Heroes In Lingerie: Do Stockings And Suspenders Make For Better Superheroes?
Superheroes often wear tights, but what if they wore stockings and bras and lacy lingerie? The thought occurred to me late one night, and kept nagging at me for days, a niggling question that would not go away until it had been fully investigated. I tried to occupy myself with other things, but it was to no avail. This, one of life's great mysteries must be answered. In order to do so, I donned my special scientific coat, opened my copy of Photoshop, and set to work finding out just what would happen if heroes wore lingerie.
Superman already wears his underwear outside his tights, but he's stuck to the same plain red spandex since his inception. What about a bit of satin and lace to spice things up? For those of you looking closely, yes those are crotchless panties. When you're flying through the air like a plane and doing battle with super villains, easy access to one's most important tools is absolutely essential.
Whilst wearing lingerie, Superman's x ray vision lingers over the lacy detail he finds lurking under the clothing of female passers by, not in a lecherous fashion, but in an effort to discover new and exciting items of lingerie to add to his collection.
The Incredible Hulk
He's mean, he's green, and he is the epitome of testosterone overload, but as we all know, real men can wear lingerie too, and that includes real green men. It's often been remarked upon the terrible way that the Hulk's clothing rips and hangs from his body in shreds when he transforms from mere man hulking behemoth, but perhaps a nice stretchy pair of panties could grow with him, not only providing an elegant accent to his green hues, but also covering him from any risk of indecency.
The bra provides extra support for the stretching which must occur during transformations. Just ask any pregnant woman what happens when your body suddenly blows up and then shrinks back to its original size. You might be laughing, but the Hulk would probably benefit a great deal from a supportive bra.
He may not be your stereotypical hero, but the Pillsbury Doughboy brings great happiness to millions of people every day, and if that's not heroism, then I don't know what is. When Poppin' Fresh isn't advocating the consuming of delicious baked goods, there's no reason why he shouldn't be chilling out in a body stocking that not only helps control his doughy curves, but keeps him looking hotter than anything that could come out of an oven!
If these three examples of raw masculinity can be improved with a touch of lace, then what man can deny that maybe he too could benefit from a little silky satin in his life? Perhaps you're like Superman, an exhibitionary minimalist, content with a pair of lacy panties to get you through tough situations. Or maybe you're on the larger side, and need a little more support from your lingerie, like the Hulk does. Or maybe you're an adorable little fellow who just likes the feeling of lace and mesh all over his body.
Be your own hero. Wear lingerie.