On the Importance of Cleaning Your Shoes
Barbara: Welcome to the View. Today's topic is "The Importance of Cleaning Your Shoes."
Whoopie: The Man keeps us down by making us wear shoes.
Elisabeth: I never wore shoes when I was on Survivor. Now I can afford any shoes I want. Imelda Marcos would be jealous of my shoe closet.
Barbara: Please be quiet Elisabeth. I am about to speak.
Elisabeth: When I was on Survivor I was never quiet.
Joy: I have a stand-up routine. I can do 15 minutes on the importance of cleaning your shoes.
Barbara: Shut up, all of you. I am about to bestow my opinion on the shoe cleaning moral imperative.
Whoopie: Shoe morality is a creation of The Man to keep us down.
Barbara: Please, close your pie holes long enough to listen to me. Many of you already know that I was the first female co-anchor of a network evening news show, back when network evening news shows mattered.
Joy: Back when dinosaurs ruled the Earth?
Barbara: You can be replaced. We have another overweight lawyer on standby in the Green Room.
Whoopie: Ever wonder why the Green Room is green? Well-
> No, it's not The Man's fault again.
Elisabeth: Can we talk about our shoes some more?
Barbara: Our first guest has written a book titled "Shoe gotta be kidding: The plight of the Modern Woman in the Era of Dirty Footwear." Please welcome Dr. Molly Cule.
<Polite applause from the audience>
Elisabeth: Dr. Cule, where did you get those adorable size 12 Pradas?
Barbara: Dr. Cule, where do you stand on the importance of cleaning your shoes?
Whoopie: My shoes still have clay on them from when we filmed 'Ghost'.
Barbara: Don't take this wrong; you're a moron.You weren't even in that scene.
Elisabeth: That's mean. She was a ghost. She could have been in every scene and we didn't see her.
Whoopie: Thank you, Elisabeth.
Barbara: We'll be back after this message from Dr. Scholl's.
<Producer's Voice>: You've been canceled. We're going with reruns of The McLaughlin Group. Perhaps we can negate some of this lunacy.
Barbara: I wonder if Regis needs a partner.