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Why I Don't Wear Girly Things

Updated on December 23, 2009

One of my readers recently wrote an awesome article about what he called 'deny-vestites', (if you want to read it, you can do so here) women who don't wear feminine clothing, who instead prefer simple clothing of a more androgynous kind and who don't bother too much about make up. He was surprised when I replied back and said that I thought his article was brilliant and that I myself could probably identify as a 'deny-vestite.' His response was one of surprise. How could I write about women's clothing and lingerie so much if I didn't wear a great deal of uber feminine things?

Well, therein lies the rub, the double standard, and indeed, a lot of the problems that men create when they approach women.

I love lingerie, but even if I didn't, I could still probably muster up the braincells to write about it in a positive light. Empathy is a wonderful thing. I'm not a man who wears women's clothing either, but most people have no problem with me writing on that subject. Why then, should I have to be obsessed with girly things myself to write about them?

I don't wear a lot of girly things because A) they're a total pain in the ass (seriously, it could take hours to get ready if you bothered with all that sort of thing,) and because B) I think its akin to a lie.

You often see men complaining about how women look nothing like they did when they were dating. Guy meets hot girl, takes her home, then realizes that after she's wiped off the caked on make up, removed her push up bra, taken off her heels and slipped out of her control top underwear she's actually just another average Jane. He then whines that he's been 'lied' to. Well, in a way he has, but it is a lie he actively pursued.

I wear jeans, t-shirts and that sort of thing a lot. I rarely wear make up. That doesn't mean I don't know how to put on make up or how to find my way into a dress, it just means that I don't chose to devote thousands of hours of my life trying desperately to make people think I am attractive. I'd rather be comfortable in flats than teetering around in heels.

My honest (though probably somewhat bitchy) opinion when I see women who have thrown on every feminine accoutrement they can find is that they're trying too hard. I don't have to slather my face in oils and paints to be an attractive woman. I don't have to flaunt my legs and my cleavage to be good looking, and I don't think any woman does.

If you're the type of man who likes 'feminine' women, be aware that it will always be a lie. If she has to spend an hour getting ready, what you see is not what you get. If you can live with that, more power to you. They say that men who wear make up and women's clothing are trying to be something that they're not, well I think that women who wear make up and 'womens clothing' are doing exactly the same thing.


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    • profile image

      sissychuck44 8 years ago


      I love your site and appreciate all your advice. I wished i had stumbled onto this sort of advice years ago. I only wear panties and sometimes wear bras. I think they are extremely fun to wear. if I could dress feminine all the time, i'd do it without batting an eye.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      I think the difference is, AMM, being female, you're more expected to wear make up and high heels than you are expected to wear frily frocks and hair bows, but I do see what you're saying. Technically, the latter is more 'girly' :) I used the word entirely incorrectly, I do hope I will be forgiven :D

    • profile image

      AMM 8 years ago

      I don't know if it's a difference between men's and women's perspectives, or if I'm just from a different universe, but it sounds like your idea of "girly" is a bit different from mine. When I think of someone dressing "girly", I think of lace and ruffles and bows, frilly frocks in non-conservative colors, not girdles or push-up bras or make-up.

      I recognize that women generally feel a lot of pressure to make themselves look like this or that impossible ideal of "femininity," and I'm not sure to what extent I as a man can speak to that, other than to say that you don't need to do that stuff for _me_ (but I honestly don't think it _is_ about what guys like me think, anyway.) I notice that a lot of crossdressers try to meet the same standards, and my reaction is a lot like yours: why on earth would I want to _do_ that stuff anyway? Why not just hammer nails into my head and be done with it?

      But I like to wear skirts in my free time (I'm still working on dresses), and I find that putting on outfits with skirts isn't really any more bother than putting on my usual corporate work uniform, and a lot more fun. I would imagine that, if you can forget about trying to look like a _Vogue_ model, pulling on a "girly" dress and socks (and skipping the girdle and makeup and falsies and stuff) could be a lot of fun without all that much bother. (Well, aside from the bother of guys like me drooling over you :-) .)

    • profile image

      John 8 years ago

      Dress codes and required work atire aside wear what you like.I've never had a problem telling a nice person from a jerk no matter what they wear.I have felt very flattered though by having someone dress to please only me weather in the bedroom or on a dinner date.Besides if your comfy to yourself then your comfy to be around.and really, who "likes" having their body pushed,squeezed and wired to some abnormal shape?

    • profile image

      snowdrift 8 years ago

      Well said, Hope, my sentiments exactly. I'm fine with others dolling themselve up (male, female or anywhere in between), if that is their chosen "hobby," but I keep my social theater down to easy and, generally, comfortable attire (no make-up or scent).

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      I can assure you that I do not own or wear anything beige :) And I do love lingerie, I'm just not a massive fan of the rest of the carry on :D

    • profile image

      GoneNylon 8 years ago

      I assume that despite the revelations, you still despise beige. Leave us at least that much, Hope. ;-)

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Dear god. That is all.

    • Georgiakevin profile image

      Georgiakevin 8 years ago from Central Georgia

      I think your honesty is far more attractive than a woman who dresses and puts on make up as you talk about! Great hub!

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Yes, but why does it take putting on make up and 'something wonderful' to feel pretty and desirable? Some people manage to feel pretty and desirable without make up and clothes, you know.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 8 years ago

      Honestly, sometimes it just feels great to put on make-up and something wonderful. Feeling pretty and desirable is a good thing.


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