ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

These Tights Are Not Pants

Updated on February 16, 2010

American Apparel has made a stand for all that is good and right in the world by printing a large label inside their pants that notifies the reader that the piece of apparel they are about to don is not a pair of pants.

In recent months, the 'tights as pants' phenomenon has spread across the globe. Here's a few reasons why its disturbing, and a few reasons why it is awesome.

The Awful

It makes your ass look huge. Huge. HUGE. Even if your ass isn't large. Even if you have a relatively small butt, wearing tights as pants is the quickest way to look like an elephant. It's so ironic that women, who have been asking 'does my butt look big in this' for years are now choosing in droves to wear the one garment guaranteed to add a good ten pounds to their derriere.

It makes you look like you forgot to get dressed. Yeah, I know there's a certain bohemian charm to wandering about the place in a pair of flats, some tights and a loose top. There are probably some beads and oversized sunglasses involved in the mix as well. But tights give a girl an incomplete look, mostly because tights haven't been worn as pants since ye olden days, which brings me to...

The Awesome

I deal with the tights as pants look simply by imagining that all the girls wandering around in tights are actually wandering minstrels from medieval times, looking for a court to play in. Wearing tights as pants isn't a new trend, it's a very, very old trend. And of course, like all women's fashion seems to nowadays, its a remake of male fashion from years gone by.

Once upon a time it would have been perfectly suitable for a squire to busy himself about a knight's horse wearing only tights and a tunic. Beads and sunglasses would not have made an appearance, but tossing a few cheap and gaudy accents at an outfit does not change its essential nature.

The Summary

One should, of course, wear whatever the hell one wants. If you want to wear tights as pants, go ahead. It will no doubt be considered fashionable for a few more months at least, as long as Lindsay Lohan can make a buck from flogging her 'designer' products on the open market. One should never let the fact that fashion makes one look destitute or developmentally challenged get in the way of wearing it. Following trends is far more important than being comfortable, warm, or fully dressed.

I'm hoping that Lady Gaga's unitard fashion comes in next, it would be so delightful to see the little trendsters loping about the place occasionally digging out an unfortunate wedgie.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      For what it's worth, if you go back more than a century or two, what they called "tights" were a lot more like modern stretch pants than like modern tights. Medieval (and rennaissance) tights were woven (not knitted) fabric, usually wool, cut on the diagonal to give it some stretch, and had neither feet nor crotch (that's what the codpiece was for!)

      So it's really our stretch pants that should remind you of a wandering medieval minstrel, not our modern nylon tights.

    • profile image


      8 years ago from Central Coast NSW Australia

      If you have a bum no bigger than a 16, Tights usually look great on.

      Mens bums are not usually as wide but with a bulge in front that seems to make people uncomfortable, men are usually discouraged from wearing them. I love then myself and will be wearing them again this coming winter along with pantyhose.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)