NFL Drinking Game: Volume 1.
Take a shot every time someone mentions the word "Gate"
Kinda want them to all get food poisoning at once.
Even you are sick of hearing about allllll the gates.
Sick of em' all.
Take a shot.
Take a shot every time you see a FanDuel commercial.
Let's be real, the first time we heard about this, we were excited.
"Money from Fantasy football with one week commitments?! Whoopee hooray!"
And then we saw another commercial.
And another one.
And another one.
Annnnnnd another one.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd another one.
And soon we were seeing them in our sleep.
Soon, we couldn't get on MySpace without seeing the ads (Kids still use MySpace, right?).
I hate it.
I hate FanDuel.
I hate fans.
I hate duels.
I hate fans who duel.
I'm sick of all the stupid commercials.
Take a shot every time you see one.
Promo Code: Alcohol Poisoning.
Chug the bottle every time the Raiders/Browns/Jags or Bucs win.
You should see me when my Raiders win...
It gets FREAKING WILD BRO.
However... That doesn't happen often.
Misery loves company and I love the brothers and sisters of the Dog Pound, the... Titan Army?
Do the Jags have fans?
Absolutely ruin your body every time one of these losers win.
Take a shot every time you hear Peyton Manning sing the nationwide theme.
"Chicken parm you taste so-"
Please, please stop.
It was okay the first time we heard it.
And then it was on 15 times a day for three years.
I see enough of Peyton's massive forehead when the media worship his dinking and dunking to perfection.
"Alcohol you taste so good"
Take a shot every time the media freaks out about Mariota.
I get it.
He's... a scrawny version of Tim Tebow.
He's really struggled over the last two weeks, and I'm tired of hearing how amazing he supposedly is.
Underthrow a shot near your mouth every time.
Shotgun a beer every time they mention the new extra point rules.
Every single time someone scores a touchdown, we have to hear the following.
1. EXTRA POINTS ARE LONGER.
2. THE TWO POINT CONVERSIONS AREN'T.
3. IF YOU RETURN A 2PT CONVERSION, IT COUNTS FOR 2 POINTS.
Dude. We get it.
The season is not young anymore.
The first quarter is almost over.
You don't have to re-hash it every single time.
You may attempt a 2 shot conversion or launch the booze into your mouth from a distance.
Finish your cup every time the "officiating correspondent" agrees with whatever the ref said.
This is a cute little perk, but it doesn't actually mean anything.
Sure, we want someone to explain what just happened on the field...
But if the "officiating correspondent" was called, that means the penalty was controversial, and god forbid we make the refs look bad.
You know what the fans really want?
They want to hear, "Wow, the ref was wrong, your team got screwed"
That way, the team that got the better end of the penalty still get the play, and the team on the bad end get to blame the refs, we all go home happy.
Call your alcoholic friend to make sure you should finish the cup every time.
Try an ill-advised mixed drink for every Spider 2 Y Banana.
Either you know what this means or you don't.
If you do, you understand why you've gotta get creative and make a dangerous drink.
If you don't, you lucky, lucky, lucky sonofagun.
If you think someone's claim to fame is being a watered down, diet knock-off version of John Madden, set your stomach and liver up on a blind date.
Take a shot every time a defense absolutely fails to cover Rob Gronkowksi.
Seattle tried it with a linebacker.
Pittsburgh tried it with the ghost of Troy Polamalu.
Most teams try it with four or five defenders.
It never works.
Gronk is just. that. good.
Take a shot every time you see a ridiculous spike.