ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Great Celebrity Panty Heist

Updated on October 13, 2009

After years of being a law abiding citizen, my lust for lingerie has finally overcome the conditioning which society imposed on me from a tender age. Thus I plan to embark upon a life of crime and steal high profile lingerie for fun and profit.

All great heists need a solid plan. I've decided to write mine down and post it on the Internet, which should save me at least ten minutes of hysterical cackling at the end of proceedings before I slowly lower the hero of this story into a vat of acid filled with sharks. (If anyone is interested, the part of 'hero' is currently open. I'll be having auditions soon, so keep your eyes and ears peeled for that.)

On my lingerie hit list are:

Trying to steal her bra would be an exercise in futility...

Lindsay Lohan's Panties.

Lindsay Lohan allegedly has a fiery crotch. By removing her underwear and having it checked for signs of arson, we can determine whether this rumor is true or simply the stuff of legends. Not only would this be lingerie related fun, it would also be scientific, and I am a huge fan of science. Like the large hadron collider, that's plenty awesome. I plan to vote for it in the upcoming elections in my homeland. (If you think that last sentence didn't make sense, it's probably because we're all slowly being sucked into a black hole and time is running backwards now. See?)

Sharon Stone's Panties

Sharon rarely wears underwear, so being able to capture a pair of her panties would be the lingerie equivalent to spotting a rare white tailed tit in the mating season. At last check in, Sharon was being sued by several hundred Chinese for saying that they deserved the earthquake which occurred due to the bad karma they had made. Once they get done suing the pants off her, getting at her panties should be child's play!

Something tells me she might enjoy it...

Kim Kardashian's Panties

I'll need a larger pair of panties to carry the others away in. Kim's panties are the only logical choice.

Gina Gershon's Panties

Everyone has someone they would go gay for. I would most certainly go gay for Gina Gershon, in fact, trying to resist that much hotness is simply against the laws of nature and would surely lead to tears in the space time continuum and possibly the end of life as we know it, which means that really I would have to go gay for Gina in order to save the world, should the need ever arise.

Michelle Yeoh's Panties

I leave this until last because it will undoubtedly be the biggest challenge of them all. I once saw a movie where Michelle was standing on half a table (as you do) then broke it in half due to a rather powerful kick from an assailant and instead of falling down like any sensible person would do she flipped about the place and ended up using the table legs as stilts with which she could still kick some serious ass. Michelle Yeoh's panties are therefore the holy grail of panties, which will only be attained after much suffering and things of that nature.

(It also goes without saying that I would totally go gay for Michelle Yeoh also.)

Who else's panties need stealing? Add your ideas and suggestions to the great panty heist plan. Offers of food, safe houses, getaway drivers and bail monies are also appreciated.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Doug 

      8 years ago

      As a product of the 1980’s, I’d have to go for Debby Harry and Joan Jett. Also RuPaul.

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      8 years ago

      Rhona Mitra is SO underrated.

    • profile image

      Bashful 

      8 years ago

      I'd definatley have a go at Adriana Lima's or Rhona Mitra's, BUT why stop with just the panties?

    • Amanda Severn profile image

      Amanda Severn 

      9 years ago from UK

      Here in the Uk the word 'panties' is interchangeable with the word 'knickers', as in the phrase 'I'd like to get into her knickers' (But that's a whole different subject!). Older people also use the word 'draws', or 'scanties'. Strange, deviant males occassionally steal panties from washing lines, and this is referred to as 'Knicker knicking'. Whose panties would I like to steal? Hmm. That requires careful consideration. I guess it depends whether it's for my own personal re-use in which case I'd require something more ample than Victoria Beckhams or Paris Hiltons. I guess I probably need something more like Bridget Jones. At least they would keep my kidneys warm, and I'd be safe playing hockey in a hockey skirt!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)