Bad Toothpaste Flavors

We're pretty sure that society plans to ostracize us if we neglect dental hygiene. Proper home care and regular cleanings by qualified professionally trained dental hygienists appear to the minimum criteria for polite society. Brush daily, floss regularly. Report any problems to a degreed dentist. Smile a lot.

Why does toothpaste taste so bad? Flavors seem to be mainstream: Mint, Minty Fresh, Wintergreen Mint, Crisp Summer Morning Mint, and generic Mint can all be found at local apothecaries. Probably an unflavored version languishes on a lower shelf, neglected by most self-respecting toothbrushers.

Grass Flavored Toothpaste: We love the aroma of a freshly cut lawn, but we probably don't want to brush with it.

Bacon Flavored Toothpaste: Every human ever born and every human ever to be born absolutely adores bacon. It's in our DNA, encoded along with the desire for food, shelter, and good haircuts. Unfortunately, bacon flavored toothpaste would be problematic; office mates wouldn't know if we brushed our teeth or simply woke up too late for proper dental maintenance.

Listerine Flavored Toothpaste: Potent mouthwash belongs in it's rightful place. Brushing and swishing with the same flavor is somehow wrong.

Leather Flavored Toothpaste: A good purse, a good bridle, and a good wallet should smell like leather. The interior of a Mercedes should smell like leather. A cow should smell like leather. Toothpaste, which lingers on the teeth and gums, should not smell like leather unless one flosses with leftovers from a Summer Camp Arts and Crafts tent.

Frito's Flavored Toothpaste: Yes, the glorious taste of vegetable oil soaked corn chips represents one of the greatest culinary delights know to mortal man. Yes, Fritos may well be one of the world's most perfect foods. Yes, Frito-Lay is too big to fail. On second thought, perhaps Frito's flavored toothpaste is a strong contender. Perhaps Frito's does not fit conveniently into the bad toothpaste flavor category. More research is needed.

Chapstick Flavored Toothpaste: How would you know where the toothpaste stopped and the Chapstick started?

Garlic Flavored Toothpaste: Pretty much defeats the purpose of teeth brushing. Greeting the new employee or the orienting the new fry cook won't leave a good first impression if accompanied by a garlic cloud.

Chocolate Chip: Yes, we'd all brush longer, but the chips would clog up the tube. The native color of chocolate products, while appetizing, is not conducive to an air of proper oral hygiene.

What other bad toothpaste flavors jump to mind?

Stuff has its' place. Some stuff belongs in toothpaste, other stuff not so much. Continue the search for tasty toothpaste-flavored stuff.