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Getting Over London

Updated on September 19, 2013

Not many of you may know this, but I have been slumming it in London for the past two years. Okay so not exactly slumming it, but have been living here on this thing called a youth mobility work visa. Sadly it has come to an end, so in about five days I'am to be deported back home, to the land of isolation Sydney Australia. In this time I have fallen in love, yes with London. So to make the break up with London easier on myself, I have made a list of cons about it (You all know that list that you sit down and do when you want to get over someone)


1) The herd of cattle on the underground while holding my breath and visualising death for those who don't believe in showers


2) The dark short and freezing days - The sun is a cold hearted b***h and seems to have some sort of on going grudge on this land


3) Drunks all around me - Feeling out of place that I'm the only one not holding an alcoholic beverage while out in a bar

4) Drunks falling over me - seriously although it's a drinking culture can somebody teach these people how to handle their alcohol?


5) Chelsea - Okay so this is the place of perfect houses, perfect looking people, perfect streets and perfect posh accents


6) Essex chicks - a guy friend once described them like this "Nothing worse then waking up in bed next to a bird who has covered your pillows with fake tan, her false lashes have fallen out, as well as her hair extensions"


7) People asking about your postcode just to know about your social status. E5 = poor loser or some arty farty hipster ... SW3 = Rich banker, good breeding


8) Bankers all around me - Every dude I meet is some type of Banker. Like how many bankers does one place really need? What happened to teachers or social workers?


9) Being under paid in a job by at least 30k a year (comparison to Sydney) since the United Kingdom has such lousy wages

10) Long working hours, work over load, unrealistic targets. People here don't believe in lunch hour and every second person you meet here has been either fired or made redundant from some job. This is quite rare in Sydney


11) People looking like Casper, including myself. As well as stressed and tired from over working and over drinking


12) The food and coffee is lousy. Yes trust me, Australia is way superior when it comes to good food and great coffee


13) Black shit coming out of my nose every time I blow it

14) Lack of fresh air - Well if I want to live longer I have to take this into consideration


15) There is always some sort of delay, track work or train closure to spoil your weekend or make you late for work

16) Getting robbed by the London underground £1680 Pounds a year ($2660 USD) a year for a train ticket they call an (Oyster card)


17) Lack of beaches - I'm obsessed with the ocean and gave it up for London

Okay so this is my list. Despite all of this why am I still in love with London ?

I didn't expect my list to be this long... but it's a good sign, all the negatives must mean that being in a relationship with London is bad for me right? If anyone else would like to add some cons to make my break up with London easier please don't hesitate.


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