Trashy dancer: The joys of being an innkeeper

Trashy dancer: The joys of being an innkeeper

The Mid-America Truck Show was coming to town. I started getting a lot of calls and knew I would be filled to capacity. I was feeling happy thinking about the fact that I would probably be able to meet my expenses this month, when the phone rang. It was the secretary of one of the large trucking companies in Chicago calling to book a room for herself. Great, that does it. I'm full! The show was less than week a way but I have plenty of time to shop for the extra food I need to feed 9 truckers and a secretary.

The night before the show, people started checking in around 4:00 pm. I had a couple of repeats from last year and four new guys from New Jersey. "Sorry, fellas, you can't smoke those stogies in here." My Inn is smoke free, but I have a deck and beautiful garden out back. The weather was still a little chilly, but I figured the March winds wouldn't deter these guys from further blackening their lungs with their ever lovin' havana cigars. There was extra beer in the dining room frig, so I was sure they'll make good use of that too.

By 7:00 pm, everyone had checked in except Kelly, the secretary. I had booked her into Roxanne's Room, a beautiful bright and sunny, yellow room overlooking the garden. With its white Battenberg lace curtains and dust ruffles, I was sure Kelly would love it. She finally arrived at 10:00 pm, just before my bedtime. I brought her upstairs and showed her her room. As I had anticipated, she loved it. About 20 minutes after I'd given her a key and taken her to her room, I heard the front door shut. I dashed to the front window, in time to see a car speed off with Kelly inside. Must be a planning meeting or something.

Exhausted, I fell asleep immediately and didn't wake 'til the alarm went off at 6:00 am. Ashley was already in the kitchen starting breakfast. After breakfast, Ash and I went up to clean the rooms. Kelly's towels were on the floor in the bathroom and the white washcloths were completely covered in makeup: foundation, lipstick and lots of black eye shadow. I knew it wouldn't all come out and so I set a jar of cotton balls and makeup remover on the sink, hoping she'd use that instead of the washcloths. The door to the closet was open and I couldn't help but notice the sexy little numbers inside she called clothes. I was wondering why a secretary would be dressed like that at at trade show.

Next day, the washcloths were again covered in makeup, and we discovered whisky bottles under the bed, as well as some male underwear between the sheets. This time, I left her a note telling her not to use the washcloths for makeup, and making a request that she not bring her boyfriend and alcohol up to her room. I would have just told her to leave, but she hadn't paid the bill and I wanted to see her in person. I knew she wouldn't be home 'til late, so I figured I'd talk to her in the morning

Morning came and Kelly did not come down to breakfast. I went up to her room, and opened the door to discover that she was gone, two days early; skipped out in the middle of the night. The room had been emptied of all her belongings. I was concerned about the bill. She had given me her grandmother's credit card, but told me not to run it through; that she would pay me in cash when she checked out. I talked to the truckers after she left and found out that she was an exotic dancer and there to entertain the truckers. I have no idea how many of them she might have entertained in my guestroom, but I certainly know where she was going to come up with the cash to pay the bill, none of which I ever saw. But grandma's credit card went through, so I was happy.

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Comments 17 comments

Dink96 profile image

Dink96 7 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

Oh, I love these stories!  You got a couple of good belly laughs out of me, Alek!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Thanks D., glad you enjoyed the stories. I've got plenty more where those came from. I'm trying to collect them here, so that I can put them all together in a memoir-type book with recipes. Whadaya think? I want it to be funny....sorta like Erma Bombeck

SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

Wow alek you are so brave!  Not to be harsh on that exotic dancer lady, but she should have checked into a motel if that was the type of behavior she was in too.  Yikes, using wash clothes for foundation!  It sounds like you had a lot of cleaning to do up after her.  My sister used to be a housekeeper at a retreat, so she told many similar stories of the things people left behind in rooms, such as condoms between the sheets and liquor bottles.  Another friend who was a housekeeper found a sanitary napkin once in the shower, which was really gross.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Thanks for the comment SP. Yeah, the life of an innkeeper aint always so sweet. Guests like these actually come few and far between. I've been doing this 15 years, it's my second career, and I would say I've had maybe four or five extreme cases. There have been many "high maintenance" guests, but at least they weren't all trashing the place.

SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

Hi Alek,

I think with bed and breakfast setting most guests would be respectful, but as you said I am sure you see quite a bit of things. Still, I am sure working at a hotel would be a completely different story. My sister liked working at the retreat, but once and awhile some people just let some really weird things behind. The high maintenance ones are funny, and I am still wondering about thoese guys who helped the lady bring her bags to you b&b to never return. I think you should write a book about these stories.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

SP, I really appreciate your suggestion about writing a book of B&B stories. I am actually thinking of doing that; that's one reason I started writing all this little pieces about my experiences. I thought I could put them altogether in a book of "The Memoirs of an Innkeeper" and add some humor and recipes.

KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

I love these stories too, alekhouse! A book is definitely a good idea!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Ok. I'll start after this darn hub challenge is over

Chef MacKenzie profile image

Chef MacKenzie 7 years ago from Inn at Pleasant Lake

An innkeeper with good stories. I am new to hubpages, I never thought there would be an audience for inn stories, except close friends that need some entertaining. Sometimes the stories are so over the top, I think people may not believe them. I've got some doosies as well. My wife and I have been innkeeping for 12 years. It is never dull.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Chef, thanks for the nice comment. Looking forward to reading your hubs and get to know you better

maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain

What an entertaining hub, as my old dad use to say 'there's nowt so queer as folk' we have a small bar and we too have some very peculiar customers at times. I most certainly will be reading more of your hubs, you have just won yourself a new fan.

fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina

This is so cool. Keep writing them, I love it. You must have wonderful tales to tell.


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

maggs: Thanks for stopping by and becoming my fan. I have a lot of these stories from eventd over the past 15 years........just gotta remember them. Shoulda been taking notes asll this time!

dori: Love it that you think my hubs are cool! Thanks. Come back again.

RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

This is a great series! I love your style, too. My ex-partner and I were urged to open a B&B, and though we toyed with the idea, I'm actually glad we never did! We certainly would have needed a "Greg"! I am off to read more!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 6 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Thanks for the nice comments. Well, a bed and breakfast really is a lot of work. Don't think I could have handled for the past 16 years with being a work-a-holic, which I am.

Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

I'm entranced! The photo of your Inn on your webpage is just lovely!! There's no place like Louisville for wonderful old houses and ambience. If and when I visit north, I'd love to stay in your Inn a bit. My daughter and her 5 daughters and various sub-groups -LOL - are in Bloomington and Indianapolis, Indiana. I'm more akin to Kentucky, however.

I confess I haven't relished all your hubs - but I want to!! I feel such a verve in all you do, I'm sure it will be a treat!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 6 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Thanks for the nice comment, Nellie, but I have sold my Inn and will be moving to Austin, TX the first week in August. The Inn will stay in tact though, if you still want to visit, and will be run by my assistant to whom I have sold it. It will retain the same name, so you can find it on line.

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