Poetry and the Human Condition Pt 5 Tequila Trouble!
It is said machetes have killed more people than guns!
Not all parents like their darling being seduced by the Gringo!
For those who have visited Mexico, they know that amor and borracheros (love and drunkenness) often go hand-in-hand.
Gringo males, perhaps not used to the gorgeous and exotic Latin mujer (woman) fall in love, spelled "lust" more quickly than common sense should have dictated. Yep: fools often rush in "south of the border" when the mariachis begin their plaintive wail; the nights are tropic-warm and balmy and the Herradura (top tequila) flows like agua.
For her part, weaned on Hollywood and television, showing North American males driving sleek cars into the sunset and living in mansions, beautiful girls on each arm, the young señorita just knows all Gringo males are millionaires and can't wait to spread the largess around. And it is true - at least for the couple of weeks the vacation lasts.
But all these elements can add up to spell TROUBLE - and here's one time when the worst was only averted by something more than chump-change. I should know: it happened to me (honest...more or less) in the days before I grew any common sense. The setting was the unsurpassed resort of Puerto Vallarta on the Pacific Coast...in the days before commercialisation ruined the place. It was an ambitious poem in the rhyming of English and Spanish words but great fun. Please read explanation of Spanish words at end.
Tequila Torment.
"I met my match in Mexico,
In steamy Puerto Vallarta:
Got legless 'neath the tropic moon;
Made love lit by it after.
I don't know why I was so rash -
I'm suffering from remorse:
It must have been the tequila,
Or maybe the chilli sauce?
Next day Conchita called around,
(I had a turrible crudo).
I wiped the moisture from my brow:
Sweat stinking of menudo.
She stood there with a huge dark chap,
That sticky day in December.
I quavered, 'Who the heck is he?'
She smiled, 'Dad: don't you remember?'
'You hired the mariachis, dear,
You paid a great mordida,
For them to play for mum and dad:
I became your prometida!'
I gulped, 'Prometida, what is that?'
She said, 'Don't tease me, honey,'
The papa pulled the machete out!
It all cost me heaps of money.
A close escape, my dearest friends,
The night I dropped my guardo:
That damned tequila mixed with chilli sauce
Nearly had me entrapado.
So when you visit Mexico
To hook up with the señoritas,
Don't mix amor with the fiery sauce
And Herradura chugged by litres!"
crudo hang-over
mordida a bribe
menudo a stew made from cows' intestines and chili.
prometida fiancee
guardo guard
entrapado trapped
Note: the Spanish may not all be totally accurate...don't chide me, I don't care!
