Speaking of Style | Fashion Words That Aren't

Fashion words? Can words can be fashionable? Oh yes indeed. At one time it was considered fashionable to be learned, well spoken and eloquent. Now it seems to be in fashion to sound as though your parents denied you of human contact in your formative years, leaving you with the communication skills of an angry badger.

However socially acceptable it may be to drive another nail into the eloquence of your nation whenever you speak, there are certain advantages to refining one's language. Like a fine Armani suit, the way you speak influences the way you are perceived in the upper echelons of society.

Here are a few words you might consider removing from your vocabulary forthwith, and words with which you may replace them:

Stylee / Stylie – This. Is. Not. A. Word. This abomination was originally believed to have emerged from the backwoods of Eketehuna. If you don't know where Eketehuna is, it's about time you got to putting your virtual atlas access to good use.) In this woebegone location, the term 'stylee' was the verbal attempt of people who spent the majority of their lives wading about in neck deep mud to describe a 1975 Toyota Corolla. It's too late to try to reclaim this non word for fashion good, let it die, for the love of all that is good, let it die.

Eloquent alternatives: Chic, Dapper, Sleek, Ritzy, Rakish

Bootylicious – Is my body too bootylicious for you babe? (Translation: Is my ass too fat? Did I eat too many pies? Does it look like I stuffed my panties with Twinkies?) If you have to even ask this question you need to take yourself to the hospital stat to have that accidental pop lobotomy reversed.

Eloquent alternatives: Rotund, Portly, Ponderous, Hefty, Dumpy

Girlfrien' - What's wrong with pronouncing d's? Do you not like consonants in general, or is it just 'D' you have a problem with? What did 'd' ever do to you? I bet you pronounce it in other instances, such as when you say “Daym, I think Diddy done did it.” (And by it, you mean impregnated you at long distance with his baby even though you never actually met him and Lil' Big Dawg Dwayne was over the other day and y'all didn't use protection.)

Eloquent alternatives: Compatriot, Consort, Comrade, Chum

Dawg – I blame Randy Jackson for this one. The impressionable youth of the world never stood a chance. Even if he had been more grammatically correct and referred to contestants as 'Dog', the English language still would not have benefited a great deal from the exchange.

Eloquent alternatives: Dear Fellow, Chap, Friend, Swizzlestick

Daym - Damn you to hell.

Eloquent Alternative: None Needed

Beatch / Beotch / Beyotch - It's not less offensive just because you spelled it wrong.

Eloquent alternative: Harridan, Harlot, Harpy, Hellion, Vituperator