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Should I Give Her Lingerie?

Updated on July 5, 2009

Should intimate gifts be exchanged between friends?

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I’m the type of person who buys gifts for people without hesitation. I see something amazing that reminds me of someone I know and I buy it to either give it to them immediately or to save it for a special occasion. Though I realize it’s not economically sound to buy something for someone without knowing first if they’d be able to use it or even if they’d like it, I can’t help it. I was raised to think of others first. That having been said, I’ve never been in your situation. As I’m a private person, I can’t imagine buying an intimate garment for a friend of either gender regardless of how strong our friendship is. Let me explain my reasoning.

  • When I’m buying a present for someone, I always ask myself if I’d be willing to accept such a present from them. Being that I’m shy, I know I would never be able to handle receiving lingerie from a friend (male or female). For this reason, I would never be able to give such a present. You have to ask yourself if you’d mind receiving the same present from your friend. If the answer is no, don’t do it. And, even if the answer is yes, I would still suggest you not do it. Unless it’s a present for a bachelor or bachelorette party (or something that has been specifically asked for), friends don’t give other friend intimate items.
  • Your friend may have a significant other that wouldn’t appreciate their partner receiving sexy clothes from a friend. By giving them this present, you are not only risking a fight between the couple, but also risking an altercation between you and the angry partner. Would you want your girlfriend or boyfriend receiving intimate gifts from a friend? I know I wouldn’t.
  • Though you may believe that your friend has been giving off signals telling you that they want to know you in a more intimate way and you’re only buying them this present for that reason, you may have misread them. One of my biggest character flaws is that I’m a flirt. I don’t mean to be, but it just happens. If someone I accidentally flirted with took my behavior to mean I wanted to interact more intimately with them, they would wrong. If they bought me a piece of lingerie based on said miscommunication, I would be offended and steer clear of them from now. Do you want this to happen with your friend?
  • Let’s say you simply bought them this gift because it was pretty and you wanted to brighten up their day. You have no intention of wanting to pursue a more intimate relationship with them nor do you expect anything in return for this gift. Unless you firmly and explicitly told them this, they are likely to think something more of it. No one wants to offend their friend or give them the wrong idea. To keep on the safe side, don’t give them such a sexually charged present. You don’t want them to get the wrong idea about you and for drama to ensue.
  • Okay so your friend has made it clear that they want something more than friendship from you and have asked for you to get them a sexy present. Before swiping that credit card, you need to decide if this is something you want and something you’re prepared for. Can you handle this change in your relationship? Are you willing to risk your friendship in exchange for sexual gratification? You need to decide now before taking another step. Few people enter into this territory and remain unscathed.

In short, to answer your question, I don’t think it’s appropriate to give a friend an intimate present. You may have the best and purest intentions in mind, but such a gift leaves too much to the imagination. You don’t want to risk offending her or anyone who is important in her life. For the sake of your pride and the boundaries of your friendship, leave the lingerie on the shelf and in your mind. If you find that you can’t handle abstaining from giving her such gifts, limit the amount of contact you have with her until that need subsides. Unless she’s the type of person who enjoys receiving such gifts or your relationship dramatically shifts and you become an item, don’t take the risk of going too far. One person’s gift is another person’s inspiration for a restraining order.


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