THE SLIMERS SLIME THEMSELVES -- History of the NBA Finals Part 6

1953-1957

With this NBL virus Auerbach infused into the BAA, you saw a choking up of the planet's orbit.

In other words, the little city talent infused with big city status.

The two sides of the brain would begin to contradict each other, heading very slowly towards an explosion.

When something like this happens in an atom bomb...the timer begins running...

Alone, the little cities would have had no chance.

For once the talent leaves little cities...you simply just have the racism.

So now you got a bunch of redneck ass little cities.

Where businessmen have successfully infused their pitches with religion, thereby tons of people they're ripping off remain staunch clients because they "have faith" in them.

They will all get basketball teams during the course of their lives from this point...but it is obvious that they are the new black people.

Maybe it's because people figure that just because Sacramento and Utah and Portland aren't black that they can take all the ploys whitey used on the blacks, and simply apply it to whitey.

Tell me that the struggle of the Kings and Blazers and Jazz in particular...aren't being made worse deliberately by the rest of the league.

When one of them actually will come within Doug Christie from beating one of these machines...the referees say "uh uh uh".

This was the central argument of every civil rights activist that has ever lived -- that even when the ex-slaves did do what whitey wanted...they would get it taken away anyway.

You realize how long and hard it must have took for the Sacramento Kings to get that position in 2002? Physically? Mentally? FINANCIALLY?!!!!

So even though this dynamic persists, little city vs. big city, it's not an intense rivalry like the AFC vs. NFC.

The big city in fact...hands them their asses.

However...

The ability of the big cities to strip the little guys of all the good about the small towns...did NOT ASSURE LOYALTY FROM SAID SMALL TOWNER.

And this is why the NBA would go from the worst of the leagues to the greatest.

Those small towners from the NBL continued to believe in themselves.

Even when the owners are sitting there going -- keep talking Red Auerbach, you were a high school coach when we found you. That means there's about 30,000 others who want this job Do it. Keep pushing it.

This is kind of like what Tarantino did, and it caused alot ALOT of hatred for him within the art communities at the time.

I wasn't in the art community in 1994. I was a dumb jock.

Which meant that I immediately related the situation of Tarantino...to sports.

Tarantino is famous, right? Hollywood's darling?

Done whatever he wanted with all those big name stars?

Every big name star wants to be in a movie made by this guy.

One problem.

And I'm not talking about the stealing.

I'm talking about the specific kind of art that Tarantino tried bringing to the establishment --

ALL OF IT is rooted in anti-establishment feeling.

NONE OF IT is something that agrees with the way the establishment in Hollywood did things at the time.

Tarantino wasn't only borrowing...he was borrowing directly from people who made these kinds of things like pulp comics, blaxploitation, samurai stuff.

His dialogue is indicative of the mentally of writers put in Red Auerbach's position of trying to prove themselves to the point of overdoing.

This would be like telling most of America -- you yearn to be accepted by them.

I can't do it just by writing a standard film the way you all can work a standard job and have standard kids. In order for me to have this same level of respect, it's got to be a GREAT MOVIE.

This is the mindset of people who are not in the loop.

And just being outside the loop -- is all certain like-minded career folk...want to know about you.

And this is what the original makers of pulp comics and blaxploitation and such...think about the situation.

Thus to see Tarantino taking it and getting hot bitches in Hollywood with it...pisses off alot of these cats in one of the strangest ways.

They would all love to be living like Tarantino, doing what he does.

But they never...until this moment...made room for the idea of accepting the same respect for doing something unearthlike...as Keanu Reeves could get from just walking into a room.

This would make Quentin Tarantino, who seems willing to play this game...in alot of these heavy duty loonies eyes...a sheep in wolf's clothing and a traitor.

First, it's not supposed to have anything to do with Hollywood.

Second...you joined them, and the instant you make a bad film, they're talk about how you fuck goats.

I say loonies...because clearly had these sons of bitches who don't like QT not let their own personal critics mind-fuck them...they'd be trying to pursue their own shit too.

My method of attracting notice is this -- free entertainment.

I want to make whatever price tag people spend...be worth every penny.

For me, as well as Auerbach (here's my point at long last), this is how I see it --

Sure I could be doing the things necessary to look more important.

But I can't sit through no stupid fucking job.

And that includes a stupid fucking writing job.

The steps required to actually water down your prose...are NOT fun.

Could they lead to more money? Sure. But I'd then just spend that money on expensive modes of self-indulgence to compensate for the fucking pain of it all.

As long as Red Auerbach's doing it his way...he too...can go a few years without the perks and the rings.

Auerbach is in fact...a writer in the basement.

A shitty basement.

One in which Auerbach has alot of the say...but everyone coming in, such as an opponent, would want very much to go somewhere else.

Ha ha ha. Fuck you Celtics opponents.

For Boston Garden was the last motherfucking arena to go through even halfway of a renovation.

The fans...DEMANDED IT STAY A SHITHOLE.

It was uncomfortable, had no air conditioning, had spots in the floor that contained magnets for the hockey ice that would HUG THAT BALL WHEN YOU DRIBBLED ON IT.

People would literally bounce the ball and then end up slapping air because that ball wouldn't bounce back up.

So the Celtics would always try to get you to dribble there.

Boston Garden in fact...was a tribute to the days when Auerbach was the sensitive, starving writer of NBA head coaches.

Of course even they would have conditions that few people would argue with.

As he would avenge the small city spirit...from the inside of the enemy's gastric system where the tastiest remnants were enveloped.

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In the previous hub, we talked about how the new rule of opening up the lane would give people a fairer shot against George Mikan.

But how?

Well at first, Mikan was still able to handle it just fine. In itself, "opening up the lane", is a rule that is boring at best, redundant at most.

Just putting paint over an area that had no paint on it before?

Like players didn't have encourage to drive before and needed it so this is what did it?

Na.

For if Mikan's inside game remains flawless, there ain't shit you can do anyway.

So they would then start treating this painted area like some kind of fucking holy vagina.

You couldn't stand in it for more then three seconds.

Now you fucked him.

Okay, so Mikan recovers and now he has a game where he doesn't have to stand there forever.

So you send him to the foul line.

Widing the lane...means making a free throw farther.

Yes, this rectangle becomes longer as well as wider. Otherwise you're looking at a square.

Now you fucked him again.

The big city NBA had forgotten about it's role -- as a promoter.

Without offense, there are no seats.

Yes we know you don't want Mikan and the small towners from the NBL to have any prominence in your league...but they're the fuckers who can play.

Rather then try to make rules that made the game more fun, they, out of jealousy for talented people, simply made it more tedious.

And so, in this political situation where you need fan approval to exist, the big cities had turned the game into nothing but a free throw contest.

You probably would have thought that Auerbach, mister fast breaks, would have taken this dynamic and used it as an opportunity to show off, show the world what the establishment can't do, write Pulp Fiction and the rub arms with people who don't understand Pulp Fiction?

Oh you watch. All QT haters...you watch too...

This will demonstrate here...why Auerbach was in fact one of the truly irreplacable, and why yes..."of course" he deserved to be here.

For Auerbach will play completely within the big city's own rules...to show them how shady they're acting AND win at the same time...again...WITHIN THEIR OWN RULES!!!

He will spite them in a way that he will be able to argue forever that he was in fact demonstrating more obedience then anybody.

He will be the author of four corners basketball...and Hack-a-Shaq.

First the most conservative form of offense...and the most conservative defensive strategy.

No establishment can argue with winning this cheaply and blandly.

So the first part of the 1950s becomes a great big free throw contest, as other conformist coaches were completely down with the idea of sending Mikan to shoot two long free throws rather then making it a miss-or-make situation.

Do the math -- 2 from far away...or 1 from close up. I'd rather have him do the 2 from far away.

So that was McCauley. He now had a reason to try on Mikan.

And for four corners ball, Bob Cousy.

For this too was simple math -- you have an overdeveloped dribbler...but an underdeveloped play maker.

Have him run plays by dribbling the ball all over the court until he figures out what to do!

But then everybody started to fucking play four corners and Hack-a-Shaq.

And so they made it so you could only get one shot if fouled in the backcourt.

Cousy would then, in this new halfcourt where Mikan can't just stand there all day, continue his dribble dribble bullshit...just now in a halfcourt.

But it became a more condensed form of four-corners ball.

Then came the shot clock.

That's right...now this skilled chess player was, like said in the movie "Fresh"...on the clock.

This is how Bob Cousy very gradually becomes...the world's first actual NBA point guard.

Through mistakes and trial and error, the game's best dribbler would learn when to start, stop, when to pass, when not to...

And it would also begin a trend only seen 4 times in the history of the game...

The 40 and 50 point performance.

Leading to another trend...

Great defensive centers who didn't just foul.

For Ed McCauley was always running down court and getting that pass from Cousy for their fastbreak point guard to center combo.

But on defense, now that guys like Mikan and Paul Arizin of Philly could score all day, they did.

Up until now, Quentin Auerbach was using his brand of wise-ass pseudo conformity to change the league in the same way that Martin Luther King preached non-violence.

But he hadn't come closer then any of the big city people...in getting someone who could actually hold down Mikan in any way without Hack-A-Shaqing.

No box office success despite being able to have Reservoir Dogs and True Romance be concieved and come alive...

Enter a man from San Francisco who would become the centerpiece of the Celtics, for he would fill this very specific job...

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