Panties, Panties, Panties For Celebrity Men

Who doesn't love panties. I love panties. I love panties because of the way they feel against my skin. I love the way they look. I love the way they come in a wide variety of styles and colors. I love the way they're always there, waiting in the lingerie drawer for their chance to adorn my body. They're so sweet, so sensual, so loyal.

There's a lot to love about panties, and I love a lot about them, but most of all, I love the way I can go into any store on the planet, buy panties and not get so much as a raised eyebrow. Why's that? How did I manage such a feat? Well, chaps and chapettes, I cleverly managed to be born with two X chromosomes. It was a masterful stroke, and it clearly shows the value of planning and goal setting when one is in the fetal stage of one's development. Half the planet clearly failed to plan ahead in this fashion and instead of being born female, with super advantages like having not one, but two ovaries and an increased blood flow through the hypothalamus when emotional, they got a crippled chromosome and the ability to hit things hard.

Perhaps it is only right that women (in the West of course, because only Western women are allowed to wear whatever they want, Middle Eastern women must have screwy chromosomes or something. Clearly they're doing it wrong,) get to wear any form of clothing they deem acceptable on any given day.

After all, one of the greatest female role models of 2009, Lady Gaga, has chosen not to wear pants, and you know what, that's super fine, because she's female. Britney Spears abandoned panties and apart from a few raised eyebrows and steamy paparazzi lenses, life went on. As far as I'm aware this year, most male celebrities have carefully toed the line, wearing clothes and punching things.

If you don't think celebrities are representative of society as a whole I would first agree, then I would disagree. Celebrities are of course, superior beings genetically engineered by mega corporations, but their behavior represents what is acceptable. We're all so lost right now we don't know what's okay and what isn't, that's why we refer to celebrities, who can tell us how to do our hair, what clothes to wear and which hybrid car to buy all with a silent smug smile into a red carpet camera.

Of course, there was that time that Joe Jonas put on a leotard and heels and danced to Single Ladies, by Beyonce. This single act could seriously unbalance the libidos of young impressionable men who look up to the Jonas brothers as role models. Every guy is going to have to have a pair of heels now. I wonder if they'll still be able to punch Perez Hilton this hard with the reduced traction you get when wearing stilettos?

Today stilettos and a leotard, tomorrow a range of pretty pink panties in a signature Jonas Brothers fashion line. You mark my words. Mark them!