How not to install an Indesit IWB 5113 washing machine in your home

Follow my instructions for the roughest wash you have ever had or read the article to the end and find that you have a lovely washing machine.

A foot note to this- we have now had the washing machine over two years, doing at least 15 loads of washing per week. The washing comes out clean and ready to be dried. I have been really pleased with the performance of what is a fairly cheap washing machine.

A SAD EVENT

Our washing machine died; right in the middle of my duvet cover and sheet wash. Never mind I was on top of the washing and we'd get one soon.

The Children don't help

My children tidied out their bedrooms ( or the pits as I know them). This is a code word for "lets take all the dirty washing hiding in our rooms and put it in the washing basket". Day two without a machine and the basket is full to overflowing. By day seven the little hill of washing has grown into a mountain which I can smell throughout the house, although the family tell me to stop exaggerating, Never mind, the washer is being delivered tomorrow.

Preparation is the key

Just before tea I say to my long suffering other half "Please disconnect the old washing machine as the new one is being delivered tomorrow and they are taking the old one away to dispose of it". Silly me! It's Tuesday and Tuesday night means Poker! All his thoughts are directed towards the cards and whilst I have a short power nap he is gone, without doing the machine. "Never mind", I think "he'll do it in the morning" Wrong again! If last night was Tuesday then today is Wednesday which means the fishing match. He is gone before I get up and when I came downstairs the machine is still solidly in place.

With the help of No 1 daughter I try to move the washing machine but we cant. The John Lewis van arrives with the washing machine "Mum there's a John Lewis van outside" shouts my youngest. I toy with asking him to shout a bit louder in case any of the neighbours have missed the van, but I turn and concentrate on the machine which has by now been delivered and is sitting in my kitchen. They cant take the old one away as it is still connected so they leave!

THE CAVALRY(?) ARRIVES

Late in the afternoon HE comes home to a frosty reception. "Ah, was I supposed to disconnect it,?" he says, "Thought they'd do that". Arrgh

I relent and give him a bar of chocolate as he removes the old machine and puts the new one in. I ask if he wants the instructions, but getting no reply, leave him to it. I've read the instructions which tell me to run the machine empty for a 90 degree wash, which I do. Having achieved this I find the girls work clothes for Pizza Hut and put them in covered with all sorts of toppings - I don't know how they do it.

I am just settling down with a nice glass of Baccardi Breezer from the fridge, cold, just as I like it. There is a banging noise from the kitchen and we race out. The washing machine is bouncing across the kitchen and it takes two of us to hold it down. "I don't think this is OK " I say. "There is something really wrong " he says. I am at screaming point- the girls uniforms are in there, they have to come out, they have work tomorrow. My frantic screaming brings No1 daughter and No1 son in to look. We find the pause button and it stops cavorting across the floor.

The next morning dawns bright and sunny, just right for drying washing. "Ring John Lewis" he says. The nice lady at John Lewis agrees with me that it doesn't sound good and asks if we checked it was level. We get my husbands level (he is a carpenter) it is level. She suggests I contact Indesit in case we have installed it wrong, but she offers a replacement immediately. Oh I do like this level of customer service!

IT DAWNS UPON HIM

The lady, (why do they always have nice ladies at these call centres?) suggests that I check that all the retaining bolts have been removed.

He says "What retaining bolts"

I say "The ones in the instructions"

He says "What instructions?"

Why do I feel that this will be a long job. I start cooking his favourite bacon and mushroom sandwich.

A funny growling sound radiates from the back of the machine; he has found the restraining bolts.The instructions say that they can be removed using a household spanner. He brings a selection of spanners in from his toolbox. Unfortunately none of our household spanners seem to fit. Further banging and grunting continues from the direction of the machine. I give him the sandwich whilst he answers the phone citing a "domestic" for his late arrival. I think "if this does not work there really will be a domestic"

SUCCESS

Before I know it, "success". I put a small load in the machine and it works, it does not jump around, nor move backwards or forwards. It goes through the whole program and is pronounced as being in working condition. Relieved, I look forward to a seemingly endless day of washing and ironing.

The moral of this story is "Read the Instructions First" that's why they put them in the packet in the first place!