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How To Be a Horrible Tourist

Updated on August 8, 2017

What to do if you want locals to despise you

Summertime is in full swing, and with only a month left before school starts, families are more eager than ever to go on vacation and catch the last lovely rays of summer. As a local in an Oregon Coastal town, constantly filled with tourists, I, like many other locals, tend to get frustrated by the disregard many tourists show us and our towns. Certainly as a tourist, traveling to either somewhere you've gone a million times, or somewhere you're traveling to for the first time, you may not realize some of the Tourism Taboos that you are committing... mainly because local shops need you to shop there whether you are respectful or not. So, if you want all the locals to hate you, here are a few things you should do as a tourist.

# 1 - Street/ Traffic centered Tips:

a) Please walk as slow as possible across the street even though your light is red and my light is green.

b) Definitely stop in the middle of the road to decide which shop you want to go to next, or consult a map and point randomly at mundane things that in normal life you would consider obscenely boring.

c) Drive 10-20 mph under the speed limit until a passing lane comes, and then you should totally speed up to 20 mph over the speed limit! Who cares if the locals need to get to work on time? It's not like bosses on the coast ding you for being late to work. Oh, and those honks you are hearing? Definitely adoring fans thinking you should be the next great drag racer!

# 2 - Store tips:

a) Stand outside storefronts that clearly have hours posted before they open, and periodically knock and ask why they have yet to open. They'll love it.

b) Come into a store 5-10 minutes before a store closes and decide to walk around leisurely as if you have all the time in the world. Don't worry, the employees are so happy to put their lives, families, and dinners on hold so you can stay 20-30 minutes past closing. Oh! And if you have friends, or other random tourists that you know, tell them to also come in after the store technically already closed. The more the merrier, right?

c) Didn't know the store has bags for you to carry your clothes and other items while browsing? That's ok, please just unload your crap on the displays so other guests can't look at those things. Also, you should totally pick up clothes from one pile and throw it lackadaisically on other piles. It's not that important anyways. I mean, how long did it really take that store clerk to refold the 15 piles of clothes there anyways? (30 minutes. 30)

# 3 - Restaurants:

a) Make sure you're really loud and obnoxious when waiting in the long lines at the "Famous" whatever-it-is restaurant, and complain that the line is taking forever. It'll move it right along.

b) Go to a speciality restaurant (Seafood, Chinese) and ask for the most basic of things (hamburger & fries, chicken strips) and then complain that those things are not that great. I mean really? Why doesn't that speciality restaurant have a cook that can prepare those other dishes to be gourmet and the best thing you've ever tasted in your life? Seriously, who do they think they are recommending that you go to the Amazing Burger across the street instead. God! The nerve.

c) Treat your waiters and staff like they are the lowest people in the world. They're just servers right? They don't have feelings... and they most certainly are not spitting in your burger. Nope. Not at all.

I hope you caught on, but there was a general theme going on here: be respectful, be compassionate, and be understanding. If people treated you the way your are treating locals in their own towns, how would you feel? If your answer is anything other than, "Amazing" or "great," then maybe you need to really assess what you're doing. If you are guilty of anything on the above list, please consider altering your perspective and your attitude. Don't think of your vacation as a place to suddenly be a jerk, and treat everyone like they owe you something. Choose to be the best person you can be at all times!

Did you like this article? Do you have any tips to add to my list? Leave a comment for me below!

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© 2017 Mycheille Norvell


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