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Being Beautiful With Botox, Paralysis Has Never Been So Sexy

Updated on October 13, 2009

More fun than a day at Disneyland!

Wrinkles. They are ugly, and they're caused by facial expressions, which in this day of the emoticon, are totally overrated. If you're starting to get old (and by 'old' I mean anytime over the age of 18), then you should be thinking about Botox. Sure, back in the Dark Ages, when people didn't wash for months at a time, and had no access to hair dryers, or electric foot spas, or facial peels, there was an excuse to be ugly. Not anymore. Ugliness is just laziness nowadays, there is really no excuse for it.

Botox is a gift from the Almighty Heavenly Father himself. In the form of botulism, he hath provided the men and women of the world with a means to escape the outward signs of aging. Botox is derived from Botulism, which is in fact a type of food poisoning that occurs when a person ingests neurotoxins (keep that big word in mind "neurotoxins", they're what is going to keep you pretty. Sure, the word means 'a substance toxic to your nervous system', but let's not get all hung up on detail here.)

Botulism is sometimes fatal due to the paralytic effects of the toxins. The toxins paralyze the chest muscles and make it impossible for a person to breathe, which of course, brings about the state of death.

Fortunately for us all however, if you inject that same compound into the muscle tissue of your face, you will find yourself unable to move a muscle. Paralysis, mmmmm sexy paralysis ensues, and your face becomes as smooth as the proverbial baby's bottom. Sure, sometimes there are some nasty side effects to poisoning yourself on purpose in order to look better, but hey, no pain, no gain, right?

The fact is, you're probably very ugly, and you need to change it. Injecting yourself with a powerful poison is really the least you can do, for yourself, and for society. People will look at you with a whole new respect when they realize just how far you've gone in order to make yourself more socially acceptable and liked. There's nothing like crowd pleasing behaviors to get ahead in life, after all.

Once you've had your Botox procedure, and managed to survive it (yay you!), you will have a whole new lease on life. People will comment on how youthful you look, and though you won't be able to smile in appreciation of their comments, you'll be smiling on the inside.

Botox! It's wonderful! You should definitely do it. Paying hundreds of dollars to people in white coats in return for toxic substances is the way of the new world, and you do want to be accepted in the new world, don't you?

I'll leave you with this final thought: No-one will love you if you're not pretty.


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    • profile image

      Breast Reduction Sydney 6 years ago

      You could tell what this one was about when you said anything over 18 was old.

      Not all cosmetic surgery is unnecessary...

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    • profile image

      Older and wiser (and a little hot) 8 years ago

      Very inflammatory and dripping needlessly with sarcasm. You're obviously unable to empathize with those that are trying to fight the ravages of time. But your inability to empathize won't matter in a few years when time starts tearing at your flesh, than we'll see if your high and mighty stance can stand the test of time.