So Close Yet So Far: News and Notes from CMLL Puebla
Let’s make it snappy girls and boys. I should’ve had this column out last night after the show and instead I decided to hold off so I could continue my quest to bring QPR back to relevance. Thus far, I dare say it’s going well; you can thank virtual Fernando Torres for that. But enough about the Chronic (what) cles of FIFA, I have notes from a solid if unspectacular CMLL Puebla show to share with you. Is it sad that solid if unspectacular is about the best we can hope for from CMLL on Monday night? Eh let’s not turn this into an existential reflection. That goes for you too Moses. I see you pondering shit instead of getting the meme out like you’re supposed to!
Vega & Millenium defeated Ares & Guerrero Especial two falls to one
-VEGA! HE’S BACK! Did you miss him? Just like The Rock thought.
-Ares and Vega will start. The more I look at Vega, the more he reminds me of someone who was surely cut from the Mortal Kombat movie. What a shame; he would’ve been better than everyone else in that minus Johnny Cage and whoever that character was that the Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files played.
-I bet Vega is wishing he had stayed on vacation right now. Especial and Mr. “A THOUSAND YEARS IS OVAH!” are in, and somewhere Chris Carter is fist pumping over two references to two of his TV shows in the first five minutes of this column.
-Just when I thought I had forgotten how much Guerrero Especial sucks, he comes along and reminds me.
-Nice moonsault from Millenium. It takes care of Especial, and Vega quickly taps out Ares with the Negro Navarro style Reverse Figure Four. 1-0 technicos. The most notable part of the match (besides the moonsault) was Ares smiling while selling the Reverse Figure Four. Brock Lesnar he is not when it comes to selling.
-The pace quickens as fall two starts. Hell I saw Ares hit a hurricanrana. ARES! That’s got to be his first cool move since N’Sync was still together.
-The last two minutes was pretty much nonstop, back and forth action between all four guys, only it’s Puebla so it was very tame action. Ultimately Ares caught Millenium in an armbar for the submission, and HOLY HELL ARES JUST HIT A ROLLING SENTON OFF THE TOP ONTO VEGA! Two cool things by Ares in fall two…are we sure I haven’t fallen asleep? Clearly I haven’t as Guerrero Especial comes off the top with the worst splash ever and we are now tied. Solid if unspectacular action thus far, except from Ares, who has suddenly turned into Magnus. Or has Magnus perhaps been Ares all along?! Have you ever seen them at the same time? I haven’t.
-Guerrero Especial and Ares are doing double teams to start fall two. My interest is waning accordingly.
-Dammit Ares, you were winning me over with your cool shit before grinding this match to a halt! Do some more flips or something.
-Finally; things and stuff are happening.
-HOLY FUCK MILLENIUM JUST DELIVERED A PITCH PERFECT 450! Ares is out and it’s just a matter of seconds before Ares is tapping to Vega. Technicos win! A significantly better match than expected thanks to Ares being more active and Millenium’s awesome final dive. Even still, it was just kind of okay. Hey, that’s a vast improvement from the norm. Have you see a Puebla opener recently? Those things are usually deader than Uwe Boll’s career.
Asturiano & Stukita defeated Mini Joker & Pequeño Nitro two falls to one
-Normally my outlook on this match would be “it looks good on paper, but it’s in Puebla so it’ll inevitably disappoint.” Of course we just saw a match featuring two terrible luchadors that was somewhat entertaining and featured a 450, so I’m willing to believe something good could happen here for once.
-And there’s the other shoe; Pierrothito is out and Pequeño Nitro is in. In fairness, Nitro isn’t that bad. Of course he’s no Pierrothito and he hardly tries when it’s a big show, so my hopes for him going all out here are slimmer than Christian Bale in The Machinist. See that by the way; pretty good.
-Stukita and Joker will start. CMLL has chosen wisely with this pairing.
-That is some unique holds Stukita is putting on. Have I mentioned that he’s supremely underrated?
-This is some very good mat work between Stukita and Joker. Aka the exact opposite of what I expected from them.
-Nitro and Asturiano are in. I expect them to go faster than the other two did.
-It was faster, but it was mostly simple, back and forth offense from Asturiano and Nitro. Stukita and Joker are back in, Joker is sent crashing to the floor with a dropkick and Stukita does a fake dive. Asturiano and Nitro are quickly back in.
-Did Asturiano just overshoot Nitro on a rana? I think he did. Luckily he landed on his feet, which only helped to make it less embarrassing.
-Yoshi Tonic by Asturiano, who then roles Nitro right into Stukita for a Wasteland. Asturiano proceeds to tap out Joker while Stukita hits three consecutive moonsaults to put away Nitro. 1-0 technicos for the second straight match. Well worked for the most part, but there wasn’t a lot of interesting stuff till Stukita’s moonsaults. Sloppy work from Asturiano, whose missed rana and failure to improvise in the immediate aftermath took some momentum from the proceedings.
-Stukita toying with Joker to start fall two. It doesn’t last long as Asturiano comes in to beat up Joker, this time hitting on a hurricanrana attempt.
-Arm drags are traded and eventually Joker winds up on the floor as Asturiano does another dive fake out. Enter Stukita and Nitro for some fast paced action, culminating in Stukita getting a near fall on a springboard headbutt.
-Another fake out dive by the technicos. That’s three. If there isn’t a dive coming then I’m going to complain vigorously online.
-Joker and Asturiano have a slap fight that ends with Joker kicking Asturiano in the head. Here comes the double team. Nitro hits a running clothesline in the corner, Joker then plants Asturiano with a Wasteland and Nitro hits the Nitro Splash for the pin. Stukita comes in and quickly is cranked into an Octopus by Joker for the submission. We’re tied. There’s been a whole lot of fake dives, semi-decent action and even more “I want to care about this match, but it’s a struggle” statements from yours truly.
-Joker is beating up Stukita to start fall three, with Nitro assisting.
-I’ll give this match this; it has featured some really good Joker kicks. That last one sounded like something from a Lucha Underground episode.
-I can’t believe we are living in a world where an Ares match was more exciting than a Stukita match.
-Finally some excitement as Stukita launches Joker to the floor. He hits the ropes and goes FULL Guerrero Maya with a suicide senton! I guess they could sense my criticism!
-To the floor goes Nitro and OUCH! Asturiano goes for a senton and somewhat connected with Nitro, though he more so hit the floor with his ass. Now he knows how that guy from The Mummy Returns feels.
-Stukita and Joker are in and Stukita wastes no time hitting the Stukita Splash for the pin. Tirantes then counts out Nitro and the technicos are two for two to start tonight’s show. We had a solid first fall, a boring second fall and a strong second half of the third fall thanks to Stukita and Asturiano bringing the dives. Really strong Stukita performance overall. I don’t think the rudos did enough to make this an above average match, but it was solid, which again is all you can ask for from a Puebla show.
Lightning Match
Dalys defeated Vaquerita
-Well…at least it should be short! Why we couldn’t have had the Zeuxis-Maravilla rematch we all wanted instead of this I’ll never understand, but hey; can’t win them all.
-Dalys with an AA and a dropkick to Vaquerita. She doesn’t go for a cover though and Vaquerita hits a slap…that goes nowhere as Dalys gets the momentum back a second later.
-To the floor we go. Alrighty then.
-That was uneventful. We’re back in the ring and Dalys continues to be in control, hitting a jumping hip attack in the corner and the slowest forming dropkick ever as a follow up. No cover though as Vaquerita is too close to the ropes.
-This is…
-This is…
-THIS IS…
-If Vaquerita had moved slower there I would’ve confused her for Rayo de Jalisco.
-Vaquerita finally gets on offense with a dropkick. She then sends Dalys to the floor and hits an elbow drop off the apron. Best spot of the match to this point.
-I have no idea how much time is left. Vaquerita went for a Sunset Flip into the ring, but Dalys rolled out and hit a splash. Dalys goes to the apron and proceeds to hit an even worse version of her usually terrible Slingshot Splash for a near fall. This is beginning to physically hurt me.
-Weak Shotgun Dropkick by Vaquerita off the top rope, followed by a much better one in the corner for a near fall.
-Hurricanrana roll up by Vaquerita for a near fall. She then hits the ropes, gets caught going for a splash and is planted by a Sweet Swing Bottom by Dalys. Fitting that her most impressive move gives her the victory and thankfully ends whatever feud was between these two. Weak match. Dalys is capable of good performances, but this wasn’t one of them and Vaquerita just isn’t any good. If I remember this match by tomorrow I will be floored.
Dragón Rojo Jr., Pólvora, Virus defeated Fuego, Stigma, Stuka Jr. two falls to one
-I only caught Rojo as the rudo captain. Sorry; I was too busy reading stuff on the internet. I have a life beyond reviewing this show you know!
-Rojo and Stigma will start. Meanwhile, Roman Reigns is Intercontinental Champion apparently. I wish I had more than one shrug to give.
-Rojo has Stigma in a very good Abdominal Stretch. Stigma manages to get out, cranks one of his own in then rolls Rojo up for a near fall. Rojo then gets a pin of his own and it’s time for strikes and slaps!
-The pace then picks up, Rojo is sent to the floor and Stigma had a dive lined up before Virus came in with a short arm clothesline. Stuka comes in and walks right in what would’ve been a Romero Special if Fuego didn’t come in for the save.
-CHAOS! Stigma goes through the turnbuckle for a suicide dive on Rojo, while Stuka and Fuego roll up/tap out Virus and Pólvora. 1-0 technicos for the third straight match! Something is weird in the state of Puebla. Decent start, with Stigma and Rojo doing good work.
-Stigma and Rojo back at it to start fall two, and Rojo goes right into the turnbuckle after missing a splash. Looks like he may have hurt his ribs.
-Rana by Stigma. Rojo is back up quick though and hits a chop, before trying to tear off Stigma’s mask. Stigma then snapmares him and goes for Rojo’s mask. Are we actually setting up Stigma vs. El General and why am I so intrigued by that?!
-To the floor we go and poor Rojo is eating a Backbreaker. It might be time for El General to make like a tree and avoid Stigma at all costs.
-PÓLVORA TIME!
-Or perhaps its Fuego time, as the technico takes control against good ole Polvy. We get antics, dropkicks and an arm drag before Pólvora retreats to the floor and Virus and Stuka come in to clash.
-Pólvora just got suplexed right onto Virus by Stuka! Good stuff. Stuka then chases El General almost all the way to the back, and that’s almost enough for me to promote Pólvora over him!
-I turned away for a second and El General has redeemed himself, coming off the top to hit a Double Stomp on Stigma. Meanwhile Pólvora hits the Pólvora Driver on Fuego and we are tied. Pretty much the same as matches one and two; some good stuff sprinkled in with forgettable action.
-Fall three begins with Rojo dropkicking Stigma in the balls. And I’m not joking; it looks like he connected full on with Stigma’s poor powder plumbs. It doesn’t get much better for the technico as Pólvora chops him out of the ring before setting his sights on Stuka.
-Evidently Stuka didn’t want to take a Sunset Flip, which nearly ruined a Revolucionarios double team. For shame Stuka.
-Chaos is reigning again, only this time it’s not as good.
-Stigma now taking stomps from all three rudos. I’d expect a comeback at any moment…AND THERE IT IS!
-Stigma with his second suicide dive, this time on Pólvora. Stuka and Fuego take control on Virus and Rojo and Fuego even hits a suicide dive between Stuka’s legs! Sadly that leaves him prone for Virus to kick him right in the face with a running Shotgun, giving the rudos the victory. It looked good during the first fall, but things settled down from there and were just okay. Not nearly enough Virus or Pólvora for my liking and was it just me or did Stuka really suck tonight? It was as if Diamante Azul decided to masquerade as him and no one noticed.
Ángel de Oro, Dragón Lee, Soberano Jr. defeated El Cuatrero, Forastero, Sansón two falls to one
-So this could be awesome and you should watch it! Of course now that I said that it’ll merely be solid and I’ll end up cursing myself for jinxing it.
-Dragón Lee and Sansón are your captains.
-Ángel de Oro and…good Grodd, can the Dinamitas at least differentiate the costumes enough so I know who is who?! In any event I’m pretty sure that’s Sansón, so until I hear otherwise I’m gonna assume Sansón. He and Oro start the match.
-HOT DAMN! Oro just stood on his hand before getting an arm drag in. He looks raring to go.
-Very, VERY strong, fast paced work from these two. They end the sequence with a double dropkick attempt and then tag in Soberano and Forastero. I think it’s Forastero at least; he always comes in with Soberano and does that flip thing.
-YUP! There it is. Lots of speed here as Soberano hits a rana and sends Forastero to the floor before doing a fake out. Enter Cuatrero and Dragón Lee!
-Lee and Cuatrero were doing mat work before the rudos came in for a triple team. Soberano and Oro came to meet them, only to get swallowed whole themselves. Just like that, the New Dinamitas have taken control.
-Oro and Soberano retreat and now it’s Lee’s turn to taste the pain. Lee finds himself in the corner, takes a handspring clothesline from Cuatrero and is then floored by Sansón so Forastero can hit a pitch perfect Swanton Bomb. 1-0 rudos. Good start, though the pace slowed after a very strong start. We should be in store for a ton of Dinamitas triple teams to start fall two though, which is always a plus.
-Fall three begins with said triple teams, with Ángel de Oro being the first victim. He takes two Double Axe Handles from the top and rolls out, leading to Dragón Lee taking a beating before Soberano jumps on his friend to shield him. That, my friends, is why Soberano is the GOAT. What a selfless man he is!
-HOT DAMN did things just change quickly! The Dinamitas went for a triple Shotgun Dropkick, only Cuatrero and Forastero ate kicks from Soberano and Oro while Dragón Lee took Sansón down with a Standing Spanish Fly. And just like that, we are tied! Good finish to a very short fall.
-This is starting to feel less like a big match and more like a set up to a bigger match next week. Is it wrong that I’m sort of hoping I’m wrong here?
-Fall three starts with Oro and I think Forastero. Oro is going 200 miles per hour and nails Forastero with a rana to the floor, followed by a fake dive. In comes Cuatrero to duel with a very over Soberano Jr.
-900 from Soberano! He then somehow nails a headscissors that sends Cuatrero to the floor before doing his own fake out. Enter Lee and Sansón!
-Or not. Looks like Cuatrero is in instead. Either or works for me.
-We get a slap fight before Lee is kicked in the back by Forastero. Advantage rudos…till Lee nails Forastero flush in the face with a knee. Cuatrero responds with a huge boot, but is then taken down in the corner with the Naito Special. Sansón comes in, has control for a moment, but is ultimately sent to the floor by a Lee rana. You know what that means; all three rudos are prone which means all three technicos are doing suicide dives!
-Oro is all by himself in the ring! He takes the double Military Press and a double elbow drop, but escapes defeat thanks to Lee making the save.
-Lee is up to, Sanson is up top and UH OH! Devastating double stomp by Lee, but the pin is broken up by Forastero and Cuatrero.
-MONKEY FLIP TIME! Lee eats it big time, but is saved by Soberano. This sequence is quite good.
-HOLY FUCK THAT CANADIAN DESTROYER! Cuatrero has Soberano finished, but Oro drops the leg to break up the pin. MORE OF THIS PLEASE!
-Oro has Forastero caught in the Billy Goat’s Curse! AND HE TAPS! Sansón comes in to battle Lee but ends up getting sent to the floor so Lee can hit that beautiful Tope Con Hilo of his. That leaves Soberano and Cuatrero to battle, and Cuatrero immediately walks into a Fire Driver to give the technicos the win. Strong match! All six guys definitely left stuff on the table, but the effort was still strong, the pace was always really quick and the match got progressively better as we went along. One of the better Monday matches in awhile and, you could argue, a close to great match. I’d expect nothing less from these six.
Máscara Año 2000, Negro Casas, Último Guerrero defeated Niebla Roja, Rush, Valiente two falls to one
-This is a weird mishmash of luchadors here, and the lack of Volador means no opportunity for Rush to recruit tonight. Shame.
-I guess UG, Año and Casas are the rudos here as they get the sneak attack in on the technicos to start. Wonder if there’s something being set up here; I wouldn’t say no to Rush vs. Casas!
-Rush has taken off the shirt. It's not very effective, much like my attempt to find a suitable Pokemon meme to use in this spot!
-In fact, it was so ineffective that Rush was tapping to Pulpo Guerrero approximately five seconds after taking off the shirt. That’s a 1-0 advantage for the rudos sports fans and me, fighting off the urge to turn this show off and play some FIFA.
-Fall two begins with more of the same from fall one.
-The comeback is on as Rush hits UG with a nasty Shotgun Dropkick! They brawl to the floor, while Roja stretches out Año with the Billy Goat’s Curse and Valiente taps out Casas with a Romero Special. We’re tied and it feels like these six are getting everything in before they hit the local restaurant for their dinner reservation.
-Casas and Valiente start fall three with without question the best sequence of the match. Lots of nice strikes, Valiente fighting out of a sleeper and hitting a nice arm drag to send Casas to the floor. Rush and UG are in and OH MY GRODD THEY AREN’T SETTING UP THIS MATCH AGAIN ARE THEY?!
-Roja in with Año. What a combo! They have a pose off before Roja attempts a couple shoulder blocks. He bounces off Año, then gets run over when Año goes for one.
-Roja with a springboard splash that he just barely hits (Año was a little too far away). He then dropkicks Año to the floor and does a fake out dive. Now we’ll tease UG and Rush gain. Didn’t this match just happen a few months ago?
-In their defense, both men are working pretty hard right now. Or they were till Rush took a moment to do the Ingobernables taunt.
-GREAT corner exchanges, with Rush hitting a splash, UG answering with an awesome clothesline and Rush coming back again with a Shotgun Dropkick. He then fakes doing the running Shotgun in the corner and boots UG to the floor so he can do the other Ingobernables taunt.
-Running senton off the apron by Casas onto Valiente! Roja sends Año to the floor and hits a very nice slingshot crossbody. Rush and UG are back in and Rush has UG prone in the corner…EXCEPT HE DOESN’T! UG moves out of the way of the Shotgun Dropkick and then gets the dirty pin to end all dirty pins by putting his feet on the ropes. Tirantes ignores that AND Rush’s feet being on the ropes and the rudos win, two falls to one. For a quick match it wasn’t bad. More entertaining was Rush chasing Tirantes to the back at warp speed; high comedy. Will we see challenge now?
-Nope! Guess that’s next week. And with that the show ends and we are still left waiting for a Puebla show that’s better than average. At least the semi-main was fun though.
And with that, I’m off. I’ll be back tonight (potentially) to have notes on the Tuesday show though, so stay tuned. Till then, THIS!
