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THE LAST GREAT THING THE AFC SHOWS US FOR YEARS -- History of the Super Bowl Part 11

Updated on November 19, 2011

In 1977, John Madden won the Superbowl.

In 1979, he would fall victim of a shitty heart.

This is why he can't fly anywhere, and why part of the Superbowl pre-game show is always about where John's bus is pulling into.

Al Davis recognized what would be missing if Madden were to retire.

Geniusly, he realizes that Oakland Colisieum doesn't necessarily have to HOUSE the Raiders.

The 49ers by now were rising across the bay.

All the fans from San Francisco and Sausalito who had put on Kiss make-up to slum it at the had their own team properly identifying the football during their games.

They could stay home.

Meanwhile, even people who lived in Oakland weren't trying to get mugged in that fucking smelly ass town-hole.

Look at Detroit.

Their sports thrived by many centuries because the ticket-payers and merchandise-buyers didn't have to drive 30 miles south to the city to see them.

They do it now with the Lions...but uh...remember our talk about Superbowl 11 and dumping stuff into foreign markets that don't perform?

So Al Davis decides he's going to move the team to sunny, sexy Los Angeles rather then cold, gold-digger San Francisco, since a rich dude can buy choice lobster anyway and doesn't need 300 seafood restaurants next to his wharf condo to do so.

San Francisco and Oakland, for night and day towns, are BOTH fucking expensive.

L.A. wasn't so much.

L.A. Colisieum was built in like the 1500s or some shit.

Smells like it at least.

Yes I should have entited this hub "What the Fuck Stinks So Much In Oakland?"

You probably asked yourself -- how does the great Al Davis become the king of the Earth all the time?

I'll tell you.

And this will lead directly to Superbowl XV, as Al Davis the midst of feeling guilty about his secret plans...give Oakland another world championship.

Al Davis was more then just Robert De Niro from Casino with a pink robe and a cigarette holder like "Jon Fucking Barrymore".

Al Davis would become head coach of the Raiders in 1963.

For it's first three years, the Raiders had been 0-and-shitty.

Then Davis took over, and they were 10-4.

From that year on, two of every three Raider bosses think the man can do no wrong.

This would instrumental as Al Davis would use his prestige to become the owner.

During the 72 Olympics, the previous general manager was off on a "business" trip in Munch.

This general manager was one of three managing partners for the Raiders.

With him gone, Al Davis writes a petition that all but guarantees the general manager position IF two-out-of-three grant it.

They do.

Under the rules, it was legal to do this. Today it needs to be anonymous.

For this guy comes back from the Olympics PISSED.

He would sue the Raiders and lose.

And so Al Davis becomes general manager.

Then these two partners sell their stake to Davis...something that usually happens when you're about to be of retiring age as the 35-year old Davis thought...

And ha ha ha...Davis becomes the OWNER!!!!

Davis would be one of the only AFL members back in 1966 to say FUCK YOU...we're NOT merging with the NFL, because...


That's right.

Davis rises and tells the AFL owners that he doesn't want THEM to crap OUR style.

The AFL owners of course...think he's nuts.

They go right ahead and put the merger through without him.

I thought the paranoid inventors out there who plan on building their own company would like to know that...your worst nightmare...happened to one of the most lucrative individual personalities out there.

Al Davis was fucked Norman Osborn style.

And so Al Davis, from 66 on, will first create a Chicago-Cubs-Wrigley type of economic landscape to build his organization financially.

Then he uses that money -- to get Brown, Tatum, Casper, Branch, defensive end John Matsuzak, linebacker Matt "The Lions Will Be Good I Swear" Millan, Rod Martin, Morris Bradshaw, Todd Christensen, Raymond Chester, I.M. Hipp (hahha) (all backs and recievers)

So he wins the Superbowl, and gets corpulant.

Self-indulgence becomes the goal long after you win something.

So here's Davis, owner of the Raiders, now wanting to be GEORGIA OF THE RAMS!!!!

He wants to go to L.A. too. Looks fun.

???????!!!!!!?????!!!! Believe it.

So Davis gets funny.

Kenny Stabler, after long dealing with fans of his, now encounters Al Davis for contract negotiations while, for all intents and purposes, approaching Al's age.

Al looks at him and says NEXT!!!!!

Al then trades Stabler to HOUSTON, giving them a quarterback to go with Earl Campbell.

With talk of going to L.A. still regarded as Davis-just-talking-shit in early 1980, Oakland now with the Stabler trade thought they were mad at him now for the worst thing he could possible do:)

The quarterback, acquired in this Houston trade, was Dan Pastorini.

And so as the 80 season got underway, Pastorini would go down in week 5.

In would come another guy they got in a trade --

Jim Plunkett.

Plunkett was the first Hispanic quarterback in the NFL, and Tom Flores was the first Hispanic coach.

Both were hired after Madden and Stabler got sick/wanted money.

Davis would hire women and minorities to make the NFL look stupid. They are also higher in the Raiders organization then any other woman or minority of any other team.

Plunkett was old by 1980. At Stanford he was a bad ass, but then he went to the Bills and Patriots of the 70s.

Yet Plunkett would Just Win Baby.

They went into the playoffs in late 1980 as a wildcard team.

Their opponent...the Houston Oilers.

No problem, they killed them 27-7.

So Just Relax, Baby.


A road game in Cleveland.

This would be a famous game, because it had a bonehead move in it.

Cleveland was trailing 14-12 in the final seconds, and were about 10 yards away from scoring on Oakland.


On 4th down, they elect to throw the ball.



Gee, who would have guessed that would happen?

For you see, their placekicker Don Crotch-rot or whatever his name was, missed a few field goals from a centimeter away.

So they expected to be world champions with a placekicker who couldn't be counted on to make a 27-yard old squibber.

Cleveland lost.

Next up, the Chargers.

Poor Fouts.

They were great at home, and were almost there.

But Oakland took it.

Back to the Super Bowl, the first ever wildcard team to make it.

I think someone went back in time and showed these Raiders "Major League", and pointed to the Rams.

Meanwhile their opponents were supposed to be either Minnesota or Dallas.

They were both in the playoffs.

And both went down.

Who was this mystery Dark Knight that's sneaking up on people and leaving our football teams all tied out and unconscious before we even have the chance to show up?

The Philadelphia Eagles.

It took coach Dick Vermeil four years to build a winner.

The Superbowl is about more then good coaches, it's about watching the result of a bunch of dudes get the shit beat out of them like in the Junction Boys.

The Eagles sucked until Herman Edwards made this insane last second fumble recovery and ran it in to put them up by 2 at the final gun.

Since then they did a few things.

Wilbert Montgomery was the running back, Ron Jaworski was the quarterback.

They also had a reciever named Harold Carmichael, who becomes Philadelphia's most famous athlete from this point on.

Long before they feisted on the failures of Charles Barkley, Donovan McNabb, Ron Hextall...they went for Harold Carmichael.

Philadelphia reciever Harold Carmichael gets a touchdown reception taken away because he jumped off-side.

And this was all it took to kill the momentum.

To score like a badass against the Raiders...only to discover it was a mirage...was enough to do it to most teams.

Maybe ones that Shaq ran.

At any rate, Plunkett was awesome. Three touchdown passes, and the only one that wasn't a bomb would be a mere 20 yard pass that the reciever turned into a far run. Way to locate the open route.

Oh not you Jimmy...I'm talking to your man Al Davis.

For the Raiders would move to L.A. the following year.


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