"Rock Solid" Reasons why I'm no Rock Climber
There was a Time
when I was a boy that rock climbing was not as much a challenge as it was pure fun. Plus if I did not watch it, rock climbing was considered dangerous, but as long as my mom did not yell for help, she didn't mind. Mom was a woman more of faith than fear. My dad, God love him, couldn't help it for he was afraid of his shadow. He inherited this trait from his dad who swore that if he faltered one time, God would take a sharp stick and puncture his butt for that innocent transgression. And so it goes.
My friends and I would climb anything that didn't fall. Trees, huge bluff systems that we loved to play in our woodland. No rock was too dangerous for us to climb. And when we got to the top, we would catch our breath, and go back to the bottom--ready to climb the steep rocks as if we were invincible.
Times change and life grows older and as we grew, we didn't climb that many trees or rocks because we started to like pretty girls and forsake rock and tree climbing alone. And I can tell you this absolute fact: In our day no girl worth her make-up, hairspray and pretty dress would dare go with us and try to climb our trees and rocks. It was completely nuts.
There is a Sound Saying About
a rock climber only being as good as his equipment. This may sound a bit down home, but it's true. Here are a few things one needs to be a professional, successful rock climber:
Rope, Cord , Carabiners, Quickdraws, Belay devices, Rappel devices (ascenders), Descenders, to name but a few. Do you understand what any of these things mean? If not, you should spend some quality time in the local library or online and not just read about these handy tools, but learn how to be an expert when using these things.
Rock climbing is not a cheap venture as it was when I was a kid. Millions of bucks are spent on rock climbing and tools not to mention those experts who know how to teach people the correct means to climbing rocks to add to their social status. I mean, why climb a large rocky ravine just to get to the top? Is that all there is?
You can argue among yourselves. I do not want to get into trouble with anyone.
Verbs and Nouns About Rock, Rocks, and Rock Climbing
seemingly go forever. To take a mild stab, you have just got to look at these mentions:
- "Rock Island Line" a song recorded by the late Johnny Cash.
- "Rock and Roll is King," by ELO (Electric Light Orchestra).
- "Rocky and Bullwinkle."
- Rocky Road ice cream.
- "Rocky Balboa," who everyone with a boxing glove knows about Rocky and his five installments.
- "Don Kirshner's Rock Concert."
- "Woodstock Rock and Art Festival," August 1969 in Bethel, New York.
- Rock Hounds, people who collect and polish rare rocks.
- The Rock, starring Sean Connery, Nicholas Cage and Ed Harris.
- 30 Rock, with Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan.
- So and so "rocks my world."
- "Rock a Bye Baby," a lasting standard to give most infants to sleep.
And the epitome: Big Rock Candy Mountain first recorded by Harry McClintock in 1928 and then by the folk icon, Burl Ives in 1945. Ives sings about this song being the ideal hobo's paradise as the lyrics ramble on and on about sweet candy, cigarette trees and bees that buzz.
Closing Remarks on Other Things one can do When Reaching the top of The Mountain (Rocks Included)
- Yelling like a banshee, "I made it, ma! Top of the world!" (James Cagney, "White Heat" film).
- Chowing down on fried chicken due to a huge adrenaline rush.
- Taking a dangerous nap on a precarious ledge.
- Base jumping with red, white, and blue parachute.
- Bunji jumping from the highest ledge ever.
- Calling your girlfriend/wife to tell her not to cash out your life insurance.
- Dancing a wild jig just because you are so confident.
- Smoking a wild pig to treat your fellow rock climbers.
- Paint "Jenny is Hot!" on the highest level of your mountain
And many more. But these do not scratch the surface.
And so it goes.
(Thanks, Linda Ellerbee,
Let's Keep on Rockin' With These Solid Facts:
- Cold and callus reasons why I do not want to climb rocks of any shape or fashion. As a matter of fact, you could not pay me enough cash (in designer briefcases) to climb a huge mountain filled with dangerous jags and treacherous ledges that even Superman would shun.
- I simply: cannot afford the rock climbing equipment much less paying for the rock climbing expert.
- Why should: I tempt fate when it comes to training for months on how to correctly climb rocks only to fall from a great distance and either be paralyzed or killed? The only thing that I will get from such adventures will be my check given to my wife for my life insurance. All of the rocks, rock climbing equipment and rock climging experts will not do me any good.
- Adrenaline: is addictive. Just check out those young people who love to jump their motorcycles, snow mobiles and snow boarding. These are fun to watch, but equally dangerous. And after the adrenaline is over, it goes away with only a few yarns to share with your buddies.
- Rock climbing: goes a long way for reasons of fame. Let's assume that I am a nobody with the name of: "Henry Duke," who would love to climb rocks if he only had the money. Suddenly, he hits a lucrative stock that he has vested well and then what a rich man he is. Now he is on the cover of TIME and every known magazine known to man (dressed in his designer rock climbing gear) smiling from ear to ear. No thanks.
- What happens: if you climb every known high mountain such as Mount McKinley and Everest? What then? You can if you know what you are doing, excell on climbing rocks and mountains, be seen by every celebrity with a pair of Shoe Outsoles on their feet and perfect teeth, but what then? What is there left? Do you take your advanced age into seeking another hobby or adventure or do you just let yourself fade away from the pages of People and Us Magazine? Think about this, folks.
- Never: try to climb rocks by yourself unless you are an absolute expert. Teamwork is a must to climb rocks. And another must is always taking a cellphone with several emergency numbers you can use in the event that you, God forbid, fall on the ground or some sharp rock.
- Do not: get your mind on straying on things beside making absolute certain that every move you make is perfect. The slightest mistake could mean a crippling injury or even death.
- Make sure That: you train, study, and take several difficult tests in order for you to pass when it comes to rock climbing. It might be that you are satisfied to being a pure amateur rock climber and not drilling yourself for years to be an expert rock climber. If you are happy, that is all that matters.
- Above all: see a therapist about your Acrophobia (fear of heights). This one reason I am writing is the main reason that in my older years I started with my Acrophobia--fearing high office buildings and yes, mountain passes.
I would write more, but I am frozen stiff high above a very dangerous ledge. Uhhh, help!
Other Interesting Links About Rock Climbing:
© 2017 Kenneth Avery