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Is Lingerie A Gateway Garment?

Updated on October 13, 2009

Many women whose husbands or boyfriends reveal that they like to wear lingerie have a deep fear, an unspoken fear, a fear that torments them whilst they watch romantic comedies and weep slightly as the oh so masculine heroes of stage and screen perform in suitably male attire (unless its one of those European heritage films, in which case its likely that the men are wearing more lace and make up than the women, but that's a topic for another day.)

The fear that these women have isn't that Jack is wearing a pair of bikini cut panties under his jeans, its that she will one day come home to find him prancing about in a cocktail dress and heels, demanding that she call him Jill and declare herself a lesbian.

Is the fear irrational? Not completely. I can reassure any female readers that the bulk of men who like to wear lingerie usually cap their predelicitions at one or two types of garment. They'll enjoy panties perhaps, or stockings, or maybe camisoles and pantyhose, or perhaps some other lingerie combination, but that is often where they will leave it.

Some men don't stop at the panties however, they go from panties to stockings to heels to handbags to dresses, and before you know what's happening there are two ladies in your relationship. Of course, even if that does happen, it doesn't necessarily mean that he will want to become a woman full time, that is a relatively rare occurrence (no matter what Jerry Springer might tell you).

The desire to wear women's clothes and live as a woman might perhaps stem from a similar place as the desire to wear a pair of panties, but they are not the same thing. It's much the same way as the desire to have a few drinks on Saturday night doesn't necessarily equate to the desire to spend three years wasted out of your mind before eventually driving through your sister's deck on her wedding day and becoming the subject of a hilarious rehab themed romantic comedy.

99% of the population have no desire to take the hobbies or pastimes they find enjoyable and live them as a full time lifestyle, so when a man says he wants to wear some panties, that's more than likely what he means - he wants to wear some panties. If you suspect it goes deeper than that (your eyeshadow keeps going missing, and your dresses are starting to look a little stretched around the shoulders), then it is definitely time to talk more and decide if that is a relationship you want to be in.

I think most men who want to live as cross dressers or live as women know that from a relatively early age, it's pretty rare that the strong and unstoppable desire comes on in middle age. That means that the man you married, or the man you are with already knows what it is he really wants. Open and honest communication is the only way to truly know what he is up to, but you need not fear that lingerie will slowly draw him further and further into a world of womenswear, and studies indicate that recreational lingerie use is perfectly safe.


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    • Histiletto profile image

      Histiletto 9 years ago

      We live in a society that has determined rules that fit a lot of people, but they don't ring true for everyone. Like me, I have this desire to wear stiletto heeled pumps, but society has ruled that men wearing high heels is against the standard of dress. Somehow a few socialites have determined what each person is suppose to be like and they have to fall in line with that decision or face ridicule or social bannishment. The rights of personal choice has been taken from us to appease the standard that doesn't really reflect the identity of individuals. My wearing high heels is my right of choice. Under the same standard procedure of conformity, if I ruled the world, all men and women would have to wear high heels in order that they would be perceived as adhering to the social rules. If you can see how rediculous this senario is, then you understand how I feel being denied my right of personal choice to wear high heels.

    • LatexLeah profile image

      LatexLeah 9 years ago

      Lingerie is a "gateway" garment as it is normally easily accessable by raiding Mom's or Sis' lingerie drawer at the age this thling normally rears its' satin head. I believe the makeup and dress thing is part of the normal progression as we explore our "feminine side." Obviously not all male lingerie lovers go all the way, but I suspect it wouldn't take much arm twisting (or too many margaritas) for them to don a dress, especially a sparkly one. (and who wouldn't pass up a chance to hang six pounds of silicone breast forms on our chests in pretty bra? C'mon be honest!)

      As far as living full time, speaking soley from my observations and experience, it's an escape from real life and is probably driven by the urge to evade life's traumas, at least for a little while. Therefore not all (very few) will want to live "full time" as life's setbacks and pitfalls are usually temporary in nature.

      The Hopester has nailed it again, we know from an early age we are "blessed" with this urge.

    • profile image

      Janie 9 years ago

      I have been wearing my wife's panties full time now for about a year as they are so much more comfortable than mens underwear. I have her full approval. For fun, I have also gotten dressed up in stockings and a french maids outfit and fully serviced my wife from making dinner to cleaning up then full body massages. In bed I wear either silk or nylon pajamas or nightgowns. My wife and I have never been closer and I am the luckiest man in the world.

    • profile image

      Gunnau 9 years ago from Central Coast NSW Australia

      Lingerie is often seen as a stepping stone.

      Although i have freedom to wear many lingerie items and pantyhose, there are limitations.

      I asked for a skirt and was confronted by my wifes fear that i will become a fully functional cross dresser.

      I love the idea of a skirt for men but it looks like i'll have to be happy with what i have. At least while she is around the house anyway.