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NFL Picks. Week 16, 2013.

Updated on December 19, 2013

Miami at Buffalo- Miami.
I would like to congratulate the AFC East for becoming the new NFC West. For nearly a decade, we had to tolerate inconsistent mediocrity from teams like the Seahawks and Cardinals, and by "we", I mean sportswriters. Nobody cares about these games. Then, seemingly overnight, they became the NFL's best division. Now we get it from the AFC East. The teams are good enough to push for a playoff spot (really only Miami), but not good enough to separate from their awful divisional counterparts. You don't see Kansas City dropping games to Oakland or The Panthers losing to Tampa Bay, but I have to seriously think about whether the Dolphins can beat the Bills.I'll just pick against Thad Lewis.

New Orleans at Carolina- Carolina.

It's really simple you guys. Whoever puts on the QB helmet for the Saints at home is under house arrest, and he lives somewhere on the stadium grounds. Is it Drew Brees? Because if so, I think he needs to lay off the Vicks cough syrup, because watchiing him play on the road makes me sick. Last week versus the Rams? That was disgusting. I think the Panthers essentially win the division and exact some revenge at home.

Minnesota at Cincinnati- Cincinnati.
Am I a bit snarkier than usual today? Is "snarkier" a word? I'm not sure. But what I am sure about is that match-ups like these are insanely frustrating. The Vikings lost their most talented player... and have become a better team. I don't understand how, but over the last two weeks, the Vikings look like a team that could've pushed in the NFC North if they had a competent head coach. Meanwhile, Cincy can go from spanking the Patriots one week to freezing up against the Browns. So insanely inconsistent. I'm relying heavily on the Bengals "talent" to come through for them.

Denver at Houston- Denver.

This is easy. The Texans offense sucks, and the Broncos are chasing homefield advantage and Peyton wants his TD record back. Could you imagine if J.J. Watt played on a team that had a great offense? He would get thirty sacks in a season. If they ever find an elite QB, it'll happen. Book it... It probably won't. But he'd get so much help if his offense could score and he could just pin his ears back.

Tennessee at Jacksonville- Tennessee.

Yup. The schedule makers really hate me this week. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Tennessee because there's a semblence of talent on their roster and the Jags won't have MJD (or what's left of him), Cecil Shorts, or Justin Blackmon.

Indianapolis at Kansas City- Kansas City.

This is a huge game for the Chiefs. This is a preview of the wild-card round of the playoffs. Seriously. It's pretty much locked up at this point. The Colts already clinched and it doesn't look like KC is moving up or down in the standings. I'm picking KC because the Colts have been a wreck since Reggie Wayne went down. They need some kind of stability on offense. Maybe they'll draft somebody with their first... oh... wait.
Hey. Do you guys remember when I called that bust of a trade and you called me stupid? Funny...

Cleveland at New York (Jets)- Cleveland.

WHY? WHY?! Just kidding. I'm actually a fan of what they're trying to do in Cleveland. Give them a couple of years, the AFC North is hilariously bad, and the other three teams are headed in the wrong direction. I'd love to see this team with a good QB.

Tampa Bay at St. Louis- St. Louis.

Sorry Tampa, I'm off the bandwagon. I give this one to the Rams, who just love to throw off my picks.

Dallas at Washington- Dallas.

I don't think Cousins exploits the Cowboys defense. He might, but good god, they have to fix something eventually... Right?

New York (Giants) at Detroit- Detroit.

Arizona at Seattle- Seattle.

New England at Baltimore- Baltimore.

I hate this pick. I just know I'm going to be wrong. I just know it.

Pittsburgh at Green Bay- Pittsburgh.

Oakland at San Diego- San Diego.

Chicago at Philadelphia- Philadelphia.

Atlanta at San Francisco- San Francisco.
Props to the schedule makers. You thought this game was going to matter, didn't you? Dude. The Seahawks already clinched the conference.

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