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How To Date A Man Who Wears Women's Lingerie

Updated on October 16, 2009

Even if you don't read past this first paragraph, you'll have probably learned most of what you need to know about dating a man who wears womens lingerie. So listen up (read up?) here it is: Forget about trying to change him. Seriously. This isn't a 'phase', this isn't a 'stage', it's not a 'hobby', and you can't break him of it. If you're currently going along to get along with a man who wears lingerie and thinking that you'll one day be able to stop him from wearing that freaky stuff then do yourself a favor and either accept that he will probably always wear women's lingerie, or break it off with him.

It's true that you might one day be able to guilt and / or pressure him into no longer wearing lingerie, but do you know what will happen if you 'win'? His desires will go underground. He will sneak around behind your back wearing lingerie when he gets the chance, his lingerie related fantasies will increase considerably. (We all want what we can't have.)

Why is this? Well, for most men who wear lingerie, the desire started when they were very young, oftentimes before puberty set in. These are times when psycho-sexual preferences can be determined very strongly. By the time you met him, his lingerie desires are practically hardwired in. Can they change over time? Yes. Some men do just loose interest, but if he does lose interest it won't be because you want him to.

Trying to change a man is never a great idea. It leads to resentment, anger, frustration and a sense of being trapped in a relationship. He'll pretend to change, and on the outside he may even do it for a while, but eventually you are going to find a pair of panties that aren't your size. You'll feel betrayed and hurt, he's lied to you!

Understand that telling a man who loves to wear women's lingerie that he can't wear women's lingerie is like him telling you that you may never engage in your intimate fantasies (whatever they may be).

Ideally, relationships are about fulfilling one another's needs as far as is possible. If the whole 'lingerie' thing is just too much for you, then it is better to move on and find someone who fits your preferences and preconceived notions of manhood.

If you love him, if you want to be a part of his life, and to have him as a part of yours, then the following articles may help you come to terms with his lingerie wearing habits.

Should I Worry If He Wears Lingerie?

Is He Gay If He Wears Women's Panties?

Why I Like My Men In Lingerie

Do Men Have The Right To Wear Panties? 


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      Joanjo 8 years ago

      Hi Hope, You've hit the target yet again, your article is so right. I made the terrible mistake of not telling my wife before we married that I was a crossdresser and had been since a very early age. We went through an absolutey dire period in our marriage.After much pressure I attended theoropy clinic and agreed to give up cross dressing, this led to a very difficult and unhappy period of my life, I became withdrawn, angry, resentful etc. My wife became so concerned that one day she left me a note to say that she had left items of her older underwear in my wardrobe and that I could wear them when I wanted.WOW can you just imagine how I felt? Since that time we have discussed the why's and wherefores of wearing panties etc and although she doesn't really approve she is understanding enough to let me dress provided it's not too often.She said that initially she felt cheated and that I wasn't a proper man also that the mystery and allure of real women was erroded.I always bear this in mind.Since those days we have shopped for dresses, underwear, skirts together,It's great fun buying a lovely new dress for your wife knowing that one of her older ones will be coming your way. I am a straight cross dresser and I know I will never be able to go public in my fem clothes as I am not convincing but now there is no pain or guilt of wanting to wear womens clothes all as a result of discussion and understanding and love.

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      john 9 years ago

      Hope, you are soooo right. I fell in love with pair of soft rumba panties, that belonged to the little girl next door, when I was around 4. I swiped them, of course, got caught by my Father, had the facts explained to me, and was forbidden to wear such again. Too late, I was in love. I'm near 60 now and still love the feel of lingerie. Had a wife who tolerated it for 8 years. She never said if it had anything to do with the divorce. The nicest gift a woman could give me is some pretty lingerie - and a wink to let me know she likes me in it.

      Love your Hub. Keep up the good work.

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      Mikki 9 years ago

      It often takes great insight to point out the obvious to the oblivious. This is one of those things that, to a lingerie wearing male at least, is as plain as the grass needing sunlight... and that so many women (and men) just can't see. I have lived in the lingerie closet all my life, and will probably until my demise... but I would have loved to live in nice lingerie, pretty skirts, cute shoes, long hair, makeup... all when I wished and without guilt or shame or suffering the loss of all I hold dear.

      Thanks again for your keen insights Hope - your name was aptly provided.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 9 years ago

      Hey Leah! Nice to see you again! Wondered where you had got to:) And thanks for crediting me with a surge in worldwide lingerie sales.. it's time I got a deal with those lingerie manufacturers I think ;)

    • LatexLeah profile image

      LatexLeah 9 years ago

      FACT: Hope joined Hubpages two years ago.

      FACT: Lingerie sales are up 17% worldwide in the last two years.

      Coincidence? I think not!! :)

      You nailted it again Hope! Thank you so much for sharing your insight.

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      GEIGE 9 years ago

      hope, you are so right! David, my husband has had an attraction to the feminine since I met him. At first I thought it was just a quirk and ignored his lingerie wearing. Then I told him of my displeasure with his choice and told him it replulsed me.I love him and that was the worst thing I could have done. he went into a shell, I could tell I was denying him something that he enjoyed and made him feel good. He gradually brought panties back into his wardrobe, then bras.Now I don't say anything. He keeps his lingerie in plain site and in our common laundry. I seldom have to tell him that his bra is to obvious but if I do mention something he always thanks me and makes an adjustment.

      Occaisionally he will wear his bra and panties when we are intimate, he doesn't always,and I do enjoy the tactile pleasures of carressing in silk and satin.Men are complex creatures and if you want to feel the depth of their love you will accept as best you can and understand his feminine side.


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      Dave 9 years ago

      I love you Hope!! Thanks to your blogs I have been able to accurate describe my needs to some women lately and really open up and you know what, it's all good. Both women I shared my desires with thought about it for a few minutes then dug into their panty drawer and said "Which ones turn you on?"

      You rock!!