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Gaga For Goatees, And Other Types Of Facial Hair

Updated on November 17, 2017
Joaquin Phoenix-The Crazy Beard
Joaquin Phoenix-The Crazy Beard

There's something about men's facial hair, don't you think ladies? I mean, a man doesn't seem to be a man unless he has a little manly hair in a well-maintained patch on his face. It's like he's tending a little garden of masculinity.

Let's clarify something first: I'm not a fan of FULL THICK BEARDS. Full beards say to me one of three things:

  1. "Ah screw it, I give up on grooming."
  2. "I like having a built in food catcher"
  3. "I'm a little crazy and I don't care who knows it." (like Joaquin Phoenix, Mel Gibson, and that guy from the Hangover)

Yeah, sorry ZZ-Top, I may love a "sharp-dressed man", but I don't go for a beard you could lose a hoagie in.

Got to have soul.
Got to have soul.
King of the 'Stache
King of the 'Stache

My Top 5

  1. Goatee- Something about this combo of well groomed moustache and minimalist chin beard makes me weak in the knees. Spock-from-that-alternative-universe-episode, I want to marry you and have your pointed-eared babies! Too much? Sorry.
  2. Soul patch-Not willing to commit to a lot of facial hair? Then the soul patch is for you. Just a tickle of hair on your chin, that's all.
  3. The 'Stache-Some guys can really pull off the 'stache. Burt Reynolds is the classic 'stache holder. However, you can get carried away with the 'stache. It think it needs to be thick and manly but also well groomed. But guys, please stop trying to be fancy with it. What are you trying to say, "handle bar 'stache guy?" Am I supposed to play ring toss on your waxed up wings? Oh, and guy who's been trying to grow a 'stache for a month, give it up already. Nobody thinks peach fuzz is sexy.

4. Side burns- Side burns really suit some people. It gives them a classic 70's bad a$$ look. There's definitely a right way and a wrong way to do sideburns.

Josh Holloway has perfect sideburns with just the right amount of stubble

Very nice sideburns
Very nice sideburns

Hugh's sideburns are a little over the top, but he pulls it off.


5. Scuffy day old- A little scruff is sexy; it gives a man the "I just got out off bed" look. I like it, for a novelty. But it's hard to maintain without getting into the dreaded full-fledged beard. Also, it feels like sandpaper...ouch.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my hub on manly facial hair. Just remember men, Goatee=good, Crazy Beard=bad, and keep your fingers away from the Mr Natty Twizzle Moustache Wax, ok?


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    • hecate-horus profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Rowland Woods

      Thanks for stopping by, Hawkesdream!

    • Hawkesdream profile image


      7 years ago from Cornwall

      Personally, I like to see a well groomed beard on a man. I find it very appealing and distinguished. Having said that, my partner must be clean shaven. Interesting hub.

    • hecate-horus profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Rowland Woods

      Yeah, I guess I like the 70's. :) Thanks Alocsin!

    • alocsin profile image

      Aurelio Locsin 

      7 years ago from Orange County, CA

      It's kind of like the 1970s all over again. Voting this Up and Interesting.


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