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Funny Observations of Tourists on the Sands of Myrtle Beach.

Updated on March 18, 2018
Don Bobbitt profile image

Don is an Amateur Photographer. He has been capturing examples of Beauty, Life and Scenery for decades and shares his works with friends.

Beach Day - Tide going Out

Seagulls in the Surf
Seagulls in the Surf | Source

Just WHO am I?

Well, I recently lived near the popular East Coast town of North Myrtle Beach in South Carolina and I would often go down to the beach itself and walk a few miles for the exercise and the fresh air.

So, whenever I could, I would walk on the beach "for my health", even though it would often irritate my arthritic joints.

Why, you might ask, If I hurt so bad, do I walk on the Beach?

Interestingly, I did a little research on the web, and found out that if you walk on a Sandy Beach, you burn twice the calories as you will on regular flat roads. Being the lazy person that I am, I prefer to hurt for half as long for the same amount of "burn".

Who I see when I am walking on the Beach

One of the thing you begin to notice when you are exercising in public several days a week, regardless of what kind of exercise it is, you are definitely going to occasionally become bored.

It didn't take me long before I started a little game to entertain myself. I noticed that there are a lot of people who fall into certain, shall I say, "visual categories" of Beach going tourists.

So, as i took my walks, I began watching and guessing the WHO, WHAT, WHERE and WHY about these strange people I would see each day when I walked.

The first day of my new game, I recorded my observations and my actual walk was just 2 miles up the beach and, of course, 2 miles back!

It was a sunny day and the tide was out.

It didn't take long before I saw that I could define quite a few categories of tourists right away and as I continued to walk on the beach over the next few months, I refined my categories.

Below are some of the categories I observed, from the one with the largest number of people to the smallest;

SeaFoam Shells and Clams

Seafoam, Shells and Clams
Seafoam, Shells and Clams | Source

Greasy Beach Sleepers

My top category includes these "beached whales" that are so prevalent on any beach. (I usually can pick out at least 30+ prime examples of these on any day)

These are the people who slather sunblock on themselves until they resemble some Bizarro-world version of a Body Builder.

Once they have finished their oil applications, they lie down on their five-dollar lounger that they picked up at the local Walmart and fall into an immediate Coma.

They snore, fart, scratch themselves, and occasionally roll into a different position, to continue their "fun vacation in the Sun".

Usually they will lie there, without moving, until their skin reaches a level of skin redness surpassed only by a new Soviet flag.

Or, if it's time to return to their Condo to eat.

Seagull on the Sand

Seagull on the Sand
Seagull on the Sand | Source

Stupid Beach Parents are everywhere

I will notice at least 20+ instances of this category (including young couples and your miscellaneous Grandparents, friends, etc.)

There are so many Beach Parents who are daily endangering their children through stupidity

The reason that I call so many of the the people that I see on the Beach with Kids, Stupid, is because of how casual they are about the safety of their children, playing so near an Ocean.

These are not the parents who go to the water WITH their Kids to play, but rather they are the ones who set up their chairs at the Hightide line (so they will not have to move later if the Tide comes in).

They just plant their oversize, pale butts in their chairs, and casually watch their kids actually playing in the Surf.

I want to go over and ask them a question that stays in the back of my mind.

I want to ask them to check their watch, and time how many seconds it takes them to get out of their chair, and run to where their children are playing in the Ocean.

I have estimated this to be 10-20 seconds, minimum, depending on how fat they happen to be and how far away they are from the children..

I would then ask them to look out and estimate how far an undertow would have taken their child in that same period of time, or if, their kid just slips and goes underwater.

I want to ask but I don't!

These are type of Parents who think nothing of allowing their Kids play in the Surf, while they only occasionally glance over and watch the kids fall down, drop toys, hurt their feet on broken shells, and with some; just cry, cry cry, incessantly.

These parents are oblivious to how close they are to losing their kids to; the surf, undertow, or drowning. Oh Well!

These are the Stupid ones I notice, I am not talking about or implying that the the smart ones who actually are true guardians of their children while at the Ocean.


Seagrass and Dunes on NMB

Seagrass and Dunes on NMB
Seagrass and Dunes on NMB | Source

The YOUNG BODIES

Where you have a hot sandy beach you have plenty of Young Bodies who are out there to impress the world with their looks

Depending on the season, there will always be a dozen or often more of these unique beach animals noticeable on my walks.(there will be some loners, but generally, for some unknown reason they seem to walk the Beach almost exlcusively in pairs??)

I really enjoy these Beach Tourists! They are generally the 16 to 28 year-olds (on average) who have spent the past year working out at their local gym, eating strange muscle building concoctions and lying in Tanning Beds, preparing for their 1-2 week beach vacation.

They punish themselves so much, for so long, just so they can walk slowly down the beach just to be looked at and admired.

We all did this, to some degree, in our younger years (or wanted to ??). Well, I believe in the old adage ..... Show it while you got it! Cause it don't last long! Or something like that.

The shame is that this category is shrinking each year and being replaced by the large people! You know, those purveyors of double cheeseburgers, super-sized fries and a half gallon of sugar filled soda.


Sandwalker

Sandwalker
Sandwalker | Source

Here Come the Large Bodies

Large Bodies on the Beach that can block the Sun, it seems.

In my relatively short walk, it seems that the number of people in this category is a growing phenomenon as I can always count on there being at least 10 or more wallowing on the sands.

First let me say that I have been overweight most of my life, and only recently lost a significant amount of weight (>50-lbs). I know what it's like to carry that load around, figuratively, socially, and physically.

But ...... what I see on the beach, in restaurants, in public and in general is becoming a scary trend.

Too many people are Overweight, no, OBESE, and it seems that the numbers are growing.

I'm not talking about just Fat.

I mean, Ladies, if someone can sit their can of Beer on your Ass and use it as a table, you are way too big for your own Health!.

And Guys, if you haven't seen your Penis in years without the use of a mirror, you need to consider some kind of diet.

And if your belly is so large and you have been pushing your belt down so far, that without a shirt, your pubic hair would stick out, you are overweight.

The Overweight and Obese singles and couples on the beach do stand out. Sorry but yes, they do! Everyone stands out, don't get me wrong.

But, there are only a few of the rare perfect bodies to be found on the beach; except maybe, for the children.

Everyone else is "sub-perfect" ????

You know, too tall, too short, head too big, Ass too big, bow-legged, short-legged, etc, etc, etc.

Sorry to say, but this category is growing every year (pardon the pun, again).

Seagull in Flight

Seagull in Flight
Seagull in Flight | Source

The Single Dad

Single Parents on the Beach, taking care of their Kids, alone.

There will easily be five or six of these along the way as I take my beach walk

These guys are so much fun to watch. They are visibly cases of Misery in motion.

OK, some of them seem to be actually enjoying their kids, but it seems that after about an hour or so, they get that "strained look" in their eyes, and their smiles seem to grow more forced as time goes on.

Even though they probably have, or are, running off to Fish or Golf for several days with their buddies and this is their day for watching the kids, as payback, so the wife can go Shopping or whatever she wants to do, with her friends.

Payday has arrived! ....... Aint it Hell!

By around noon, with the crying kids, and the sunburn, and the heat; the look in their eyes starts to change into that look.

You know, the "Where is She?",

"How long does it take to shop at an Outlet Mall?",

"Wait until he/she gets back ..... I am going to make ....... her feel SO GUILTY !!!!!!" ........ look!

But, these guys can; round up 1-3 kids, grab beach chairs, umbrellas and beach toys, and literally sprint across the sand to their condo in 10 seconds flat when they get that "I'm Back!" cell phone call from Mom!

I love them! Been there and Done that!


Seagulls in the Wind

Seagulls in the Wind
Seagulls in the Wind | Source

Beer Drinkers on the Beach

Beer Drinkers enjoying the Beach


(at least 6 or more depending on the time of day)--

I love these people........Beer Drinkers!

You know, the serious guys who will Bitch at carrying a single bag of garbage out when they are at home, they are the same men that will make 3 trips or more, down to the beach with their daily supply of Beer and Snacks.

These trips are necessary to carry and set-up his;

over-sized umbrella,

2 coolers full of iced beer,

two extra-wide lounge chairs (looking out for the wife, you know),

a fold-up table,

a bag full of several salty snacks,

and 5+ towels to cover himself from the sun.

Then, once ensconced in his little private version of Heaven, he will only leave his chair throughout the whole day, to go waist high in the surf and Piss in the Ocean.

Be careful though, these guys also tend to accumulate in packs and their most recent trend is to set up large backyard patio tents on the beach.

Then you will see as many as a half dozen of them partying under these things.


Seagull Gathering

Seagull Gathering
Seagull Gathering | Source

the Other Beach Goers that you will also see.

And then there are the Rest.

Just miscellaneous groupings of other special character traits

.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Tanned Couple


(- 4) --You see them here, maybe three or four on a typical day, out there on the Beach, coming out just to parade their strange bodies.

The Darkly Tanned, older couple, walking down the beach determinedly, staring forward, as if heading to some special destination.

When, usually, they are just trying to be seen and admired as if they were the Young Bodies they had once been, years ago!

Hey, the Young Bodies have to go somewhere!

The attrition rate is high, from Skin Cancer, marriage, babies, and just old-age. These few have survived and deserve their continued march on the Sand, I guess!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moms Pushing Baby Carriages


(- 3). OK, I understand the young Mom, in her cool jogging suit pushing a baby carriage down a street for exercise. But, why didn't someone explain to her that those skinny tires just do not roll well on sand.

I will see two or three of these women, determinedly leaning at a 45-degree angle and trying to force a baby carriage through the varying densities of sand.

Basically, they just look Stupid! Take the poor baby and the carriage back up to the street and push it there, girl!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Surf Fishermen-


These guys tend to be a subset of the Beer Drinkers and yep, there will always be at least a couple of them out there each day..

For some reason, they think that they are going to catch dozens of some kind of edible Fish for dinner. In actuality, they generally haven't caught anything when I pass by them, and I assume that is the norm for them.

They do tend to enjoy explaining their rigs and equipment to others and are often giving a lot of free info to other guys on how to Surf Fish.

There are some other miscellaneous beach characters wandering around on the beach but in smaller quantities. That's for another day!


Ocean Life in a Shell

Ocean Life in a Shell!
Ocean Life in a Shell! | Source
A
5000 ocean blvd, north myrtle beach, sc:
5000 N Ocean Blvd, North Myrtle Beach, SC 29582, USA

get directions

© 2009 Don Bobbitt

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    • Don Bobbitt profile imageAUTHOR

      Don Bobbitt 

      2 months ago from Ruskin Florida

      Liz Westwood - Thanks for the kind comments. I have found that even though people are the same everywhere I have traveled, when you put them in a bathing suit, on vacation, they tend to shift into more obvious persona's.

      Have a Great Day!

      DON

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      2 months ago from UK

      I thoroughly enjoyed this article as much for the commentary on humanity as the description of the beach. I've recently also noticed the selfie-takers by the water's edge, posing while they take photos on their mobile phones.

    • freecampingaussie profile image

      freecampingaussie 

      5 years ago from Southern Spain

      I enjoyed this and had a laugh however it is sad to see parents sit down rather than play with their children in the water . I spent many hours with my girls boogie boarding , jumping waves having a good time !

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 

      6 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Yeah it get's a little bit too crowded on the beach for me when they all start their flocking. By 8:00 A.M. it was packed with those sunbathers.

    • Don Bobbitt profile imageAUTHOR

      Don Bobbitt 

      6 years ago from Ruskin Florida

      Thanks for the kind Comment, Efficient Admin! I really appreciate it that you recognized my satirical and slanted view of the world that day when I wrote about what I had seen along the beach. People are funny, and I really enjoy observing them as they merge into flocks!

      Thanks again, and have a great day.

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 

      6 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      I have walked on the dunes of Mrytle Beach many times and have seen much of what you wrote about. Hilarious! Once I saw a guy catch a baby shark and he was standing right there at the edge of the water! Voted up, interesting.

    • resspenser profile image

      Ronnie Sowell 

      8 years ago from South Carolina

      Don,

      We go up to Sunset Beach just across the border in NC two or three times a year. My stepson who is handicapped and lives with us loves to ride his 3 wheel bike on that beach. I used to dream of living there but now it is too far from my granddaughter!LOL:)

      Loved the hub and you got the people just right. There is another whole set on the pier at Sunset!

    • Don Bobbitt profile imageAUTHOR

      Don Bobbitt 

      8 years ago from Ruskin Florida

      I agree with you Laurel. We retired to this area just to be close to the great beaches. Hopefully, my Sarcastic spin on the people I see on the Beaches wasn't too harsh! But if you walk the Beach regularly, your mind tends to take trips to odd places, and this Hub reflects where I had gone to, on that particular day.

      PS. I read your stuff, and am now a Fan. I really like it!

    • Laurel Oakes profile image

      Laurel Oakes 

      8 years ago

    working

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