The Six Lingerie Commandments

We always let religions get away with having all the fun making up rules by which we should live our lives. If we let our lingerie guide us, war would be much less likely, but smooth silky fun levels would be guaranteed to increase 800% (according to the analysts I keep chained in my basement for just such occasions.)

So then, I bring you the five commandments of lingerie. Following these commandments will lead you to greater joy in your lingerie wearing.

Fresh Lingerie

Fresh lingerie must be the order of the day. If you are coming to wearing lingerie from being a man, you must leave behind the manly notions of the occasional wash or the flip n' switch and wear fresh panties every day. This is the first, and perhaps most essential commandment of lingerie.

Timely Washing

Lingerie shall be washed in a timely fashion. It shall not be stuffed under beds, in crevices, or in the glove box of your car, and only on extremely rare circumstances may it be used to gag a person. Under normal circumstances, soiled lingerie should be washed within a 24 hour time frame, lest it become tainted forever.

Delicate or Handwash

You shall not throw your lingerie in with the rest of your wash, cruelly subjecting its delicate fibers to the rigor of the 'regular' setting. You will purchase a lingerie wash bag and wash only on delicate settings, or if time permits, hand wash. Doing so will prolong the life, and ultimately your enjoyment of your lingerie.

Tired Lingerie Must Be Allowed To Die Humanely

When the elastic begins to stretch and separate from the waist and leg bands, when the material becomes faded or pilled, when the crotch becomes stained, then should your lingerie be given release from its lingerie duties.

Lingerie Shall Be Of The Right Size

You shall not go unto a lingerie store and purchase panties one size too small because they are the only ones left and they are pretty. Within a few minutes of wearing such panties you shall look not unlike a tightly stuffed tube of sausage meat, which is not as desirable as I make it sound with my lyrical prose.

Lingerie Shall Be Enjoyed

You shall always remember lingerie in the putting on, and the taking off, from the first day, to the last day. You shall give thanks for its soft caresses against your skin, its friendly touch, the way it supports you throughout the day, whether you be at work, or at play. Lingerie is your friend and closest ally, and must be treated with the respect it deserves.