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Wife Won't Let You Wear Women's Clothes?

Updated on February 18, 2010

So, as you know, I spend a great deal of time telling my readers how wonderful it is for men to wear women's clothing, and how much they should indulge their fashion sense to its fullest limits. I do realize, however, that many men who like to wear women's clothing are very much restrained by other influences in their lives. These influences usually come in the form of women that the men in question want to remain married to or living with.

Although, in an ideal world, men would wear whatever they wanted and women would be okay with it. (That might sound far fetched to you, but most women can wear whatever they want without the men in their lives being able to hold a negative opinion about it. In fact, the only women strictly bound by dress codes in the way almost all Western men are, are women who are subject to fundamentalist religion. Think on that men. The inequality may seem frivolous and unimportant, but it runs deeper than you may imagine.)

Unfortunately we now live in a world in which men are often quite simply told what to do and what to wear by their female partners. If they do not comply, the female threatens to leave, and whether through a sense of love, or loyalty, or a desire to keep his children living under his roof, the man complies and promises either not to wear women's clothing, or to do so only in secret.

Again. Imagine if Western women were told they could only wear what they wanted in private. There would be a revolution. There was a revolution. But men have not staged their revolution as yet, and so remain beholden to outdated norms.

I cannot, however, in good conscience, blame men too harshly for this. A woman has a great deal of power in a relationship, especially if she's managed to marry a man and bear his kids before coming over all shrew like and controlling. Is wearing lingerie and a skirt worth losing half your assets and custody of your children over? No. No it's not. But I hope that this article is read by at least one woman who refuses to let her husband or partner be who he truly is, because I have this to say to them:

You are missing out on the most intimate parts of the man in your life. You are pushing him away and forcing him to be what he is not. Your relationship will never be as deep or as connected as it could be because you are more interested in keeping up appearances than loving the realities of the man you're with.

It's a tragedy, because you're trading the shallow for the meaningful, the frivolous for the deeply important. If you're currently living with that niggling voice in your head, the one that tells you life was supposed to be more than this, better than this, it may be because you've sold your soul, the part of yourself that wants to love and be loved for who you are, not what you wear.

On your deathbed, you will not care about the fact that the neighbors always thought you were a nice couple, but you may find yourself caring about the fact you never really truly knew the man you loved.


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      JohnH 7 years ago

      I do blame the man of the house of not exercising his authority in his choices of what he wears. If a wife is going to leave her man because he makes choices that she does not like, I would say the relationship was weak to begin with.

      I wear denim skirts almost all the time, and my wife wears only pants and flat shoes. Sometimes I wear heels, and even at times I wear a dress.

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      Betty 7 years ago

      I am one of the fortune ones that has a wife that not only accepts my dressing in female attire, she supports and encourages it. She shares all aspects of my life. We only keep the secret hidden from our children. I have been fortunate enough to have her talk me into going outside many times in public while dressed. The feeling of being free in the sun and wind can not be described, it has to be experienced.

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      Go Caps 7 years ago

      As I sit here reading this, alone, I wish that I would have understanding and acceptance. At first I was able to share my desires with her, but once I told her it was a part of me and who I am, she rejected the notion and it has a become a subject we never talk about. I think she knows but will never ask, and I should never tell, so I wont.

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      Hope Alexander 7 years ago

      Hm, to be honest Sherman, it's not really possible to change people's minds if they don't want to be changed. And, without insulting religious people, believing religion involves making large leaps of faith with no rational basis and indeed, ignoring reality and contradictory statements. Essentially, a person who has bought into religion has already undermined their thinking process to a point where logic no longer works.

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      Sherman 7 years ago

      Hope, your are good. Love your astute observations in the last three paragraphs. But would she get it? I have tried to be open but can't get her to loosen up. Her mind is set. It IS a fundamentalist attitude with strict religious tones. Frustrating. I suspect most--perhaps all--of us prefer to be very open regarding our preference with our significant parters. I, for one, protect myself by not opening the envelope in order to guard my self esteem. Ironic? Yes, because I feel she accepting of this situation in another's home. Yet I don't trust she can admit the disconnect.

      I believe it is time for a revolution. A male liberation, if you will. A sort of "I'm fed up with this and don't want to take it any more." (Remember that line from the movie: Network ?)

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      joanjo 7 years ago from Herts. U.K.

      Bless you Hope, I almost believe you can read some of us like a book. This is a very emotive and powerful article and I would dearly like to discuss further especially the aftermath of ones actions and it's impact on family life.

      Your articles Hope are a life line, just knowing that there are others in similar confused state.

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      TerriCT 7 years ago

      Very powerful message Hope.