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The Ultimate Ultima Lucha Dos Preview Column!

Updated on July 5, 2016

It’s here! It’s here! No I’m not talking about Cleveland Cavaliers fans describing Dwayne Wade (how gloriously over the top has this NBA offseason been?!) but Ultima Lucha Dos. We’re nearly twenty four hours away from Lucha Underground’s biggest show of the year and what could quite possibly be the best show of the year. The numbers are staggering; Ultima Lucha Dos will be four hours long, take place of the course of three weeks and three parts (one hour for parts one and two, two for part three), feature at least ten matches and a whole lot of Vampiro losing his mind at the booth. It’s gonna be fun! And what would Ultima Lucha Dos be if I didn’t break the entire thing down here?! Yes the show may be broken down into three parts, but my long, strange preview of the show here will cover every single match and almost every single detail you need to know about the big show. Excited? Duh! Let’s not waste time. Moses, the break’s over! Hit us with the meme.

What to Expect: Along with the Black Lotus-El Dragon Azteca Jr. match, this bout is one of the great unknowns of the Grand Papi of Them All. Here’s what we know; this will be an official tournament (not one of those weird ass lucha tournament you see from time to time), all three matches should be pretty damn good (seriously, look who’s in it?!) and there’s some big prize at the end of the rainbow for the winner. There are just two problems; a) we have no idea what the prize is and b) this “unique opportunity” El Jefe is promising is still a unique opportunity from El Jefe. That means there’s a 50/50 chance this is either leading the winner to the greatest moment of his life or to the most dire situation since Elena was dying at the end of Uncharted 2. Whatever the case, I think the best way to describe this tournament is with a quote an old friend of mine once used, “The landing may hurt, but the ride down will be a whole lot of fun.” And no, you won’t get to find out the context of that statement!


Winner: Conventional wisdom would suggest Cage, considering he’s been the most successful out of all four of these guys during the season and the fact that he stood tall after the short brawl these guys had last night. Naturally that suggests to me that Cage won’t be winning this one, which leads to me going with Son of Havoc here. I don’t really have a ton of evidence why but the guy is beloved, he’s deserving of a big moment and let’s be real, wouldn’t it make the most sense for Havoc to win this and then El Jefe to railroad him with that unique opportunity to get huge heat? I’m rolling with that here, and with this match being the most underrated of the whole show. Seriously; to sleep on this bout would be the equivalent of betting against Leicester City. You just don’t do it.

What to Expect: The first ever women’s match in Ultima Lucha history! This one has been building ever since Taya’s pal Johnny Mundo teamed with Son of Havoc and Ivelisse several months ago, with Taya attacking Ivelisse after their team lost the match. I actually expected this match to be delayed in favor of Ivelisse and Havoc being part of the Trios Title match (with a new partner replacing the injured and severely missed Angelico) but alas we’ll be getting it now. This should be a good one too, barring you’re not a hipster asshole from the Cageside Seats comments section. Ivelisse is one of the most talented wrestlers in the game today and already has one MOTY candidate with Mil Muertes from all the way back at the beginning of season two. Meanwhile Taya has proven herself to be one of the toughest people I’ve ever seen; some may cringe at the punishment she took in matches against Cage and others but the woman came out looking like a bad ass each time and proved she could hang with anyone. I expect this match to play along those same lines; Ivelisse will be aggressive, Taya will take a beating but pick her spots and this match should be at worst heavily entertaining. Don’t be surprised if there’s a ton of interference here either, be it from Mundo, Havoc or maybe even a returning Angelico! I don’t care how hopeless it seems; the people want Angelico. THE PEOPLE NEED ANGELICO!


Winner: On one hand, all signs point towards Ivelisse getting her revenge here against Taya for all the aggravation “The Perfect Woman” has caused her. On the other hand Taya has yet to get a big solo win in the Temple and this would be the perfect opportunity to do so. I’ll go against conventional wisdom yet again and pick the latter scenario, with Taya stealing the win thanks to some controversial antics from herself and Mundo. Sorry Ivelisse; there’s always a post match beat down and the inevitable Catrina match down the line where you put her in her place once and for all.

What to Expect: Another match put together in a hurry after El Jefe redistributed to the Medallions following Cage’s quick cash in against Matanza. I expect we’ll see this match reach quality somewhere in between the previous two Gift of the Gods seven ways; it won’t quite reach the levels of last year’s match but it will be better than the second one that happened just a few months ago. Look for there to be a lot more story work this time around than the other ones too, with only Sinestro and the debuting Night Claw not having anyone to feud with going in. We’ll clearly see some continuation between Killshot and Marty (who finally has gotten that Medallion he’s wanted for so long), Sexy Star and the Moths will likely have a moment and you can bet your Canadian Dollar Kobra Moon will make an appearance, causing Daga to make a face I once made when Nicolas Cage punched someone while wearing a bear suit. In short, expect a lot of storytelling and a solid match that could be raised to great if this Night Claw guy proves to be an awe inspiring high flyer. And if you know anything about the guy playing him, you’ll know the chances of that are higher than Jason Segel in Can’t Hardly Wait.


Winner: There are four strong candidates to take this one; Killshot, Sexy Star or either of the Moths, the latter scenario seemingly like a good bet considering there’s a whole lot you can do with Killshot or Sexy chasing after the deranged siblings. With not a lot of happy endings on the docket for this show however (at least in my view) I’ll say Sexy Star pulls this out by pinning Marty. Depending on your point of view, one of the best things about this season has been LU building Sexy’s character back up after the Moth’s broke her, and the only thing left for her to do there is to get revenge on Marty. I think that happens here, with Killshot giving her an assist to help further that feud between him and the Moth going into season three.

What to Expect: I have no unearthly idea. On paper this one looks promising thanks to the buildup of this feud (which has legit been going on since the first shot of Lucha Underground) and the fact that El Dragon Azteca Jr. is a certified superstar in the ring. The wild card here is Black Lotus, who has been a strong character thus far but has yet to even get close to a ring in recent memory (Angela Fong, who plays Lotus, was once a mainstay in WWE’s developmental system, which can’t hurt). Thus the match comes down to the threefold question of whether Lotus has the in ring ability, whether she meshes well with Azteca and whether or not this match is meant to be a legit wrestling match or another chapter in one of Lucha Underground’s oldest stories? For that and that alone expect this to be the most intriguing match on the card and for anything and everything to be possible.


Winner: Azteca. Regardless of whether Lotus can go or not, Azteca is the one who has proven himself more worthy of a big win and El Jefe, who I figure will be involved in this match one way or another, seems like he wants his buddy Lotus after she questioned Dario about what happened with her parents. I see Azteca dominating the match, Lotus having a brief flurry that turns the tide and then El Jefe putting the screws to her, leading to Lotus FINALLY seeing the light and starting her journey back towards revenge against him and Matanza.

What to Expect: If you’ve been following the issues between these six closely you’ll realize this match has been building ever since Jack Evans beat Drago to become “The Dragonslayer” early in the season. That’s what got the ball rolling and it hasn’t stopped since, with Aerostar and the Darewolf joining in first before Fenix was added to the fray as unlikely partner of Evans and Black during the Trios Tournament. After Mundo then took Fenix out and replaced him in the match that ultimately won Mundo, Evans and Black the Trios Titles, the only question was how long it would take for these teams to tangle. Thus here we are! I'll let the Grateful Dead sum it up.

For those of you thinking this could quietly be the show stealer of all three parts of Ultima Lucha…yeah you’d be right. Not only can all six of these men go at any given time but the chemistry between the teams is great. Mundo, Evans and Black are the perfect rudo team and have clicked ever since their quick formation just a few months ago. And for those of you who don’t remember, Fenix, Drago and Aerostar are the same team that won King of Trios in CHIKARA last year, defeating only the Young Bucks and A.J. Styles (who I hear is doing quite well) in the finals. Clearly they know what they’re doing too. Combine that with how good the Nunchucks match was between Drago/Aerostar and Evans/Black was and this should be a barnburner. The only question is how crazy will the Aerostar dive be. I’m guessing we’ll be getting something bigger than the roof dive he had during the Nunchuck match and not quite as epic as the dive that nearly ended him at the mythical Austin Warfare show at SXSW.


Winners: I can see this going either way, but my gut is telling me this is the technicos night. Don’t ask me why; I just have that feeling. Thus look for Fenix to get revenge on Mundo for his cheap victory over him this week after Aerostar and Drago have disposed of Black and Evans, giving the King of Trios the Trios Titles and making Fenix the first ever Lucha Underground triple crown champion. Somewhere Prince Puma is desperately trying to wrangle his way into the Gift of the Gods match just to beat Fenix to that honor!

What to Expect: The first of the big three matches and the first Death Match in Lucha Underground since…well let’s let the talkie picture do the talking.

Clearly this Death Match has big shoes to fill from its predecessor, which makes it a good thing that a) this match involves the MVP of last year’s Death Match Mil Muertes, b) King Cuerno is here with another opportunity to show off his array of skills and c) there’s a well built feud leading into this match involving kidnappings, stuffings, glass coffins in log cabins, resurrection and the most diabolical red contacts since the so called Beautiful. To put it bluntly, this match should be nuclear good. Mil is the man, good ole Deer Antlers is the man and they thankfully didn’t reveal too much in their warm up match from last week to spoil this bout. Look for this match to have the same sort of template (Mil as the aggressor, Cuerno picking his spots) only dialed up to an extreme to get this into the conversation for Match of the Night. Or is it Match of the Show in this instance?


Winner: All signs point to the former Immortan taking this one to get revenge for Cuerno’s actions again him. And, all apologies to the know-it-alls in the Cageside Daily section, that’s exactly what will happen. Cuerno will hang tough, but Mil, with a hand from Catrina and perhaps even old buddy Sinestro de la Muerte, will take this one. And yes, it will end violently; maybe not “through the roof” levels of violence but it’ll be close.

What to Expect: Depending on your point of view this match might be the most anticipated of all three Ultima Lucha Dos shows. It’s truly what the build up to this match has expressed; a battle between the new big star of lucha libre (Puma) and lucha’s “El Rey” himself (Mysterio). Yes there’s been more to it than that (tension has been building between Puma and Mysterio since Puma cost the two and El Dragon Azteca Jr. their chance to regain the Trios Championships), but at the end of the day this is all about respect and all about seeing who’s the best. It’s also in many ways the biggest match of either guy’s career. Puma may be established both in and outside the Temple, but he’s never had a match this huge on television and never has taken on an opponent of this level of fame. As for Mysterio, this is another chance to prove that he’s still got it, to show that even after all the years and knee surgeries he’s still capable of having one incredible day in the ring. At worst this will be good. At best, this is a potential Match of the Year candidate.


Winner: This could go either way; Puma could win and have the torch officially passed to him, or Rey could win and re-establish himself as a force to be reckoned with. I’d be cool with either scenario if done right, but in the end I can’t see this going any other way than Puma winning and becoming, in his own words, the next Mysterio. Please note that I have absolutely no confidence in that pick. It’s that tight; tight like a tiger. Excuse me while I go apologize for that Austin Powers reference.

What to Expect: Here it is folks; the big one, the show stopper, the headliner, the main event, the biggest match in the history of our sport as Tony Schiavone would say. Alright it’s not that big but it’s still pretty big. This is the match we’ve been building to all season, even if it only seems like the collision course between Matanza and Pentagon was set midseason when Matanza went full throttle Bane on the man with Cero Miedo. In one corner is the champion, El Jefe’s demonic brother who has taken over the top spot of LU and is so indestructible that he doesn’t seem like he’ll ever let go. And then there’s Pentagon, the most popular man in Lucha Underground and the dude who has seemed destined for this moment since the night he broke Mil Muertes’ arm all the way back in this season’s first episode. It’s two stories that practically write themselves; hell even Batman and Robin agree on that.

That’s the story; now how good will this match be? Much like Cuerno-Mil we’ve seen these two go at it before very briefly. Unlike Cuerno-Mil, I expect there will be aggression everywhere. Matanza will go full force as per usual and Pentagon has only vowed to break every bone in Matanza AND El Jefe’s body, meaning he’ll be going all out as well. There will be weapons, there will be blood, there will be interference (from both Dario and likely Vampiro) and ultimately there will be a whole lot of fans screaming about how awesome this match is. It’ll be touch and go between this bout and Puma-Rey for Match of the Night (and possibly even Match of the Year), but the story, the brutality and the potential significance of what a Pentagon Jr. victory would mean gives this match just as high a ceiling. There will be blood!


Winner: Let’s get one thing out of the way now girls and boys; Pentagon Jr. is the guy, the Steve Austin of Lucha Underground if you will. It’s not a matter of if but when Lucha Underground decides to pull the trigger on making him champion. Will it be at the end of this match? Surprisingly I’m going to say no. I know I know; wouldn’t a loss for Pentagon here hurt his chances of being “the man” long term? If he lost in similar fashion to his first bout with Matanza sure. I don’t see that happening here though; what I see instead is Pentagon dominating this match, fulfilling his promise to break every bone in Matanza and El Jefe’s body and ultimately getting screwed, allowing Matanza to win and Pentagon to look great while they drag out the journey to his big moment. Who will screw him? Beats me; it could be Vampiro looking to teach Pentagon another lesson, it could be El Jefe, it could be the undercover luchador operation leading a raid right as the show ends (notice how they aren’t on the card for this show? That’s not coincidence!), it could be the mysterious lord finally making his presence felt; it could be all or none of those things. Whatever the case, Pentagon will walk out a stud but not the Lucha Underground Champion come the end of Ultima Lucha Dos. That honor will just have to wait a little while longer folks.


And that is how it ends folks. Hope you enjoyed this long, extensive look at what hopefully will be one of the best wrestling shows of the year. I’ll be back tomorrow to break down Part 1, and I’ll have more stuff coming before and after that, including collaboration with an old pal of mine! Till then, more musings from the great Theon Greyjoy.

Lovely
Lovely

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