Plane Crazy

I’m crazy about planes. Or should I say I’m just plain crazy?! In my one trip to NY for a week I travelled on a LOT of planes. I wish I could say I didn’t get motion sickness or didn’t feel like banging my head against the wall to alleviate the pressure in my ears upon descent/ liftoff because a mouth so full of chewy that I couldn’t legibly answer what drink I wanted – was not enough!

Oh and in case the fine art of sarcasm was lost in my opening words I’m not crazy about planes, and no, this part is also not sarcasm. On one of the trips we hit a particularly large bit of turbulence that caused my half cup of hot chocolate to lose its’ ability to stay inside the cup. I heard a few shocked gasps and suddenly thought I’d lose more than just my hot chocolate. I began wishing I had told so and so why I had been asking her so many weird questions lately – because I was trying to find the perfect gift. I started to hope that unnamed would realise that I really enjoyed all the fun moments we had, even if it was mostly online. I also prayed that someone who knew me really well would find my “Charlie” and somehow be able to finish it in the way I’d wanted it to be finished. I couldn’t live with myself if I had died without having found a way to finish this particular story. Well of course – I’d be dead.

As quick as it had come upon us, it had also left. Or we left it – it just had too many commitment issues. Plus it couldn’t tell us that it loved us – so we ditched it.

At that time I decided it was appropriate to go for my sick bag. That kind of turbulence tends to take ones motion sickness and sets it to the spin cycle. At that point I noticed something highly interesting. I guess a fear is that people will either sit next to someone who just won’t freakin’ shut up – or have a weak stomach. I was the latter!

So my now rather edgy comrade suddenly began edging as far away from me as possible. This was good because it gave me more leg room! He was also looking for another seat – but he wasn’t going to get away that easily!!

It was a long flight so I had plenty of time for it to settle down. I did, however, want to test this theory out on my next flight!

So I did!

I was redirected by Qantas to a United flight on one of the 8 spare seats that remained – so needless to say it would be quite the full flight.

I happened to be seated in between a lady maybe about my age or a little older, and a kind looking older guy – we could’ve almost all been on separate teams on TAYG! I sat down, and before adjusting my bag under the seat, before putting my seatbelt or headphones on – I reached for the sick bag and puffed it out as open as it could go.

Let’s call the lady response number 1. The old guy is the classic response number 2! Number 1 was to my left, and 2 my right.

2: *says nothing but looks at me with a face that says “I do hope you really don’t plan on using that for what I think you’re planning on using that for!”*

1: *eyes open wide* “Oh my gosh – you’re not one of those people are you?”

Me: “I’d like to say no – but well, I do tend to get a little motion sickness on flights like these”

1: *reaches for her own sick bag*

Me: “Why are you getting yours out?”

1: “Because if you’re going to be sick – then so am I!”

Both: *laughs awkwardly – but then it turned into one of those “if-you-laugh-now-I’m-going-to-laugh-as-well” moments*

Captain over the PA: “Ladies and Gentlemen, if you could please make sure your tray table is up, and that your seat is in its full upright position – also please make sure all hand luggage is either in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you, thank you and enjoy the flight, listen to the cabin crew and the in flight safety demonstration – they are here to help you”

Me – to number 1: “They must get so sick of saying that every single fligh-” *plane starts moving I try and look forward while holding my sick bag in front of my face*

“I’ll try and give you as much warning as I can – but no promises!” I say while feeling a little woozy to 1 and 2.

The plane is now off the runway and in the air. I’m hastily looking for something else apart from the chewy and sick bag to alleviate my symptoms. Ah! The air con! I reach up quickly, turn mine on, and say so that they both could hear me “Oh man this makes me feel so much better”

2: “Oh you can have mine too!” *reaches up hurriedly and angles his towards me, turns it on full blast*

I didn’t realise the old guy was such a nice old guy! I thank him and let him try to get back to his paper!

I poke number 1 and whispered to her “I think I should be ok now”

She looks at me bewildered and says “Did you not just hear the captain say that we will be experiencing some turbulence?”

I pause in shock, and then suggest “Oh, well you better have your bag ready too!”

In the end I made it through alright, both 1 and 2 congratulated me for making it without being sick – although I’m pretty sure they were more relieved for themselves, than they were happy for me!

They should pay me for my in-flight shenanigans – they seem to entertain those around me.

Although I can honestly say the next person I sat next to on a plane seemed far from entertained when I sat in the seat next to him, pulled out my sick bag, and exclaimed while looking into it:

“They really don’t make these big enough anymore – do they?!”