ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Colorful Southerners: A True Story You Won't Believe!

Updated on January 29, 2013

The love game that went terribly wrong

Living in the South, I've run across some stories that were just too strange not to be true. Several years ago, a local lawyer named Booger Beanblossom (yes, that’s his real first name - I changed the last to protect the not-so-innocent) and his wife got a divorce. The wife got to keep the family home, so Booger bought a small house in downtown Albany, GA, near his law office. He figured he could just walk the two blocks to work every morning, and besides, it was a nice, quiet neighborhood.

Apparently, it didn’t take Booger long to “get over” the divorce – he soon began dating. I think he must have gone through all the single women and half of the married women in town, in record time.

On the first warm day of spring, after a long gloomy winter, the citizenry was ready to get outside and enjoy the sunshine. They were tired of being cooped in their suburban homes for so long. It was a Sunday afternoon, and several of Booger’s new neighbors were in their back yards, barbecuing, picnicking, and generally enjoying the peace and quiet. This was not ot last, however.The serenity was suddenly shattered by a shrill cry for help.

The neighbors who heard the scream congregated on the street. The first scream was followed by several more, each louder than the previous one.

The neighbors began trying to pinpoint the source of the screams, and finally, they discovered that they were coming from Booger’s abode. They knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, and finally pounded on the door, all to no avail. No one came to the door. When the screams became more frantic, one of the men tried to open the door, but it was locked. They checked for an open window, but all were locked tight. All the drapes were closed, so there was no looking through a pane to see what was happening, either. They decided that a call to the local police was in order.

Within a few minutes, the cops arrived. They forced the door open and went inside to investigate. What they found shocked them.

A naked woman was tied spread-eagle to the bed, in true bondage fashion. A ceiling fan was slowly turning above her. Booger was lying unconscious on the floor, with a deep gash in his forehead. Now here’s the funny part – he was wearing a Superman outfit, complete with red cape! Superman bondage??

Apparently, Booger and his “friend” were doing a little sexual role playing on this lazy Sunday afternoon and dabbling in a little bondage. He made a running leap for the bed and hit his head on one of the ceiling fan’s blades. It knocked him out and onto the floor. “Lois Lane” was obviously helpless, and she couldn’t see Booger from her vantage point. She had no idea if he was dead or alive.

Think about her dilemma for a moment: Did she yell for help and allow total strangers to see her naked and let them know about the sex game? Would she ruin her lover’s reputation in the legal community if they found out about his Superman bondage? Would it be better to lie there and starve to death, in the event that her playmate was dead? Should she wait a few hours to see if Booger would revive to free her from her bondage?

I’m not sure what I would have done in this situation. But I can tell you that we removed our bedroom ceiling fan…just in case we want to participate in some sex games!

 

Superman is living in the South?!
Superman is living in the South?!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Claire, so glad you enjoyed it!

    • dashingclaire profile image

      dashingclaire 

      8 years ago from United States

      LMAO

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Glad you enjoyed, Sam!

    • samboiam profile image

      samboiam 

      8 years ago from Texas

      Thanks for the laughs.

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Glad you liked it, TIm-tim. Thanks!

    • tim-tim profile image

      Priscilla Chan 

      8 years ago from Normal, Illinois

      That is too funny, habee!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Ladolcevita, we are, too! Thanks for visiting!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Hi, Thoughtful. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Sheila, thanks for the kind words!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Makemoney, glad you read and commented!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks for stopping by, Art!

    • profile image

      ladolcevita 

      8 years ago

      I'm removing my fan! ;)

      poor booger...but what a way to go.

    • ThoughtfulSpot profile image

      ThoughtfulSpot 

      8 years ago from PA

      Oh I needed that this morning! That poor woman, and Booger too honestly... A grown man found unconscious in a Superman outfit after having an accident that a respectfully clad fellow would have been embarassed of! Quite a pickle.

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Yuwanda, sorry about your uncle. Glad you got a chuck from my story!

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 

      8 years ago

      You're a good storyteller. I'm going to read all of them.

    • Make  Money profile image

      Make Money 

      8 years ago from Ontario

      It's a bird, it's a plane, it's superman, no it's Booger Beanblossom. Faster than a speeding bullet. :-)

    • Art 4 Life profile image

      Art 4 Life 

      8 years ago from in the middle of nowhere....

      I loved it...I laughed and laughed...nothing better than a funny story, you made my day! You are good!

    • profile image

      Yuwanda Black 

      8 years ago

      As a fellow southener, just had to let you know that this is friggin hilarious. My favorite unclie died a few days ago and I just found out that his funeral will be on my birthday. I needed a belly laugh. Thank you for providing it.

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Awww, thanks, Ateenyi! I enjoyed your hub about Kenya, too, but there was nowhere to leave a comment. ??

    • ateenyi profile image

      ateenyi 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      Hilarious Hub!!!

      The clarity and balance shines from this hub. The hub is enormously enjoyable and terrifically joyous at its total peak. Thanks a lot for sharing such a pleasurable peace of text.

      Keep on Hubbing

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Mel. We're an interesting bunch!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Gramarye, I'm glad it gave you a giggle!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Faybe! I guess I just know a lot of crazy folks!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Truly crazy, huh, Duchess? I don't know that Booger is his legal name, but that's how he's addressed. It's even on his law sign!

    • mel22 profile image

      mel22 

      8 years ago from ,

      Apparently superheroes are not as invincible as what they used to be ! I had a good laugh ! You Southerners sure know how to make people smile !

    • gramarye profile image

      gramarye 

      8 years ago from Adelaide - Australia

      Hehe - what a dilemma!

    • Faybe Bay profile image

      Faye Constantino 

      8 years ago from Florida

      This is what I love about you. Your stories make me hold my breath to the end!

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 

      8 years ago

      Booger? Seriously? that's what I call my brother when he annoys me! What was his mother thinking?

      This was hilarous. What a wonderful way to start my day

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Ah, good idea, LP! I'll pass the suggestion on to Booger!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Lela, I guess the Wicker Man didn't have time to visit this lady!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Funny, Chen. Who knew a ceiling fan could defeat Superman??

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Yen, I'm so glad it brought a smile to you!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Petra, it was told to me as true by a close friend who knows Booger!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Audrey! Make Bob read this hub the next time he's feeling frisky!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Too funny, Rose Mary! Those evil ceiling fans!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      I felt sorry for the poor woman! Imagine the embarrassment! Not only was she naked, eveyone found out that she was into bondage and sex games!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Hi, Veronica! Yep, you'd better take that sucker down!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Yes, Sandy - it appears so! lol

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Glad you got a chuck, HH!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Bpop, better take that fan down or move to the floor if you're planning any super-hero scenarios!

    • lovelypaper profile image

      Renee S 

      8 years ago from Virginia

      Habee, that was too funny. Superman, really? Why not Spiderman since he can climb walls?

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      1992 - Gerald's game by Stephen King. She was tied up and her husband actually died. Grisly scenes ensue.

      Enjoy!

    • shai77 profile image

      Chen 

      8 years ago

      It is not a bird it's not a plane ..iiit's a ceiling fan.

    • yenajeon profile image

      yenajeon 

      8 years ago from California

      awesome story Habee, couldn't stop laughing! =)

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 

      8 years ago from Los Angeles

      Fanny story, habee and if is true, even more so. Really enjoy it

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 

      8 years ago from Washington

      OMG - great story! And I too had better remove my ceiling fan just in case Bob decides he wants to don a cape....I'm still laughing. That is absolutely hilarious! Personally, I would have laid there until I was skin and bones rather than call for help and have people discover me chained to a bed and my lover in a cape! At least he wasn't in a DRESS - she could be thankful for that. I hate to say it but sounds like Booger got what he deserved - a clank on the head! Too much.....thanks for the laugh out loud.

    • rmcrayne profile image

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      What the heck kind of Superman?!? Faster than a speeding bullet, yet foiled by a ceiling fan!

    • profile image

      Tammy Lochmann 

      8 years ago

      Ha ha...some people are just too crazy...and stupid. Thanks for the laugh!

    • Veronica Allen profile image

      Veronica Allen 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      This was HIGHlarious! Nowhere but the south could something like this happen. Hmmmmm....come to think of it, it may be in my husband and mines best interest to get rid of our ceiling fan as well. ;)

    • Sandyspider profile image

      Sandy Mertens 

      8 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

      Wow...role playing can be very dangerous.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      Thank you for a good laugh.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      8 years ago

      Dear habee,

      Now I'm nervous. I have a ceiling fan right above the bed!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Oh, yeah, Randy. Now I remember: they call you "nose miner"!

    • Randy Godwin profile image

      Randy Godwin 

      8 years ago from Southern Georgia

      And no...they don't call me "Booger." I remember this episode though, Holle.

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, NAncy. It's even funnier because it's true!

    • nancy_30 profile image

      nancy_30 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      That was so funny.

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Glad it gave you a chuck, Tobey!

    • habee profile imageAUTHOR

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Laurel, folks are still making jokes about the Superman outfit!

    • tobey100 profile image

      tobey100 

      8 years ago from Whites Creek, Tennessee

      LOL

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      8 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      habee-this is exactly what I miss about the South! Colorful characters abound, and life is all the richer. I hope Booger and his gal are still having fun, even though he may have to retire the Superman outfit!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)