Men Caught Wearing Lingerie: Country Edition
Have you been caught in lingerie? Are you currently paying off a blackmailer in fast food coupons because of an unfortunate slip when you thought you were alone on the plains? Getting caught in lingerie can be a man's worst nightmare, especially if he happens to live or be traveling in a highly conservative and somewhat rural setting.
Blame It On the Moonshine
Moonshine is the standard whipping boy for a wide range of sins, including those that could potentially result in chimera like offspring. If you're caught out country with your panties on, pretend to be inebriated and mutter about the price of oil. Chances are you'll be mistaken for a ruined oil baron and showered with sympathy.
Shouting yeeehaw and cavorting about the place like a rodeo rider on a bronco may throw people off the scent. Instead of catching you in a shameful secret, they have instead stumbled upon a wild celebration of something completely awesome. Remember that opinions are always fluid, and context rules the day. Say you stole those panties from some pretty lady's washing line and watch your hero status grow.
Cheney Made Me Do It
Those five words will garner understanding anywhere in the world, but especially in rural locations where his prowess with a rifle is legendary. If the man will shoot a friend and make the friend apologize for being shot, imagine what he'd do to someone who defied him. The Bush administration may be out of office now, but their legend lives on.
Palin Made Me Do It
Also an effective excuse, but for different reasons. Claim that you came upon Palin in the cold moonlight, skinning a kill with her bare teeth. She advanced upon you with a gleam in her eye and you knew that her intent was to take your seed to spawn yet another child. Your only recourse was to don a pair of panties in order to divert her lascivious attentions.
It's A City Thing
Country folk already know that everyone from the city is a decadent slime ball, so if you're from the city there's a good chance that you'll get away with being caught in lingerie. If you play your cards right with some of the ones who yearn to leave the leafy groves and wide plains of the countryside, you might even start a trend!
The Final Word
Remember in life attitude is everything, well, almost everything. Act as if there's nothing wrong and chances are that other people will end up agreeing with you.