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10 Ways to Get Your Friends to Unfriend You on Facebook

Updated on December 15, 2011

What's the ultimate insult on Facebook? Simple, it's looking at your profile one day and seeing 100 friends and then looking at it the next day and seeing 99 friends and realizing the horror: you've been unfriended. Suddenly, somebody who used to declare you a friend has now declared you an unfriend. It's a terrible feeling. You sit and ask yourself: "How did we get here?" "How did I become an unfriend?" "What is an unfriend?" "If I thought of this person as a friend and now they think of me as an unfriend, are they now my unfriend too?" "What are one's obligations as an unfriend?" "Are there any?" Fear not, my friends! Avoid the things I've outlined below and you can avoid ever becoming an unfriend on Facebook.

1. Too many pet pictures. If you've ever done online dating, this problem is endemic to that field too. Any woman who posts a profile picture of herself with her pet is somebody to stay away from. That's creepy. And sad. Look, it's okay once-in-awhile, but if your entire photographic history of yourself includes a picture of your dog or cat, something has gone terribly wrong in your life. I love my cat. I just don't want to have people thinking my life IS my cat. It may very well be, but I don't want people to know it.

2. One word: Farmville.

3. TMI. You post a photo of yourself on the toilet or a photo that looks like you are on the toilet. That's too much facebooking right there. This is really just an example of TMI Facebooking. There are other photo types. The toilet photo is symbolic. Kind of.

4. You post details of your latest visit to the doctor. See, most doctors' visits end with the doctor putting his finger up your anus (or some such analagous thing that puts a picture in your reader's mind), so effectively if you write about your doctor's visit, whatever you post, no matter how benign, ends like this in the minds of your readers: "So, he told me that everything was fine and that I was as healthy as a horse and it was really the most pleasant experience in the world (and then the doc stuck his finger up my anus)." Something like that is going through somebody's mind as they read your doctor story, so just don't post them. We're all naked, vulnerable, and alone in the doctor's office. Remember that, unless that's the kind of thing you want to convey about yourself to others.

5. Overuse of the exclamation mark. The latest Lady Gaga album is awesome! My pants are on fire! I just went on the most exhilirating bike ride! Coffee is great! This article on knitting gave me an erection! You know who you are.

6. Too many posts about mundane parts of your life. Look, you don't have to write like J.K. Rowling, but let's face it, if the first hundred pages of Harry Potter were all about the sores on his arms, and what he ate for breakfast, and how the water in his shower didn't get hot fast enough, and how his trashcan smells like sewage, and how he jammed his groin into a doorknob, we'd all be rooting for Voldemort.

7. You bite on and post more than one phishing link. I don't care how long I've known you, if you waste more than five minutes of my time tricking me into clicking on your "THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER" link, I will hide you right out of existence.

8. Ask for money. There are lots of different ways to ask for money. You can just ask for it or you can post various links to various causes and make everyone feel guilty because they didn't give money to the homeless or cancer research or pet overpopulation. And maybe I'm just a cheap bastard, but I didn't join Facebook so I could feel like a guilty cheapskate all the time. Facebook is about me, remember? And keep in mind that if I get one money request from you, I'm probably getting one from everybody else. That adds up in both money and guilt. You made me feel guilty. You're not my friend.

9. Excessive positivity or negativity. Reading about how "OMG isn't life the greatest!" every two seconds isn't any better than reading "My life sucks" every two seconds. If the emotional rollercoaster of your life is a flat track, your missives probably aren't going to get past your own brain. That said, if your emotional flat track is filled with humor, you're probably okay. And if you're posting about how your cat died twenty times a day, you've hit #1 and #9 at the same time. Good job.

10. You can't spell. Maybe this doesn't apply for everyone, but generally the company you keep is a reflection of your intelligence, so if you're posting stuff like "Look whats comeing to the theatir. Its a new movee by the Coen brothers. I think its there forth one." you're making whoever is reading that feel like a moron for having you as a friend. Most of us can feel like morons all on our own without any help from you. Spelling and good grammar pay off with smart friends and appreciative smart friends. Like, thanks for posting stuff that doesn't embarrass me when me wife looks at it.

Why Would You Unfriend a Friend on Facebook?

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  • icmn91 profile image

    icmn91 4 years ago from Australia

    I've had an interesting time on Facebook recently, where I posted my HubPages profile very frequently documenting the terrible time I had while at University. I've certainly had quite an unfriending; that's for sure.

    An alternative to "unfriending" someone is simply to unsubscribe from their status updates (i.e. hide all posts by them). Then it's a win-win. What do you think of this idea? I hadn't seen it mentioned anywhere...

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Well, I half this frend, hoo wanted me to joyn facebook,so I did,,,and nobudee frended me but her!!!!! I dont no wy and im pruty pist abowt it so im jus gona unfrend myself!!!!! It duz suck!! im a reely nice purson & vary inteligunt so i dont need no dam facebook to find frends. its reedickulus!!!!!!!!!

  • ameliejan profile image

    ameliejan 5 years ago from Alicante, Spain

    Sometimes you wonder just what some people would not do for attention. Great hub!

  • Andrew0208 profile image

    Andrew0208 5 years ago from Zion

    Very true and funny, but one should also consider the traditional status of facebook slogan: "what's on your mind." What I see on the Home page doesn't give me much concern since the are general feeds of friends. Anyone is free to post any thing on his/her mind on facebook but don't just tag people frequently to it. ?

    I've only unfriend 3 fb friends for same act of abusing my privacy with frequent and unsolicited tagging even after I wrote and warned them via private messages.

  • profile image

    Pamela Sarzana 5 years ago

    ha ha, you are so right. NO ONE wants to see or hear about your visits to the DR. how desperate is THAT?

  • MFGwrite profile image

    MFGwrite 5 years ago from USA

    This is great! I have so many friends that constantly spell words incorrectly. I am on the verge of "unfriending" them. Your article speaks the truth with some examples that are sure to work. Fantastic Hub, thanks.

    -Mike

  • brianlokker profile image

    Brian Lokker 6 years ago from Bethesda, Maryland

    You're right, but my cat died WHILE I was at the doctor! OMG! That REALLY sucked! And nobody would've believed it if I hadn't posted the pix! The money was just to give her a decent burial.

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    That is just too funny... but so true!

  • profile image

    Jrandol62 6 years ago

    Amen to ALL of those points friend....

  • profile image

    derrick 6 years ago

    @Marty Coetser great comment. Never stop loving your friends for who they are regardless of the things the can or can't control.

  • profile image

    derrick 6 years ago

    you sound like a snob. So what if a person can't spell? You feel embarrassed to be their friend?

    Some of these I can understand but it was definitely not funny. Your brand of humor is really dull.

    Sorry but I'm just being real.

  • profile image

    delaro11 6 years ago

    I like it you have some good points

  • profile image

    Viceverz 6 years ago

    Hi,

    great hub. I strongly agree with the farmville point. Most of the time the farmville gifts makes us get irritate to the core.

    You can add these too.. Post the pictures of your friends which you took while they were boozing, tag them too.. Sending invitations of all sort of applications (do you like to know who viewed your profile? What type of personality you are? Click here to enable unlike button,etc) it will not only make them unfriend you, but to get themselves banned from facebook Too.. :)

  • Emmyboy profile image

    Emmyboy 6 years ago from Nigeria

    u r correct but then who cares? Aft'all facebook friendship is nothing but a virtual friendship!

  • MartieCoetser profile image

    Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

    Great training: 10 Ways to Get Your Friends to Unfriend You on Facebook. On the other hand, I know and love my existing friends and relatives and accept them just as they are. I bookmark this hub just to use it as a guideline for myself. Voted UP and awesome!

  • Sunshine625 profile image

    Linda Bilyeu 6 years ago from Orlando, FL

    LOL! Love this hub!!! Great points! Congrats on getting shared on Hubpages Facebook feed!!! I intend to share this with my FB friends! Voted UP and awesome!!!

  • Unchained Grace profile image

    Unchained Grace 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I'm on FaceBook quite often for business and personal reasons and unfortunately, I've seen all variants of the above. My personal favorites are the FaceBook Apostles. These are the ones who continually load up my page with their own version of Bible Prophecy. The other are the ones who give you a play by play of their daily ritual. Their escapades with their blow drier don't get it done for me.

    Nevertheless, I've blown off more than a few for all of the above on your list plus a few more who seem to think it is their inalienable right to post moronic statements and expect everyone to agree.

    Lastly, let's get this 'friend' thing straight and for real here. There is an excellent chance we will never meet these people we call 'friends' so why do we get all twisted when someone disagrees with something they say and jump to their defense as if they really care? Guess what guys? Standing up for your newfound female 'friend' ain't getting you laid, so what's the point? And, do you really believe the profile photo they use is them?

    I enjoyed this Hub, though the sad reality is it gets weirder by the minute up there.

  • Lady Wordsmith profile image

    Lady Wordsmith 6 years ago from Lancaster, UK

    You are a crank, aren't you? Excellent. I agree with you about all of these things, so I suppose I'm a crank too.

    Absolutely incredibly hilairyous and like, awesome and amazing hub!!! Its like, the best hub Ive eva red and Im goin to bukmark it rite now, ive neva red NEthing so funE in my hole lyfe!!!!

    Linda.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    This is an awesome hub and it is being promoted by Hubpages on... yes... their Facebook page. I have to admit, I am a little jealous I did not think of this one first. Great topic and great reasons to unfriend someone.

  • iZeko profile image

    iZeko 6 years ago

    You're totally right about these things. I also find annoying those people who like EVERYTHING, even if it's "My cat just died". What's to like about THAT?! I just hide them in the news feed.

  • J.S.Matthew profile image

    JS Matthew 6 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

    I gave up on FaceBook. I find myself no longer interested. I still have my account and check it once in a blue moon, but I find it interferes with my productivity; it became a distraction.

    I agree with the information you have written in this article. Many of those things that people post are just redundant. I have to agree with Just Ask Susan, the YouTube videos are getting out of hand!

    JSMatthew~

  • Just Ask Susan profile image

    Susan Zutautas 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Drives me crazy when people are posting song after song after song from youtube. That will make me hide them.

  • Ancillotti profile image

    Ancillotti 6 years ago from Brasil, Vitoria - ES

    Great Hub! Very funny! You're totally right about these things, especially as the picture of the bathroom ... not sure I want someone else to take this kind of picture near me.

  • crankalicious profile image
    Author

    crankalicious 6 years ago from Colorado

    Glad you enjoyed it. I wish I had more time to really think about it because there's so much more that will get me to hide somebody on Facebook. The great thing about Facebook is that you can follow what your friends are doing. The bad thing about Facebook is that you can follow what your friends are doing.

  • myi4u profile image

    myi4u 6 years ago from United Kingdom

    Number 8 is classic! I am sure you will left with no facebook friends when you keep pestering facebook friends for money.

    Anyway, silence is golden.

  • nycgrl profile image

    nycgrl 6 years ago from New York

    You are absolutely right on all your points. Its all so true! Love how your writing style, you have me cracking up over here. I wrote a hub on how Facebook can make you depressed: http://hubpages.com/t/2570fc that you might want to read. Yup Facebook can certainly be annoying!

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