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Jesus Loves The iPad

Updated on June 28, 2010
The cover of The Economist, February 2010
The cover of The Economist, February 2010

A problem facing many spiritual people in the modern world is that spiritual values often advocate the giving up of wealth and the living of a simple life, but there are just so many excellent products out there that not owning them seems sinful. Take the iPad for instance. How could any human being worth their salt resist such a device?

Christians in particular often have problems mixing materialism and spirituality, because they are often so blessed with the Lord's riches. They needn't worry. Sure, they could sell their houses and move to Africa to minister to the poor there, but the Catholic church is already doing such an excellent job. In fact, I heard that there are practically no starving children left. All those commercials are just one kid dressed up in different outfits and wigs.

But what if I'm outlandishly wrong in that assertion? What if there are more starving, disease ridden people than ever before? How is a person supposed to explain to St Peter that they knew there were kids without enough food to eat, but a 19'' flat screen tv just wouldn't cut it? (Hint: Be buried with an iPad, St Peter might frown on selfish greed, but even he will be amazed at the way you can turn the device around and the content automatically spins so you're looking it at it the right way up. That sort of thing makes turning water into wine look like an amateur party trick. )

Earthly founder of the Christian religion, Jesus of Nazareth, a carpenter turned Savior, was notably against being overly attached to material things. He made as much clear when he famously said 'Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, render unto God what is God's.' But I often find myself wondering if Jesus would have been so against material things if he'd had a chance to ride in a nice SUV, one that X-hibit had already kitted out with multiple flat screen televisions and loud speakers, you know, for spreading the Lord's word in style.

Perhaps humanity has simply evolved beyond the early tenets of religion, the ones that tell us to be simple in our desires. After all, Jesus only turned water into wine, but British Petroleum managed to turn the entire Gulf of Mexico into an oil slick. Can you imagine how proud God must be ? Look at the way we took that little bit of inspiration and turned it into a global event. He's probably so proud, in fact, that he's bringing hundreds of thousands of fish and sea birds and rare endangered turtles up to Heaven to give them a good talking to about trying harder in future.

Moral of the story: Buy an ipad.


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