Portland Oregon Urban Myths: True or False?

1. Portland has one strip club for every day of the year?

2. Portland has a mystery hole in the middle of it?

3. Portland has a re-homing no kill sanctuary for Bed Bugs ,Cockroaches , body and hair lice?

4. The City of Portland Offers Shoplifting classes though the community college system?

5. Portland city water prices are expected to go up because people use less water because they believe in conservation?

6. The City of Portland 911 telephone service center is located in an underground nuclear bomb shelter and bunker?

7. There is a restaurant in Portland where the name, photos and obituary of the pig , cows and chickens appears in the daily menu insert?

8. Portland has high brow vegetarian restaurants with outdoor farting porches?

9. Portland cafe's cultivate hanging bad art because they want the coffee to taste better at least psychologically?

10. The city of Portland hires 3 people to hug trees daily at more than a $85,000 salary per year?

11, A Portland woman stood so still and so long in forest park that English ivy grew up and over her and now she is worshiped as a modern day living ivy league Buddha?

12. That one or more newspaper in Portland hosts an annual local pornographic film festival which is now mainstream?

13. That the rocky horror picture show is still showing in a local theater?

14. Marijuana farming is one of the major industries in the city limits of Portland, Oregon with a net annual value in trade over a billion dollars?

15. There is a nuclear power plant at Reed College?

16. More than one public school operates an after school underage whore house set up by ex mayor ?

17. Giant prehistoric mega-fuana ground sloughs patrol forest park . Coincidentally they are killing the trees?

18. One out of every 500 single family homes in the city, particularly in NE Portland, has a paid 24/7 doorman standing outside in a dorky costume like a beef eater or a pirate doorman because these people earn too much money and need a living status symbol?

19. Portlanders are disconnecting their gas lines and fracking natural gas under their homes hooked up to gas generators many are suffering from radon poisoning?

20. Portland has a permanent tent city for the homeless where occupation style tents now rent for $400 a month.

21. Rental real estate is so expensive in Portland people are willing to rent spaces in structures that used to be only occupied by illegal aliens such as dog houses, back yard sheds, tree houses,and there is even a drained ex-septic tank that often comes up on craigslist renting for $300 a month known as the "bomb shelter." Dog houses and tree houses tend to rent for under $200 a month with some properties having long waiting lists of applicants?

22. There is a stranded submarine in the Willamette River?

23. Drinking a beer on the streets of the city can net you a $400 fine from police in Portland but if you pour clear vodka in a water bottle you get a pass?

24. A local suicide club has not lost a member since 1989?

25. The real unemployment rate in Portland including people who have wifi and never leave cafe's is 28 percent higher than in Spain but said to be more happily unemployed?

26. Four of the richest people in Portland started out collecting cans with 5 cent deposits?

27. Ancient alien theorists believe that Portland was created by a race of aliens?

28. Urban farming in Portland includes a farm calling itself Mammary Acres and they supply the city with over 400 gallons of human breast milk a day from their herd of 640 Bovine Ladies. These ladies can earn over $20 per quart to fund their unemployment cafe' wifi lives. Human breast milk is considered to be the key to immortality or at least longevity in the well to do dreadlocks suburbs including Lake Oswego where the milk can sell for over $170 per gallon raw or pasteurized?

29. A woman got a job from the city of Portland paying over $300,000 a year as the city's first beautiful unionized blond sexual harassment model and officer. She dresses in a sensual manner and goes from pretending to work in every department in the city to find and root out sexual harassers?

30. Slave trafficking is alive and well in Portland. One in seven families owns at least one slave for entertainment purposes which is why Senator Ron Wyden makes such a big fuss about slave trafficking There are more slaves in Portland than there are big flat screen televisions?

31. The Portland City Council has a Pow WOW Room which at its heart has a 7 foot tall medical marijuana huka/ bong where all city council members can puff simultaneously for group inspiration?

32. Every Time a newspaper or TV station talks about the local community they mean commune not general community?

33. Californians must quickly get temporary Oregon license plates on their cars if they stay or they risk being deported and their cars seized because they are automobiles and not bicycles?

34. The new combined sewer that cost Portland Billions and billions of dollars to build is so completely useless that skateboarders secretly use it for underground skate races in the hours when max trains are in the max tunnels?

35. The city of Portland drove a fur store out of business but now taxidermy and road kill restaurants are all the rage in town?

36. Inside the statue of Portlandia is a medical marijuana dispensary and silo?

37, Professional Portland Artists have to pay over $400 a year to various agencies to have a valid license to practice in the city limits?

38. The city of Portland charges residents to clean leaves out of the streets in autumn because no one fixes the pot holes and city trucks might fall in. One city pot hole is over 2 feet deep and a pound 250 days a year with urban tadpoles living in it?

39. The City is looking for new sources of money including placing monitors in bedrooms throughout the city to meter sexual activity by the minute and tax it to pay for schools?

40, An artist proposed filling the entire Portland Art Museum with solid concrete to improve it's monumentally but the city preferred to have the main public library filled with solid concrete to save money on heating and cooling?

41. Meth addicts stole a 40 ft tall statue of George W. Bush that was placed in pioneer square and few people remember it since it was unveiled.

42. The city plans to rename SW Broadway downtown Fidel Castro Boulevard because Broadway is such a sexist term?

43. The city of Portland now parks cars in the middle of the street to have a bicycle path closer to the sidewalk where car doors can still slam into bikes now watching parked car doors opening?

44. Nearly half the people in the city are starving because their only source of food is an Oregon Trails card. Hunger is a major problem in the city and Whole Foods does not help because no one has a pay check.

45. The city of Portland built an outdoor exposed urban urinal along one side of the Armory Theater building It is the longest public urinal in the world but women are upset because it gives them few options to squat?

46. The peace corp has a local field office in Portland to help civilize the natives?

47. The house that Walt Disney's Parents owned that was used as collateral to help create the now multi billion dollar corporation still exists in Portland?

48. There are more shaman in Portland than there are Md's occasionally a shaman war breaks out over a spiritual issue?

49. Being Naked in Public is a right in Portland but now you must pay for an annual permit after being judged as suitable for public viewing by the Portland City Nudity Board . An obese overweight binge eaters group has just filed a lawsuit against the city charging them with naked discrimination?

50. There are 17 hippie drum circles in NE Portland and 44 sacrificial back yard lamb sacrificing fire pits in the same neighborhoods?

51. The city of Portland once planned to build a monorail or a cable car system directly to Mount Hood from the center of the city?

52. The city convention center will host a convention of people who think they are Jesus in the year 2023 called the "I am Jesus festival"?

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SO WHICH OF THESE URBAN MYTHS ARE TRUE AND WHICH ARE FALSE?

HERE ARE THE ANSWERS:

There are no myths in Portland Oregon. The city is so honest, uncorrupted and such a virgin territory that everything is true and wonderful. There is nothing bad in utopia. Nothing sour in paradise. Nothing bitter in the land of milk and honey. If you read it on the Internet it cannot be false.

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