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50 Funny Facebook Status Messages

Updated on April 29, 2011

Here are 50 Funny facebook status messages collected from the internet.  C'mon make your own status messages too!

  • decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
  • thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it always comes to an end.
  • If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
  • Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
  • wondering why every woman is wrong until she cries, and then, viola, she is right, instantly!
  • I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
  • You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
  • Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
  • One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
  • taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer......

  • Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!
  • says In about 50 years from now, tombstones will read 'Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend
  • If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!
  • A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin
  • I am used but in good condition
  • It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.
  • Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them.
  • Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that you're not really friends with them?
  • a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water..... Is that wrong?
  • a paper cut is a trees last revenge =)

  • Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
  • If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
  • Dismayed! I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for autocorrect to do the rest.
  • moving sucks! why didn't anyone invented copy and paste for real life?
  • Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.
  • says "Dear Mathematics, please grow up and solve your own problems."
  • Skinny jeans aren't for everybody...
  • says don't look at me in that tone of voice
  • Dear God, I've been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven't been mean at all, but I'm about to get up now and I may need your help :))))))
  • Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!
  • Honestly, when I crawled out of bed this morning I had no intention of being brilliant, but sometimes things just work out!


  • In an interview, "I can multitask housework with facebook!"
  • Addicted to facebook and terrified of being offline!
  • has successfully licked one of my elbows!
  • is now listed as single but in a relationship, it's complicated.
  • When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
  • What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing....
  • wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • if you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito

  • Why is bra singular and panties plural?
  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
  • Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos
  • is trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented
  • remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit..
  • I heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut! Isn't that amazing? Before you show your hurt feelings, just keep in mind THIS IS A JOKE, no one can create a camera that FAST
  • dear Santa, let me explain...
  • When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets
  • Just when you think you got the answer...someone changes the question.


Comments

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    • profile image

      Ebram 

      3 years ago

      Lol thank you for making my day

      funny one on fake people: http://foto4quote.com/quotes-about-fake-people-and...

    • profile image

      intalmeltex 

      5 years ago

      When i utilized to find high on lifetime yet as of late We have piled up the opposition.

    • profile image

      Smith 

      6 years ago

      These are awesome statuses, get more status ideas at http://www.squidoo.com/funny-facebook-sayings

    • profile image

      juliette 

      6 years ago

      Sh*t MEN THIS STATUS ARE SO FUNNY LOVE IT :)

    • profile image

      facebook comments 

      6 years ago

      I’m flattened by your contents keep up the excellent work.

      http://www.murodefrases.com

    • profile image

      sky 

      6 years ago

      just awesome

    • profile image

      neha 

      6 years ago

      really funny

    • profile image

      cutiepi 

      6 years ago

      I wish these were funnier! But i just use them 4 other things, not 4 FACEbook!

    • profile image

      RoseBud 

      6 years ago

      i really like these comments... i saved some for my messenger!:Ps

    • profile image

      Fradder Lickenstein 

      6 years ago

      awsom i luvd 'em but guys u shood at lest tri 2 b more funner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • buyrealmarketing profile image

      buyrealmarketing 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Very funny. Indeed these statuses will make an impression on friends and people who read their feed.

    • profile image

      lerato 

      6 years ago

      its great

    • profile image

      tasha 

      6 years ago

      i belive that thease stattuses will make people laugh out loud,Idont lol much but i do say it . also its funny because i laughed at the 8th one lmao now that's funny stuff lol

    • profile image

      tasha 

      6 years ago

      lmao

    • profile image

      steelerbeauty Marianna 

      6 years ago

      Love them most I have never heard before, had me and my brother inlaw crackin up

    • profile image

      harish gowthaman 

      6 years ago

      east or west rajini is always best

    • profile image

      mohammed abz 

      6 years ago

      add me on facebook

      http://www.facebook.com/pages/Swearing/94785499487.../profile.php?id=100001385956393

    • profile image

      Nyarie ash 

      6 years ago

      I lavd t! Tz so funny!mwahz...

    • profile image

      satish sharma 

      6 years ago

      Eight man r raping a woman ..the woman is laughing nonstop ..so after the men get bugged n ask her y she laughing ..she replies " mujhe AIDS hai "

    • profile image

      nisha 

      7 years ago

      this is outstanding ,

      i already use most of it on my facebook wall .

      you also can find more at

      http://www.squidoo.com/funny-one-liners-on-faceboo...

    • profile image

      Tammy 

      7 years ago

      status for Blackberry "isn't writing a message"

    • profile image

      peepa 

      7 years ago

      i stole them

      lol

      you can find more at here

      http://funnyonelinersonrajinikanth.blogspot.com

    • Kommoon profile image

      Kommoon 

      7 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

      love them all , great collection ^^

    • profile image

      10mostwanted 

      7 years ago

      The one about apples and blackberry appropriate for the RIM drama that's happening now

    • profile image

      pavan 

      7 years ago

      superrrrrrrrrrrrr

    • Jangaplanet profile image

      A James Di Rodi 

      7 years ago

      These are hilarious and I especially laughed at a particular one which goes: "remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit".

      I think I'm going to use that one!

      Awesome thanks :)

    • profile image

      Kassie 

      7 years ago

      These are awesome

    • profile image

      becky john 

      7 years ago

      i luv to status cos its realy hilarious

    • profile image

      Miss Skullz 

      7 years ago

      LMFAO 2 2 2 2 2 good, thanks 4 the smile and laughs, surely has made my day

    • profile image

      raju kagbeniboy 

      7 years ago

      haha,tx , have fun

    • profile image

      janine 

      7 years ago

      Thanks for the smile on my face.

    • profile image

      shrey 

      7 years ago

      all o des quotes r too old eh!! :/ blah#

    • profile image

      Ambika 

      7 years ago

      "Trust is like an Eraser, it gets Smaller after each Mistake" ~ ZQ

    • profile image

      Alyssa Kate  

      7 years ago

      haha!

      i love these Statussss!!!

      i?em

    • profile image

      Nancy 

      7 years ago

      great!!! Hilarious!!! I'll definitely be revisiting!!1

    • profile image

      mir abrar 

      7 years ago

      itz awEsOMe !!!! !!! !!!

      but it sometimes hurtz... ... ... :)

    • profile image

      Sanjay Kumar 

      7 years ago

      Awesome thank you so much

    • profile image

      John 

      7 years ago

      I think the best text is:

      When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

      Do you continue to post more stuff?

      Really nice work.

    • profile image

      Mark 

      7 years ago

      I got so excited at first until i read that it was just a joke, that there was no way they could invent a camera that fast,lmao

    • profile image

      Chezzaa babez! 

      7 years ago

      Some are good?

      i guess.

    • profile image

      H.R.SUROOR 

      7 years ago

      i am; but WHAT Am i???

      Hameed Ur Rehman SUROOR

    • lhepburn profile image

      lhepburn 

      7 years ago

      HA HA HE HE!!!

    • profile image

      Mustafa Shanzar Khan 

      7 years ago

      AwSm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      Mustafa Shanzar Khan 

      7 years ago

      AwSm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      crisi 

      7 years ago

      hi! dued

    • profile image

      hinjal patel 

      7 years ago

      lol definitely evryday use.. i m already using dem thankz

    • profile image

      Des 

      7 years ago

      This is one of the better facebook status sites....love it

    • profile image

      tim Hanks 

      8 years ago

      "Dear Mathematics, please grow up and solve your own problems."

      Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!

      These two are doing great :)

    • kluivert profile image

      kluivert 

      8 years ago from Johannesburg ,S.A

      this are realy realy hilarious---------and ive become a Fb star funny man with them

    • My Digest profile imageAUTHOR

      My Digest 

      8 years ago

      Enjoy facebook :)

      *Misty

    • profile image

      NaSh.. 

      8 years ago

      l0l w0t a laugh . . . w0t great satutus msgs. . .

    • profile image

      Adeleye George 

      8 years ago

      Awesome.

    • profile image

      Tyler James Lawler 

      8 years ago

      These are awesome!!!!!! FB fans add me!

    • profile image

      natasha 

      8 years ago

      i love these statuses..its so like my kinda statuses..!!!:D

    • profile image

      SuperLimbo 

      8 years ago

      has successfully licked one of my elbows!

      EPIC

    • My Digest profile imageAUTHOR

      My Digest 

      8 years ago

      Glad you guys are having a blast with these funny facebook statuses. Appreciate your visits! Now go and post something on facebook! LOL

    • OneMoreLevel profile image

      OneMoreLevel 

      8 years ago

      These were great!

      Try this one:

      "My email is so messy I'm adding "Directed by M Night Shyamalan" to the footer as an explanation."

    • Shawn Scarborough profile image

      Shawn Scarborough 

      8 years ago from The Lone Star State

      This is the funniest hub I've read so far. Great job!

    • Plapa profile image

      Plapa 

      8 years ago from Portugal

      You did a great job. They are very very very funny :D I'm going to rememeber thus hub for a long time!!!!

    • silverfoxygirl108 profile image

      silverfoxygirl108 

      8 years ago

      Greatest hub ever!!! haha :D I'll bet you had fun writing that one!

    • yellowstar2000 profile image

      Candice Collins 

      8 years ago from WestCoast Florida

      Voted up! and Funny! these are really great, some of them are side-splitting, I'm saving this one!

    • FashionFame profile image

      FashionFame 

      8 years ago from California

      Awesome! Funny ! Hilarious! Joining your fan club to stay connected and would like to invite you too.

    • G Miah profile image

      Gous Ahmed 

      8 years ago from Muslim Nation

      These are actually very funny!!! They'll be used on some of my statuses!

    • insanefacts profile image

      insanefacts 

      8 years ago from India

      very funnyy!!!!

    • My Digest profile imageAUTHOR

      My Digest 

      8 years ago

      keep laughing..it's good medicine! :) :D Appreciate your visits!

      *Misty

    • Faffe profile image

      Faffe 

      8 years ago from Bahrain

      LAMO 2 gud!!

    • profile image

      tihesha renton 

      8 years ago

      okaii?? xx

    • Banana01 profile image

      Banana01 

      8 years ago from United States

      Pretty funny. Kudos.

    • nettech profile image

      nettech 

      8 years ago from London (UK)

      Lol, definitely a page I'll be revisiting, thanks for that I shall be using a lot of them in the upcoming few days...

      Zaheer :-)

    • tgallagher profile image

      tgallagher 

      8 years ago from Fargo, ND

      Thank you for the laughter. This was a great break and just what I needed to put a smile on my face. :)

    • lxxy profile image

      lxxy 

      8 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

      Thanks for this, plenty of laughs.

      Poor kid...suddenly I have a craving for bacon.

    • My Digest profile imageAUTHOR

      My Digest 

      8 years ago

      Gosh, I can't follow you. No name. No link and no photo :( When you show up, I will!

      Dutch84: Go and have fun with it!

      *Misty

    • dutch84 profile image

      dutch84 

      8 years ago

      These are hilarious! I'm using them...

    • profile image

       

      8 years ago

      Please follow me i am following you

    • My Digest profile imageAUTHOR

      My Digest 

      8 years ago

      Missi and Sam: You love facebook too? LOL gotcha!

      *Misty

    • samboiam profile image

      samboiam 

      8 years ago from Texas

      This was great. I laughed all the way through.

    • Missi Darnell profile image

      Missi Darnell 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Very funny! They are all great and a few I have seen on facebook.

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