ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to shave your beard in 15 easy steps.

Updated on November 25, 2009

How to shave your beard in 15 easy steps

So you have woken up out of a complete stupor.  What the hell happened to your face? You have an animal living on it. No wait, it is not an animal, it is your beard.  Where did it come from?  That is besides the point. The real question is, "How are you going to get that ugliness off of your face"?  For those of you that have been living in a cave for most of your life,  I will now explain how to rid yourself of your beard.

Here is how you shave your face.

  • First, go to a pharmacy or supermarket...or gas station...or into your Dad's shaving kit and locate a blade.  Make sure that blade is not damaged.  Therefore, look at the blade and be sure that it does not protrude in a way that will somehow dismember your face from its head area.  Also, look to see that there is no blood on the blade.  This is just plain gross.  Now that you have examined the blade move onto step number two...
  • Step number...Second.  Start shaving your face.  If you are scared that you will do a poor job, you are probably right.  You can try practicing shaving on a balloon to make sure your do not complete suck.  If your balloon does not pop, your face will stay in tack. If on the other hand it does pop, get ready with a lot of toilet paper to do some repairs.
  • Third, if your beard is too long, try using scissors to trim the grotesque pile of animal death on your face.  If you are scared practice on someone else first.  Yeah...ask a complete stranger if you can chip away at their face with dull scissor.  You will get a "Yes" in no time.  If you struggle with that move onto step 4.
  • 4.  I cannot believe you do not know how to shave your face.
  • 5.  If all else fails, go for lazer hair removal.  But don't stop there, make sure they get all the hair off your body.  Look at the upside, you can become a swimmer.  If that is not an upside for you...tough.  You made a poor decision.  Bald...ify yourself.
  • 6.  Made you look.
  • 7. You seriously can't shave your face?  Were you abandoned as a child?
  • 8.  Whatever you do, be certain that you do not use a chef's knife to get rid of the beard.
  • 9. After you have cleaned your face, put on some after shave.

Good luck with shaving your face.  Remember that it is really pointless keep shaving; it only grows back.  Be happy with your beard.  I think this was about shaving....maybe morality.

Once upon a was the end of the article.


Submit a Comment

No comments yet.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)