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No Sleep Till Lucha: A Preview of The Crash 1/21
This is an exhausting lucha libre weekend, and not just because so many of us are waking up at 4:30 in the morning to watch FantasticaMania. Take that away and there’s still a shit ton of lucha going on. AAA has Guerra de Titanes tonight (if only someone had previewed it), CMLL will be live from Arena Mexico; it’s pretty hectic. Making things more hectic in the best possible way is The Crash, a Tijuana based lucha promotion most famous for where Perro Aguayo Jr. died in that tragic accident. These days however they’re looking to make moves, armed with lucha legend Konnan as a head honcho and an easy, one big show a month schedule that draws in some of the best talent from Mexico and the US indie scene. As it turns out that one big show is this weekend and, depending on your mileage, it features matches and talent just as good, if not better, than what’s being featured at FantasticaMania. As sleep deprived as I may be, that’s enough to get my attention and get me to preview this show for you. So let’s get started sports fans. Moses; help the little guy out and meme.
The Crash Junior Championship Match
Black Danger (c) vs. Arkángel Divino
What to Expect: The most common answer to this question will be “who knows?”, mainly because no one has a freakin clue who Black Danger or Arkángel Divino are. Hell I hadn’t seen either of them in action until about fifteen minutes before I started writing this. Let me tell you though…if those highlights are any indication this match is going to be bonkers. Black Danger looks and wrestles like a cross between CMLL’s Sagrado and Demus 3:16 with a tad more speed; that’s pretty good. And yet this guy has nothing on Divino, who looks to have some Volador, Aerostar, Dragón Lee, Rey Mysterio and pretty much every other luchador I can think of in him. Now granted, I only saw a clip so who is to say these two perform like this all the time. But if they’re even half as good as what I saw than this will be the best lucha libre opener since…ever. Seriously, has there ever been a good lucha libre opener, or has CMLL just knocked my willingness to believe there was out of me.
Winner: I’d put the belt on Arkángel Divino post haste, but again that’s just based off a highlight. I’ll go with Black Danger just to be safe, winning with a Package Piledriver. Yup, he uses it too. I look forward to the day old school wrestling fans stop bitching about super kicks and start going on about how “THEY TOOK ER PACKERGE PILEDRIVVERS!” and shit.
Ángel Metálico, Black Boy, Oraculo vs. Douglas James, Tiago, Tony Casanova
What to Expect: Now this one will be an unknown to both you and I. I couldn’t find many great highlights of any of these dudes (mostly because they’re all new) so the best I can give you is their history. Ángel Metálico and Tony Casanova appear to be Tijuana vets. Douglas James and Black Boy appear to have just dropped out of the sky and landed in The Crash’s headquarters. Oraculo (aka Jay Rios) is an American born wrestler who was trained by the Dudley Boys. And the most famous person in this match, Tiago, is a mini best known for wrestling in AAA as Mini Charly Manson. So at least this match has that going for it I suppose. I’m sure it’ll probably be fine at the end, but it is the one match I know nothing of going in and even if I did, I find it hard to believe it’s topping everything else this card has going for it.
Winners: We’ll go with Team Artist Formerly Known as Mini Charly Manson for $500 Alex.
Jack Evans & Rey Horus vs. Bestia 666 & Ronnie Mendoza
What to Expect: This is where the show should kick into ludicrous gear. Ironically enough Ronnie Mendoza wasn’t supposed to be in this match; he ended up in this spot after Mr. 450 was injured at a 205 Live taping, thus opening up the opportunity. Nothing against Mr. 450 (he’s really, really good) but I think this is an improvement. Mendoza is arguably the most unheralded lucha libre star right now and he’s coming in hot after a great showing against Flamita and Negro Casas at DTU Nueva9. Now he’s going to get to tag with Bestia 666 (highly underrated in his own right) against the Artist Also Known as El Dragon Azteca Jr. and the loudest free agent in lucha libre? The only way this match doesn’t rock your socks off is if Jack breaks his jaw again and is unable to talk trash. Expect tons of flips, tons of “did you just see that?!” and several more “I can’t believe this is only the third match on the card!” remarks.
Winners: Too close to call! Seriously. I’ll take a stab in the dark and say Rey Horus eventually gets fed up with Jack’s trash talk and betrays him, allowing Bestia and Mendoza to pick up the win. And no, my good friend and Evans hater “Gamblin” Matt Mortensen did not pay me to say that.
The Crash Cruiserweight Championship Match
Flamita (c) vs. AR Fox
What to Expect: There are no words. Only pictures can describe my reaction to this match being booked.
My Grodd people; I don’t know whether to believe I’ve wandered into an alternate universe where everything is better than the real world or if this is our universe throwing us a bone after so many shitty things the past year. Whatever the case, THANK YOU! This match, and I’m dead serious when I say this, has a chance to be legendary. But how could it not when you have a guy who once did this…
…against a dude who frequently does shit like this?
This will be insanity. This will be madness. This will have the potential to break jaws from hitting the floor so hard. How much more hyperbole do you want from me because I can go all day with this? The bottom line is this match is going to rule, somebody may end up in the hospital later and holy fuck I cannot believe this exists. What’s next; El Hijo del Santo vs. Atlantis mask vs. mask in February?
Winner: I’m guessing that Flamita is more a full time guy of The Crash whereas AR Fox is here just to say he found another promotion where he could figure out new, exciting ways to nearly concuss himself to death. Thus Flamita will win this one. Then again we’re all winners here. Well except for the promotions that didn’t book this match. Seriously every US indie alive; you could’ve had this match any time you wanted and instead you just ignored it? For shame; FOR SHAME!
La Máscara vs. Brian Cage vs. Willie Mack vs. Jeff Cobb
What to Expect: Poor Máscara; first Rush leaves him to go hang with the cool kids in Japan and now he finds himself looking down a loaded barrel carrying a machine, a monster, and the master of the microwave himself Willie Mack. Combine that with the loss of his mask at the Anniversary Show and life has gotten grim as hell for Máscara. At least he can sleep soundly knowing he was part of a good match. Will it be as crazy as the preceding one? Grodd know, but not every match can be gorram Flamita vs. gorram AR Fox. This match will suffice in delivering numerous amounts of cool power moves, big men doing unbelievably athletic things and Máscara…occasionally super kicking one of them before running for his life. Mother of puss bucket he really did draw the short end of the stick here. If I were him I’d pull the old hiding under the ring strategy, let the three hosses wreck each other for our amusement and then come in and steal the victory when no one is looking. Bold strategy I know.
Winner: It seems so unlikely to me that Máscara could win this match that I’ve decided I’m going to pick him. Why not? It makes no sense, which means it makes total sense. I think I said that wrong. Regardless, Máscara steals this match by pinning Cage, likely followed by Máscara regretting he ever pinned Cage.
Fenix El Rey, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy vs. Juventud Guerrera, Nicho el Millionario, Súper Crazy
What to Expect: I mean, what’s not to like about this match here? You’ve got Fenix, who’s always great? You’ve got a rejuvenated Jeff Hardy. You’ve got Matt Hardy at the height of his “Broken” brilliance. Those three by themselves would’ve gotten me excited for this match. But that fact that they’re opponents is Super Crazy, the former Psicosis and JUVENTUD “BLEEPIN” GUERRERA?!
There are many things I love about wrestling sports fans; one of the biggest is the fact that it produced The Juice, a childhood hero of mine from my days watching WCW turned adult hero of mine for his show stealing appearances on that podcast that Disco Inferno clings onto for career support. I love Juvy; I love watching him wrestle and the fact that he’s in the main event of this show means I’m glued to the screen. I wouldn’t even care who else was in this match; they could’ve had Juvy teaming with Warlord and the gorram Bone Soldier against Máscara Año 2000, Rayo de Jalisco Jr. and Skándalo and I’d be watching. That’s how much of a Juvy mark I am. I can’t wait to see him throw down with Fenix, I can’t wait to see him team with Nicho and Crazy again (hopefully without the lawn mowers this time) and holy fuck I cannot wait to see him and Broken Matt interact. Between that and the Flamita/AR Fox match the universe may just implode from all the awesomeness.
Winners: I can’t pick against the Juice, even with Broken Matt, Jeff Hardy and Fenix on the other corner. I say the Mexicools take this one after a 450 splash by Juvy (can he still do that?) onto Matt, followed by the Hardys and Fenix avenging themselves afterwards.
There you have it sports fans. I will now crawl back into my hole for some more rest before returning tomorrow morning to review the next FantasticaMania show. I was going to review tonight’s Super Viernes but good Grodd I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep during the show, so look for me to just comment about it on Twitter instead (follow at @CultIcon if you want to keep track). Till early morning, SCULLY!