


9:53: Diamante went for a roll up by Metalico came in to break it up. He sends Diamante into the ropes and...the two just jump into each other! Was that a botch or a plan? Either way it leads to Metalico AA'ing Diamante to hell, with Robin having to make the save.


9:54: Diamante hits Tiger with a backcracker, but Metalico breaks it up. Action is all over the place. Tiger then tosses Diamante right to Metalico, who hits an awesome sitout powerbomb. Great stuff. Diamante is off to the showers and MY GRODD so is Robin after Tiger ends his life with a Canadian Destroyer. What a beaut. Rudos win 2-1. Solid stuff; Tiger was really good, Metalico worked better than usual and the technicos...didn't really do anything. Such is life for Principe Diamante. The lesson as always; never, EVER win the CMLL Bodybuilding Contest.


9:58: The CMLL is stream is worse than that Anger Management show with Charlie Sheen right now. The women are next by the by, with Estrellita, Marcela and Princesa Sugehit taking on Dalys, Amapola and our beloved Queen Zeuxis. It may be good. Whether we see it or not...


10:01: Sugehit and Dalys are captains. Sadly they aren't starting; that honor goes to Estrellita and Amapola.


10:05: This is still going. Why?


10:06: It's over! Thank Grodd. Marcela and Dalys are now in.


10:08: That was significantly less painful than what Amapola and Estrellita did. Sugehit and Zeuxis in now and is it just me or is Sugehit's look tonight very nice? You know what else is nice; this sequence already, as Sugehit and the Queen start tearing into each other again.


10:09: Sugehit has the rudas hitting each other! She fits a stunner in there too, then uses Dalys' help to walk the ropes and hit a crossbody on Zeuxis while the Queen is on the stage! In the ring, Estrellita does the Jack Evans pin on Amapola and Marcela taps Dalys with a Romero Special. 1-0 technicas. Okay start; Zeuxis and Sugehit were sublime, Estrellita and Amapola was like Batman and Robin.

10:12: Rudas have quickly turned the tide to start fall two. Who cares about that though; there's a guy in a John Cena shirt at this show! That's got to be a first time occurrence.


10:13: KNEES! GLORIOUS KNEES!


10:15: Technicas are in control again. Sugehit slams Zeuxis on the ramp and for a second there was hope in my heart they may be going to the stage. Alas it will just remain a hope.


10:16: Just one problem for the technicas; the Queen is too good! Or at least it looked that way till Sugehit tapped her out. What the hell? This looks like it'll be a quick one.


10:17: Estrellita hits a crossbody off the apron. In the ring Marcela hits a driopkick on Dalys for a near fall, but her suplex attempt is reversed into a Small Package! Sugehit breaks that up, gets a near fall of her own on Dalys, seems to be in control...and was until Zeuxis came in and started beating on her. You know, after she was eliminated! The ref calls for the DQ and the technicas win. That was a really strange match and I'm not sure what the point was, unless this is going to set up Zeuxis-Sugehit next week.


10:24: Guess what; they didn't set up Sugehit-Zeuxis for next week! Lameness, lameness everywhere. Let's move on from the lameness with a potentially good Lightning Match between Guerrero Maya Jr. and Misterioso Jr.


10:27: Back and forth to start with a nice pace. Maya sends Misterioso to the floor, goes up top and and hits a very nice crossbody. The first of hopefully three dives from Maya in this match!


10:28: Back in the ring. Maya is sent into the corner, which leads to some back and forth before Misterioso goes up top and gets arm dragged off! Near fall for Maya. Misterioso rebounds with what looks like a reverse powerslam right before the stream dies on me! DAMMIT ALL!


10:29: We're back quickly! Misterioso is trying to unmask Maya while Edgar hopelessly tries to stop him. 4 minutes to go.


10:30: Back to the back and forth. Stream is really wonky. Misterioso clotheslines Maya in the corner several times, but leaves so Maya can kick him to the floor, leading to an awesome Maya suicide dive through the turnbuckle!


10:31: They're brawling on the floor, Edgar comes out to separate them and WHOA! MISTERIOSO JUST TOSSED EDGAR INTO THE BARRICADE! IT'S ALL OUT WAR! They get back in the ring, pull each other's masks off and are now wrestling in the opposite masks! Edgar comes in to stop the fun. DAMMIT EDGAR!


10:32: I guess they're saying it was a double countout? Man that Edgar counts fast. Either way that was fun, especially the chaotic ending. Can we have the rematch next week? And if not, can we have Edgar vs. Misterioso next week? Edgar needs his revenge after all!


10:34: Uh...they're bring out a rock band?

10:36: Dragon Lee is back and back with his old Nelly theme. How unfortunate. He teams with Mistico and Atlantis to take on UG, Big Euf and Gran Guerrero. It could be fun! It could also be really short. Perhaps it'll be both! I'm all over the place.


10:39: In a stunning development, UG and Mistico are captains. Actually I am surprised about Mistico being captain; I was certain it was going to be Atlantis.


10:40: Dragon Lee and Gran Guerrero will start. Fun times.


10:41: Very quick sequence. Mistico and Big Euf are in now.


10:42: That was even quicker! Fun though. It's UG-Atlantis time now!


10:43: Seeing the tide turning against them, the Guerreros do the only thing they can do; triple team! Poor Atlantis is quickly taken to the woodshed by UG, Big Euf and Gran, followed by them Irish Whipping all three technicos into each other and picking them up for triple Gory Special's! That never gets old. 1-0 rudos. Okay first fall.


10:46: DOUBLE STUFF GUERRERO ATTACK!


10:47: I feel very little has happened in this match to warrant this, but who cares; we need at least one of these tonight!

10:48: No sooner did I post that was the fall over! Mistico and Dragon Lee did dives and Atlantis put UG in La Atlantida for the submission. We're tied!


10:50: Fall three to begin with Dragon Lee and Gran Guerrero. They exchange slaps, Lee tries to use his speed and succeeds. He hits Gran with a huge dropkick then sends Big Euf to the floor so he can hit an AWESOME hurricanrana. Good to have Dragon Lee back, ain't it?


10:51: Mistico and Gran Guerrero now at it. It ain't Dragon Lee good, but Mistico does some awesome shit and MY GRODD UG JUST LAUNCHED HIM OUT OF THE RING AND TO THE FLOOR WHERE HE HIT BIG EUF WITH A HURRICANRANA! This is great!


10:52: Is that Hechicero in the stands? Who cares as UG topples to the floor, allowing Atlantis to hit a suicide dive. Things go poorly in the ring though as Gran Guerrero turns Dragon Lee inside out and Big Euf plants Mistico with a Last Ride. Rudos win a really strong bout. I don't know if it was great, but it had some chill moments, the crowd was into it. Can't ask for much more than that. By the way, that was Hechicero in the stands! HELLO HECHI!


10:55: It's time! It's time! It's pointless Battle Royal time!


10:56: Looks like it's the young guys doing this again. Flyer is out first (to Marilyn Manson's "The Beautiful People". Nice choice), followed by Astral, Oro Jr. (who gets Angel de Oro's music), Drone, Soberano Jr. (!!!), discount Heavy Metal, Akuma and Raziel. Would you believe that took nearly five minutes?


11:00: And we're off! And back in HD too!


11:01: Soberano was just nuking Akuma. Awesome!


11:02: LOL Canelo Casas just botched his elimination!

11:04: Looks like Astral, Drone and Akuma were eliminated next. That means it's the Casas' vs. Astral/Valiente and Niebla Roja/Drone vs. Pierroth/Akuma. Flyer and Raziel are quickly thrown over too, which means the other matches are Volador/Flyer vs. Mephisto/Raziel and Caristico/Soberano vs. Angel de Oro/Oro Jr. Get it? Got it? Good! Let's move on.


11:07: Stream is starting to have issues again. Bare with me here.


11:08: Negro Casas has to be asking himself how he got stuck with discount Heavy Metal. The sad thing is they may win here, going up against Valiente and Astral, aka the Team with no Pants.


11:09: We're off, with discount Metal targeting Astral and Negro wanting nothing to do with him! LOL. Valiente and discount Metal now going at it. Poor Valiente.


11:10: Kudos to Valiente for getting some dignity out of that. Negro Casas is now in to make Astral look good.


11:11: That was fun! Astral and Casas are out now, so back come Valiente and discount Heavy Metal.


11:12: Give credit to Valiente; he's made his sequences with discount Metal not the worst thing I've ever seen. That's saying something. Discount Metal tosses Valiente out and he and Negro get to double teaming Astral.


11:13: ASTRAL TORNILLO! Back in the ring Casas and Valiente are alone to work their magic, with Valiente taking control. Unfortunately it doesn't last as Negro Casas gets his feet up on an Astral moonsault, leading to La Casita on Astral and discount Metal tapping Valiente. I say that again; DISCOUNT HEAVY METAL TAPPED VALIENTE! That's lame. This match was alright.


11:15: Niebla Roja and Drone are next to take on Pierroth and Akuma. If you thought the last match was bad...oh man.


11:16: Is Akuma actually dressed like Pierroth? What a noob. He'll start with Niebla Roja, who I bet is feeling great about having to work Pierroth and Canelo Casas in consecutive matches.


11:18: That dandy of a sequence ends and now we get to see Drone wrestle Pierroth, prompting us to ask what Drone did to deserve this.


11:19: Drone sends Pierroth to the floor, then sends Akuma to the floor and it's double dive time! Naturally Pierroth fails miserably to catch Drone and that dive has me worried Pierroth and Akuma may actually win!


11:20: Roja and Akuma back in. Roja quickly takes control with kicks and a crossbody, then withstands a rudo double team...or at least did till Akuma caught him with a suicide dive. Drone is then in to own Pierroth, which is always nice.


11:21: Drone and Akuma now. Drone hits a few arm drags on the rudo, who then kicks him. Roja comes in for a crossbody but only gets a near fall. I'm getting nervous here!


11:22: Akuma hits a huge powerbomb...and Roja kicks out! Thank Grodd; that would've been the end of Roja's push.


11:23: Akuma hits a Muscle Buster...and Drone makes the save! Thank Grodd for that too. Akuma looks to be owning Drone, but he takes a kick to the face and then gets hit with them Hombre Bala knees twice! Akuma is out! WE ARE SAVED!


11:24: Or are we?! Pierroth just pulled out King Cuerno's Tombstone move (and did it well, to his credit). We're down to Roja and Pierroth and I'm nervous again! And now I'm pissed; Akuma trips up Niebla Roja, Pierroth unmasks and low blows Roja and just like that Roja and Drone are out while Pierroth and Akuma are moving on.

11:26: In case this show hadn't completely lost it's mind, Vangellys is now out here beating up Pierroth with a baseball bat!


11:28: Vangellys is now cutting a promo. The only question is whether this is setting up a match between him and Pierroth or a match between him and Rush. At least the latter would be bearable. Either way this show has careened off a cliff right now.


11:30: Thank Grodd for Volador and Flyer; they're here to save the show, taking on Mephisto and Raziel. Everyone here is good, so in theory, this should be good.


11:31: Volador and Raziel will start in what has to be the greatest moment of Raziel's life.


11:32: Flyer came in to do stuff and immediately got launched onto the stage. Luckily Volador found himself there too and now they're doing double dives!


11:33: Volador and Raziel are in, till Mephisto kicks Volador hard in the back. The rudos do some nice double teaming, but can't get the pin after Flyer makes the save.


11:35: Rudos are in full domination mode...until Flyer hits another awesome hurricanrana on Mephisto. He and Volador then do some nice double team work on Raziel before Volador is sent to the apron by Mephisto.


11:36: Mephisto and Flyer going at it and FLYER BREAKS OUT THE MOONSAULT! Meanwhile Raziel nearly rolls up Volador, but the technico gets out at two. They eventually find their way to the top and Raziel connects with a top rope Falcon Arrow! Volador again out at two!


11:38: Raziel makes the mistake of going up top again, only to catch a Spanish Flyer from Flyer! PERFECTLY HIT! Raziel is done and Mephisto is on the other end after a Super Rana! VOLADOR AND FLYER MOVE ON! Awesome match and an awesome team!


11:40: It just gets better; Caristico and Soberano are out next to take on Angel de Oro and Oro Jr. Could be very fun and could set up Volador/Flyer vs. Caristico/Soberano Jr.!


11:41: Soberano and Angel de Oro start. They actually do some mat work before Soberano hits a headscissors and the pace quickens.


11:42: Oro Jr. and Caristico time! Big moment for Oro Jr. They go fast for a few minutes before trading arm drags. Oro Jr. eventually gains control with a headscissors and we're back to Soberano and Angel!


11:43: We're still going fast! Angel gets control with a dropkick, but Caristico helps his partner with a nice springboard dropkick. Oro Jr. then flies in with a crossbody, but Caristico quickly retakes control.


11:44: We're near the turnbuckle, where Oro Jr. hits a kick and a springboard hurricanrana. Soberano is then in for a super kick and this is just a see saw. They whip Oro Jr. into the ropes, but he counters with a dropkick then jumps right over Soberano for a dive! Soberano then sends Angel de Oro to the floor and there's a 900!


11:46: Back in the ring, Caristico hits a backspring elbow on Oro Jr. for a near fall that Angel breaks up. Caristico sends him to the apron, but Angel hits a kick and a nice moonsault, forcing Soberano to make the save. Soberano hits a powerslam/Lionsault combo on Angel but Oro Jr. makes the save. THIS IS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST!


11:47: Awesome cutter by Oro Jr.! Caristico makes the save. He then hits a pretty sweet sitout powerbomb on Oro, but Angel is there for the save. Lots of saves.


11:48: Double clotheslines by Caristico and Soberano. They miss the second time though and the Oro's get near falls on dueling super kicks! Caristico quickly gets up and hits a superkick on his own, but accidentally catches Soberano, which distracts Caristico long enough for Oro Jr. to get him for a near fall.


11:49: Guillotine moonsault by Soberano! Oro Jr. is out and so is Angel de Oro after La Mistica. WE'RE GETTING VOLADOR/FLYER VS. CARISTICO/SOBERANO JR. BABAY! Good match too. The last two matches saved the show.


11:50: Looks like Angel de Oro may have been hurt. Poor guy. Caristico and Soberano put over Oro Jr. afterwards and fans throw money in. That's nice. I need an ice water.

11:52: In what could be the worst match of Negro Casas' career, he and discount Metal take on Akuma and Pierroth...except Pierroth can't work because he won't be cleared! WE ARE SAVED!


11:53: Well not entirely. Negro and discount Metal apparently win by default, which means they're onto the finals. Well at least that means we only get two discount Heavy Metal matches tonight.


11:55: But anyway; back to the good stuff! It's Volador Jr. and Flyer vs. Caristico and Soberano Jr.! Should be great.


11:58: Fast action everywhere! Caristico and Soberano with double dives!


11:59: Flyer hits his dropkick on Caristico! No cover attempt though. He then takes Soberano to the top and tries to tear off the mask! Looks like Volador and Flyer are working rudo on this one.


12:00: If nothing else, CMLL should keep this Volador/Flyer team together forever. They are working GREAT tonight. Caristico now all alone with Flyer and Volador. We're pretty much just waiting for the comeback at this point.


12:01: There it is! Hurricanrana's from both Caristico and Soberano are quickly followed by two good dives, including an old school Mistico crossbody! Things are heating up.


12:02: Volador hits the super kick/backcracker combo in the ring, but Caristico comes in before he can make a cover. Crowd is going NUTS! They go at it and Caristico hits a modified GTS that would've won it if not for a Flyer save. The youngster then hits a few kicks, but his pin attempt is broken up by Soberano. PRETTY INTENSE YO!


12:03: 900 by Soberano! He can't capitalize though as Volador hits a super kick. The vet then hip tosses Soberano to the floor (ouch!), but is caught by Caristico in La Caristica! Flyer makes the save, then hits a moonsault, then is hit with a Canadian Destroyer by Soberano, who is then hit with a reverse Rana by Volador! NEVER END THIS MATCH!


12:04: Soberano sends Volador to the floor, but he gets caught as he goes up top. OR DID HE?! SUPER RANA BY SOBERANO! AND HE PINS VOLADOR! Caristico then gets Flyer with La Caristica and the Soberano/Caristico team is moving on! That was a fantastic match; best of the night. Everyone did awesome work, and though I would've liked to see Flyer move on, you can't be mad at Soberano and Caristico getting the nod. Tremendous fun; well done to everyone!


12:06: Negro Casas and discount Metal waste no time getting out there! It's a brawl to start.


12:07: All Casas' all the time. I do find it quite amusing that Zackarias is a better wrestler than discount Metal by the by.


12:08: Just realize; Soberano is going to get to work with Negro Casas here. That's awesome. Sadly he also gets to work with discount Heavy Metal; not so good.


12:09: SOBERANO COMEBACK, HERE WE COME!


12:10: Casas screaming at Soberano is the best thing ever. The fans then willing Soberano up is also great. Negro and him exchange strikes, with Negro coming out on top...until he tries a hurricanrana, which Soberano carthwheels out of before he sends Negro to the floor with a hurricanrana of his own.


12:11: Caristico and discount Metal are at it. Caristico gets control, but can't make a pin thanks to a UG save. Soberano is back in with Casas now, his mask half ripped. They exchange strikes, Casas attempts La Casita twice...three times, and three times Soberano gets out! He then gets a La Casita on Casas and PINS HIM! WOW! Caristico meanwhile gets Canelo with a La Casita of his own and BAH GAWD WE HAVE BEEN SAVED A CANELO CASAS FINAL APPERANCE! Soberano Jr. (who in two straight matches has pinned Volador Jr. and Negro Casas) and Caristico will move on to face Sanson and Ultimo Guerrero in the Gran Alternativa final next week in what should be a hell of a match. Who cares out this match went; all that matters is the result.


So that...that was some show. At times it was absolutely putrid, with discount Heavy Metal and Pierroth inexplicably making the second round and CMLL even more inexplicably running an angle to start a Pierroth-Vangellys feud (in fairness, the angle would've been really good if, you know, it featured anyone other than Pierroth and Vangellys). At other times it was splendid; the trios match before the Gran Alternativa block was really good, the Guerrero Maya-Misterioso Lightning Match had some cool moments and the Volador/Flyer vs. Mephisto/Raziel, Caristico/Soberano vs. Angel de Oro/Oro Jr. and Volador/Flyer vs. Caristico/Soberano matches were all good to great (with Flyer and Soberano coming across like superstars to boot). Throw in how bad the stream was at times and this was a show you won't be forgetting any time soon. It was the best of times and the worst of times. You're damn right I just closed this with some Sydney Carton!


And with that we close the book on this night and go off to try and make sense of the world again. Hope you enjoyed this folks; I'll see you again soon. Till then, THIS!

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