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Personality Test: What Does The Color Of Your Lingerie Say About You?

Updated on October 13, 2009

Were you wondering what your lingerie color says about you? Well wonder no longer! Through the powers of the Interweb, you can use this article written by a complete stranger to give you insight into your own unique persona! Enlightenment could be just a paragraph away! Go down my patented super awesome color chart and see what the color of your lingerie says about you!

Red

Red represents: Passion, blood, death, communism.

Only psychotics wear red lingerie. Well, to be fair, psychotics and hookers. Well, psychotics and hookers and communists. If you're wearing red lingerie, its a sure sign that you're a psychotic communist who will shortly be breaking the law in every American state apart from Nevada, where morals have been replaced with gambling reservations.

White

White represents: Purity, innocence, death.

If you're over the age of 20, there's no excuse to be wearing white. Who are you trying to fool anyway? We all know you're about as pure as Heidi Fleiss. Wearing white lingerie indicates deep seated denial of life's realties, and a fear of death. It also indicates someone who stains easily and turns grey after just a few washes.

Orange

Orange represents: Fruit.

What the hell are you thinking? Unless you're on a float in Rio, orange lingerie should never assail anyone's eyes.

Purple

Purple represents: the color of royalty and of sexual frustration.

You thought you were doing well with the royal reference, didn't you? Well think again buddy. Royals are well known for two things: inbreeding and syphilis. Are you feeling a little crazy? Fancying a family member? Experiencing a rash and itchy discomfort where your genitals used to be? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you're wearing purple lingerie.

Black:

Black represents: Unimaginative, evil, oppressive.

People who wear black lingerie secretly long for death, or failing that, life in colorless colony where machines rule over humans. Black lingerie wearers are likely to have mapped out not just routines, but complex strategies for simple tasks like brushing their teeth. Black lingerie wearers will tell on other coworkers if they feel that they have taken too many bathroom breaks, and will insist on merging exactly like a zip at intersections.

Blue

Blue represents: Boredom, desperation, imprisonment.

Blue lingerie wearers are black lingerie wearers that have fooled themselves into thinking that they're 'wacky' and 'out there'. Blue lingerie wearers cut their sandwiches into perfect triangles and always do their laundry on Wednesdays. People who wear blue lingerie also feel slightly guilty for how much candy they've eaten today, and if they haven't eaten any candy, then they feel guilty for failing to go to the gym, or if they went to the gym, then they feel guilty about not working out until they threw up. Life is a big long guilt party for people who wear blue lingerie.

Pink

Pink represents: femininity, sweetness, disconnection from reality.

People who wear pink lingerie can do no wrong. They float through life effortlessly, scattering petals of joy wherever they go. Pink lingerie wearers love the way that those nice uniformed people leave little love notes on their car when they park it across three sweet spaces, all with those cute little arm chair pictures painted in them. Wearers of pink lingerie live in a beautiful world where nothing that goes wrong can't be fixed with a cute little pout and a high pitched whine. They are likely to own small, badly socialized dogs and to forget mundane activities like paying bills or cleaning up after themselves. For reasons that completely escape them, they often have to change residences due to angry lynch mobs forming outside their homes.

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    • profile image

      Daniel 6 years ago

      OMG! Pink, or White, or, Pink and White, the cherub on my shoulder whispers. Head in the clouds and fingers in the cookie jar LOL. But what about pink and white tie-side little nothings? They're so cute! Love my lover girl in pretty tie-side silky nothings.

      Question here -- how does a guy get by in public with really expensive undies under fitted jeans without a woman's sharp eye zeroing in on the dimpled elastic panty lines? When you know what you're looking for it's impossible to miss what you are looking at. Same goes for cami straps -- ambient lighting casting a minimal shadow for a fraction of a second and that silky little secret is secret no longer. Half the fun is remaining absolutely unrevealing, upright, just, and noble in public.

      Any advice or insight?

    • profile image

      JEFF 9 years ago

      HOPE I LOVE to wear double layer scoop neck nighties from a long time ago i buy off ebay and some of these are beautiful i like peach and pink my wife does not care what color i wear it doesnt matter to her im so lucky.

    • profile image

      likewhatiam 9 years ago

      Hi hope I know this is a bit late judging by the last entry but my favorite colours are white beige and pink but just as long as they are soft lacy and comfortable I really don't care what colour they are. i just have an infatuation with lingerie and great hubs like yours keep up the good work. long live our pantie Queen. That's you by the way Hope.

    • profile image

      ILoveLingerie 9 years ago

      OK I like and wear white the most lol, didn't know I stain often^^

    • micamyx` profile image

      micamyx` 9 years ago

      I am wearing black right now and its partly true! LOL

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 9 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hahaha

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 9 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      Ok I stand corrected ( wearing thigh highs and feeling very silly)

    • Hope Alexander profile image
      Author

      Hope Alexander 9 years ago

      LOL!

    • CJStone profile image

      CJStone 9 years ago from Whitstable, UK

      Or brown. Brown is the colour of lingerie worn by people who never change their lingerie.

    • Hope Alexander profile image
      Author

      Hope Alexander 9 years ago

      Actually less than a quarter of my hubs fall into the men wearing lingerie category, it's just that they happen to be the most popular ;)

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 9 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      well all of the other hubs by the author are about men wearing lingere which I think by conventional terminology is crossdressing so I took a leap and assumed this fell into that category

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      Where does this hub say it's talking about cross-dressing?

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 9 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      Opps I didn't mean you were a crosssdresser Isabella, I meant him, or her..or well..umm not you

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 9 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      Is green a common color in crossdressing?

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      Where's green???? What's green mean? BTW, I would *so* wear that Rainbow Brite outfit!

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 9 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      Wow...now I am curious... but I feel that I will be biased when shopping for my first garterbelt...I would have went with blue but I don't want to be boring!

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