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Enough Is Enough Peyton

Updated on November 30, 2012

There's the Mastercard commercial where Peyton tells two movers "they're not saying boo, they're saying mooovers". Then there's the Mastercard commercial where he's tailgating and shouting "let's go insurance adjustors, let's go". And who can forget the one in which he chants "D CAF" while holding up the very same letters as he sits in a cafeteria. Ok fine in his attempt to be funny Peyton made some not funny commercials for Mastercard. No big deal. I don't have a problem with an athlete getting behind a brand they faithfully believe in. But then came the DSRL which to the best of my knowledge stands for "Double Stuff Racing League". A fictional league in which the participants compete to see who can lick their oreo faster. In that first ad Eli joins his brother and as they sit in an empty stadium licking oreos he says to Peyton "hey bro are we making a big mistake?". How prophetic was that line.

Things got worse when Venus and Serena Williams decided to join the DSRL. I'm watching both pairs of siblings bat it back and forth at a make believe press conference and thinking "Maybe professional football doesn't pay as well as I thought." A man of his stature would have no reason to stoop to that level other than a big check. I personally feel the William's sisters are repulsive but regardless of my feelings I don't see the point in making a commercial with them. Maybe Peyton really eats oreos on a regular basis and is a huge female tennis fan. A more likely truth is that Peyton Manning is entirely too nice and such a pushover that he has been unable to say no to anyone who has approached him with an advertising idea. And so what followed was the Mannings and the Williams in front of a packed stadium this time and a referee who fires his gun directly into the blimp flying overhead(I know it sounds like I'm making this up). The blimp falls on top of all 4 competitors and leads to Peyton's final line "Aw man there's blimp in my milk." I don't understand how a self respecting man reads the last line to that script and says "Ok i'll do it."

Gatorade's investment in Peyton Manning came with the "Peyton Manning Action Toy". In this commercial a young boy is given the action toy at his birthday party. The action toy is none other than Peyton Manning himself in full uniform. They pull Peyton out of the box and it's game on. On the first play from scrimmage notice that the birthday boy is lined up at right guard and at the snap proceeds straight downfield(without blocking anyone) and somehow manages at 4'10" to catch one of Peyton Manning's laser throws. I believe most NFL officials would refer to this as "illegal man downfield". While this is going on we hear a fast rock song in the background with the lyrics "It's Peyton Manning your very own action toy. Personal quarterback he's all yours." Now the party's really rolling until Peyton abrubtly freezes up while in the motion of throwing. What's interesting here is the entire group is taking a break and of course drinking gatorade. Who exactly was Peyton going to throw the ball to? Maybe mom had decided to go out for a pass. You probably have already correctly presumed that the reason Peyton stopped moving was that he was empty on gatorade fuel. Notice that when Peyton stops he is standing in front of two picnic tables. After they throw some gatorade down him he continues his throwing motion from what appears to be some bushes on the side of the playing field. And yes the target he completes the pass to is none other than the birthday boy who catches his third pass of the commercial. I found the whole thing wildly entertaining. I'm a little confused though as to what gatorade is promoting there. They seem to be falsely leading people to believe that there really is a Peyton Manning action toy(gatorade included). Perhaps gatorade planned on hiring thousands of Peyton Manning look alikes to package and send all over the country. Can you imagine the disappointment when a young boy opens his present and sees an 80 year old man standing there dressed in a Colts uniform. Wal Mart can only hire so many grandparents.

How much do you think this toy costs


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