Tee Shirts I'd like to see

It seems to me that we should not buy clothing with brand names on them. These companies have huge advertising budgets – they should pay us to display their names!

There are all sorts of commentaries that need no embellishment yet are too big for a bumper sticker. Or they would cause an accident while the person behind you Is trying to read the whole thing. My favorite example comes from Will Rogers: “If you find yourself deep in a hole, the first thing you need to do is … stop digging!”

I have a tee shirt that caught my boss’ eye because he only saw the front, which reads “You can do anything you want …”. He had me turn around to find the ending: “… at Alice’s Restaurant.” This is a reference to Arlo Guthrie’s anti-war song of the late 1960s. I was thrilled when I saw the actual place where Alice’s Restaurant used to be.

Sometimes these observations are fun when split to the front and back of a tee shirt. Other times they do fine just on the back.

Herein I offer some of my ideas for new and wondrous tee shirts. To any of you tee shirt manufacturers out there, I am willing to sell these – for a fee and the citation of my name, of course.

If you have original snippets of your own to add, please add them as comments so I can give you full credit.

There are three thing in life I won't try: lesbianism, murder and hard drugs. My reason: I might like them.

I'll try anything twice -- the first time I may be too scared to enjoy
it.

I wish I was an ostrich,

Head deep beneath the sand.

Then they might all wake up

And start to understand.

On teaching:

Think of me as the cornea of your mind's eye, trying to tighten the focus.

“Elegant fish dinner”

(headline was on a recipe newsletter)

… Sorry – In all my years, I’ve yet to meet an elegant fish!

In western New York, parking is more hazardous than driving. Despite no moving violations, I have over $800 worth of dings, dents and scrapes – and not a single note on the windshield.

Twelve out of every 37 people believe statistics ... or think they lie.

On slasher movies and loopy roller coasters:

If I want to be scared out of my skin, I ‘ll just look at my bills.

I wonder why ruling positions are always named after furniture:

• Secretary
• Cabinet
• Divan
• Chair
• House
• Desk

Sometimes I think it’s because all they do is collect dust.