Things to Do While Bored and Waiting at the Airport

At the airport? Have nothing at all to do and just want to kill time?

Here are some suggestions that may or may not get you into trouble:

1 - Read. Get bored and stop reading.

2 - Watch TV. Get bored and stop watching.

3 - Watch the TV's that are muted with closed captions and, rather than read the captions, make up what the newscasters are saying and try to make it match their mouth movements as best you can. (This usually works best with a partner.)

4 - Stare at other people in the lobby and make up their life stories based on what they're wearing and/or what magazine they're reading. If you end up talking to them, talk to them as if you already know them based on the life story you made up.

5 - Go to a gift shop and get the cheapest thing, then go to another gift shop and try to sell it to people in there for twice what you paid for it.

6 - Try to do calisthenic exercises using the seats and railings in the waiting areas in front of your gate.

7 - Pretend you're a secret agent and walk around with your bag/briefcase all stone-faced. Come up to a random, unassuming person and leave the bag next to them while saying covertly: "Here it is. I think you know what you need to do with this from here on in. Good luck."

8 - Get arrested for number 7.

9 - Ask people walking by to take touristy pictures of you with your camera, in front of things that aren't worthy of photographs. ex: The men's bathroom sign, a magazine rack, another random person who is not related to you, etc.

10 - Look out the windows and say, "Oh my gosh, look! It's a plane!" to the person next to you, while pointing excitedly.

11 - Turn to someone near you and start a conversation. Change the subject at some point to a list of horrific plane crashes you read about once on the Internet.

12 - Pick a religion (preferably an unpopular one). Try to convert someone to it, with the main thesis of your argument being that they can't be sure they'll survive the flight they're about to take, so they should be sure they believe the right thing just in case. If you have the supplies, make little tracts or religious pamphlets out of paper and crayons and pass them out.

13 - Now that you're on the subject, get philosophical and think about the meaning of life yourself. Have an epiphany.

14 - Stand next to someone who is looking out the windows at the runway, and ask them: "You see that plane?" while pointing at an airplane that's parking itself somewhere out in the distance. When they answer: "Yes," respond: "No you don't. You only think you see that plane, but, in reality, there is no plane. In reality, there is no such thing as planes. In reality, I'm not even standing here talking to you." Then slowly back away while still facing them until you've reached a distance of ten feet or so from them, then turn around and run away.

15 - Find a pay phone and call someone. It's awesome because you're actually using a pay phone, a nearly-obsolete gadget that only exists inside airports anymore. Say to the person you're calling: "I'm calling from a pay phone! Isn't that amazing?!"

16 - If the airport is the fancy kind with motion-sensored sinks and toilets, go to the bathroom and play with them. Wave your hand over the sensors and giggle awkwardly when the toilet flushes and/or the sink turns itself on. Do this many times. Waste lots of water.

17 - Go hunting for fallen change around the airport to use to get a snack at a vending machine.

18 - Go to a vending machine and stare at all the food items for a long time, but don't buy anything.

19 - Start a conversation with some more random people, but this time make it sound as if you're convinced that you're about to board a spaceship and not an airplane. Ask them what they think the weather on Venus is like ("Probably a little hot.").

20 - Be taken away in a straitjacket before it has even gotten close to your scheduled boarding time.