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THE NBA'S S.F.W. (SPAB?) -- History of the NBA Finals Part 26

Updated on March 13, 2010


The San Diego Rockets moved to Houston.

West and Robertson would retire, sending both the Lakers and Bucks to the bottoms of the Earth.

The Buffalo Braves had a guy who they expected to do everything -- Bob McAdoo -- who now had 34.5 points a game.

Meanwhile John Hughes had moved to Washington, since Reagan would have loved his movies.

Elvin Hayes was now a Washington Bullet (they had been called the Capital Bullets for a while), and he and Phil Chenier (pre-John Paxson John Paxson) would win 60 games with Wes Unseld.

To understand the 1975 NBA Champions, is to understand the film S.F.W.

Warriors management...was Steven Dorff. Or as he's called in S.F.W...Spab.

Steven Dorff and his friend walk into a convenient store that's held up by these people who then call up a news station and demand that reporters come and bring cameras.

They do.

They tell the reporters to tell their bosses to put everything they're about to see on live network television.

The executives say fuck off.

BOOOOMM!!! The bad guys kill one of the hostages.

The executives comply.

For the next 36 days, the world watches as terrorists and hostages live off the food, mingle, and end up in several drastic confrontations, one of which leaves Dorff's buddy -- Wilt Chamberlain -- gone for good.

S.F.W. is about the aftermath.

Dorff (in this his name is Spab), leaves the hospital after Day number 36 the subject of every talk show, every cross-promotion, every fan in America wants to know more.

He becomes...the Golden State Warriors.

San Francisco loved it's Warriors, and unfortunately these guys didn't particularly love the fans in response.

Neither did Spab.

S.F.W. is a ninety-five minute attempt on the part of Spab to erase this fame.

Every little antic he does, every word he something geared at getting the message out there that they are assholes, go away, let us move away from all this.


For Spab will end up acting as callous as he did during the hostage crisis.

Even people who thought it was all fake...suddenly had the idea that it was REAL AS HELL.

This means law enforcement agents...Spab's big enemy in a film where the crisis is over three minutes in.

The Warriors management will simply not be able to lose in 1975 no matter how hard they try.

They have the star UCLA rookie Jamaal Wilkes who was supposed to just sell jerseys and be a smokescreen like all star rookies on shitty teams. 

They have old Nate Thurmond to sell the tickets.

And they have Rick Berry to end up doing it all by himself.

They go and sleep with Joey Lauren Adams WHILE we're all supposed to be pining for Reese Witherspoon, they get high with a young Tobey Mcguire, they write some bad songs, they trash some rooms....

But they can't keep seeing billboards of themselves.

People don't stop watching them on the big screen at Blockbuster.

Bill Russell, coaching Seattle, would even tell me my hub about how he never coached again was wrong.

For like Spab, I didn't even see him.

They beat the Sonics in six games.

Then they beat Jerry Sloan and Bob Love and Artis Gilmore on Dick Motta's Chicago Bears I mean Bulls.

Then they freaking sweep Baltimore!

For John Hughes would try to counter S.F.W. with...Curly Sue.

The Golden State Warriors were the 1975 NBA World Champions.

Didn't even want the damn thing.


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