From install to insane: The five stages of installation without an uninstaller

Have you found a great looking piece of software, installed it and regretted it every day since? Badly made software without an effective uninstaller is liked inviting a crazed raccoon in to your home. It hangs around causing havoc when you least expect it, pops up when you wish it wouldn't and you when it's not around you can't shake the feeling that it's hiding someplace chewing on the wiring.

Without further stretching the metaphor, I present to you:

Hope.

It springs eternal. There's no supressing hope, even though it is so incredibly unlikely that the software you just bought called EasyFormat 5000 is actually going to format or be easy or even bare any connection to the number 5000.

But hope won't let that stop you!

Disappointment.

This is in direct proportion to the level of Hope you were feeling 10 minutes ago. Here's where reality comes crashing through your mental lounge room like that crazy raccoon we discussed earlier. Not only is the software bad, it's offensively bad and makes you feel like you just bought a used truck tire from a Ukrainian car salesman because he told you it would fit on your scooter.

Frustration.

It was bad enough to realize the software was coded by teenagers studying woodwork but now there's no uninstaller to remove it and all its 14,239 DLL files and nifty PRGn_$@8 Reg fix alterations to your RAM bus autostart flux-boing zap zap dongles. That's right, you have no idea what this software has left scattered through your hard drive. Like that crazy raccoon, leaving little raccoon droppings inside all your draws.

Aggravation.

Ok, so now you are the crazed one. This software just keeps on keeping on. It's there when you power up, it wants you to register, or to tell you it's missing something, like a .DLL file to do something you didn't ask it to do. You keep finding shortcuts to it on your desktop, like the calling card of some kind of invisible idiot. Here's where steam would come from your ears, if your head was an actual steam boiler and didn't just feel like it.

Desperation.

Last and final phase. If we're talking metaphorical raccoons you'd be seriously considering having your house condemned and rebuilt just to get rid of the furry terrorist. Giving thought to reinstalling Windows or just dragging your whole Programs folder to the recycle bin is the first sign of stage 5 installation with no uninstaller insanity.

Now that you've passed through the five stages of installation, and in all seriousness, you need a third party uninstaller like Revo. I can only look back and laugh because I now have a heat-seeking missile to eradicate runaway software infestations.

Time to clean house, crazy raccoon!

If you have comments, I'd love to hear from you.