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Beautifull At Any Size

Updated on January 16, 2012

Big, Fat, Deal!


It happens little by little, quite as a whisper, Ever so slowly. So slowly as a matter of fact that one day you just wake up, look in the mirror and ask "How did this happen"?. Anyone who has ever been even slightly overweight can attest to this fact. One day you just wake up and wonder, where the hell did all this extra weight came from? This has a tendency of happening when were not present in the moment. I give John Lennon credit for saying it best. "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

It has taken me clear into my forties to fully realize that we are all born perfect!From the time we are young we feel the constant need to search our souls in torment for years, in order to get to this profound truth. How sad it is to spend our lives being told differently by family, friends and lovers. On our quest to that state of perfection, we learn to live and cope on a constant diet of "you’re worthless" as we pick ourselves apart daily. For many woman and men this is what being overweight feels like.

We are all born a glorious piece of marble stone. Subconsciously we spend years waiting in vain for our Michelangelo's to arrive and sculpt us into something wonderful, and magnificent. We mold to others wishes and wants. They carve into us their ideas, and beliefs. We allow others to dictate what our worth is, and how important we are to society. Once everyone has finished inserting there viruses, we take care of the rest ourselves. We pick up the chisel daily, and chip away at what's left. We start to feel not only our own weight, but also the weight of the world on our shoulders.

There was a time not too long ago when plus size was considered to be size eighteen and up. A few years later, and with help of the fashion industry, that number was then reduced to sixteen. In recent years, that number has been bought down to fourteen. In today’s fashion world, eighteen is now considered obese. Since my twenties, I can honestly say that I have seen almost every number on the scale. I have been down to 125lbs, up to 330 lbs. and everywhere in between. I have felt immensely obese at my lowest weight, and extremely sexy at my highest. The deciding factor was always attributed to the friends, and or lovers in my life at the time.

I'd like to share a story which I heard while I was in one of my, "searching for perfection" modes. It changed some of my views on body image. and I hope that it does the same for you. Between the 1930's and 1940's, Mae West which is considered obese by today’s strict standards, was the symbol of sexuality. She was lovingly named the "Queen of the World" and "The Statue of Libido". Then in the 1950's along came such sex Goddesses as Jane Russell, Marilyn Monroe, and Bettie Page. The cameras loved all three women because of their voluptuous qualities. Magazines were selling millions of copies because of the seductiveness of these women. The men wanted to look at them, and the woman wanted to be like them. There was only one slight problem with this whole fashion era. Everyone was spending so much time looking, and admiring the curves on these ladies, that they weren’t looking at, or buying the fashions being advertised!

By the time the 1960's rolled around, the fashion designers where desperate to sell fashions. Suddenly, out of nowhere in 1966 a young 17 year old anorexic, stick like figure explodes on the modeling scene. This young girl by the name of Twiggy would become the world's first supermodel and the industry would never be the same again! The clothing designers figured out that those curvy models sold magazines, but curve-less models without anything to fantasize over was what sold their designs. Twiggy retired after only four years of modeling, at which time I’m sure her body was starting to develop. So the moral of the story is that, you were never meant to be that skinny unless you are being paid big bucks to be a super model or your seventeen years old! Real woman have curves!

I’ve given the weight issue much thought and have come to an ironic conclusion. The reason that excess weight tends to collect around our middles is because of our constant attempt to consume our feelings. Sometimes as woman we do too much. We try to be too many things to too many people. We give time and nourishment to everyone we love, and sometimes even people we don't even know or care for. We were never taught, or learned to say no, so it has become easier to eat those feelings instead. We stuff down the feelings of guilt, anger, resentment, hurt, hate, and chase them down with our favorite wine. Perhaps if we stuff them down far enough, we can ignore them or make them go away. Some feelings however refuse to stay down, and returned in the form of acid reflux, and indigestion. The feelings that we somehow manage to keep down, are so heavy for us to carry that we end up with Bulging and bloated tummies from the fullness of our issues. Our stomachs have become a dumping ground for our un-faced problems

I was forty-two years old as I lay awake one night unable to sleep. For whatever reason, I started to recall a trip that our family had taken in my youth to the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. I vividly remember walking into the planetarium display, and the first thing that caught my eye were the many scales lined up against the wall. I was informed by reading the sign on the wall that these scales where there to show me how much I would weigh on the different planets in our solar system. The earth scale weighed me in at 122 lbs. Next up was the planet Pluto, which weighed me in at just over 8 pounds .On the moon I weighed 20lbs, Jupiter was 288lbs, and the Sun was a mind blowing 3,302lbs. It was at that precise moment that I suddenly realized that a scale does not define me, and weight is nothing but how you chose to perceive it! Who gets to decided who is fat, and who is skinny? Here is a great example of perception; I watched the mother bird lay her eggs in the nest, and then the neighbor's cat ate the baby bird. "I" said "bad cat!" And the cat said, "good bird!"

Never allow yourself to listen to what others think about your looks! It has nothing to do with you! It has everything to do with the habits, beliefs, and thoughts which different individuals have been bought up to believe. Those are their beliefs, don't make them yours!

I learned a few really great lessons in my overweight years. The most important thing I learned is that you must love, and pamper yourself no matter what your current weight! If you don't love yourself now, you’re not going to love yourself when you get to the weight you want to be. Another valuable lesion I learned is that most men could really care less about your weight as long as they are loved and treated with kindness. I have never had a man tell me to please put my clothes back on! If you by chance happened to find that one that does care about your weight then do yourself a favor. Next time you go fishing for a man, do so at the deep end of the ocean, and avoid the shallow end at all cost.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Take your time and hook the right one. Last but not least, find that someone who thinks your perfect in their eyes. If they don't see you that way,then find someone who has better eyesight!

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