I need some help improving. :]

1. 57

   Woplesposted 11 years ago

   I just finished my second hub, and that I don't know how I feel about it. Could someone please, because there's only two, read over them and tell me what I should do to improve them?
   
   I feel that the pictures I have in my articles, or hubs, rather, really help them out. What you guys think?
   
   Thanks.
   
   Here's links to the two articles:
   HubPage 1
   HubPage 2

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   1. 61

      Abdul Wahaboneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Woples, i had a close look at your articles. There is nothing wrong with the content,
      but i had these things in my mind that will surely take you a step closer to becoming an excellent writer
      1. U need to have catchy article headings, like , "Sweetwater, i never thought that" or "Customer service rating: EXCELLENT" or "Sweetwater: Whoah you're good"
      i might have used slightly uncommon or friendly sentences but all these bring immediate attention to the users, for instance i am just surfing in Hubpages and i see your hub's heading, and then i feel like hey thats something different, lets check it out.
      2. You need to understand that mostly freelance writers are average in english skills,, so whenever you are writing, make sure you dont use a word twice.
      lets say that this was in one of my paragraphs, "All the efforts by the gov. were useless"
      then in the next paragraph i would think of writing, " the efforts of the private guards were also useless", but wait, think for a moment, these two sentences, if you read them together, u feel like the author is amateur.
      so what to do, go to google, search """Effort synonyms"""" also search """"useless synonyms"""". after opening any good site get to know any better word that could replace this.
      so if you read my sentence again, "the initiative taken by the guards was also fruitless""
      Now the in the face of the reader, you are not amateur
      
      
      Last thing i want to say is that you have unique topics for your hubs, thats very good, keep it up, I know that you would go pro very soon.

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   2. 87

      kschangposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      First one is both short... AND short on details. Title is also pretty lame. It should be like "Most Surprising Phone Support Call I got: SweetWater Audio" or something like that.
      
      Really want to hear from YOU, not just how impressed you are, but WHY you're impressed, do they really know what they're talking about when it comes to audio equipment... so on and so forth.
      
      Hub two is still a wee bit short, and short on details.
      
      Right now, you seem to be writing this "short blurbs" which are more suited as blog entries than hubs. IMHO, of course. But each hub should have a clear message, and most Hubs are instructional. Your two hubs are... neither. It's more like "what cool stuff I found!" or "how cool is this!" 
      
      Think about your topics a bit more. Remember, you can have a dozen topics, but not all of them needs to be a hub.

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2. 85

   psycheskinnerposted 11 years ago

   Honestly both hub read like advertisements to me.  They are both fully 'this is great' without any other real message?

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3. 86

   lizlauderposted 11 years ago

   I think you have some nuggets of good info in your hubs, but I'm seeing kind of a fuzziness about the purpose of your hubs and/or who would be reading them.  No one is going to read unless they're getting information they think is useful...so your hubs need to be focused, organized, and titled in such a way that someone who stumbles on then can tell what useful info they might get.   A couple specific comments:
   
   1)  On the SweetWater hub, I'm not sure why your reader would care.  It's great that you had a good experience, but this is really just a story about that experience.  That said, I'm sure there are ways to broaden it out so that it does address a bigger point -- you could do a comparison btn their CS and that of comparable companies, you could do some research about which companies in this industry have the best reputation for research, or you could turn the hub into a recommendation on how to deliver good customer service.  In other words, I think the story you tell is the *occasion* for the hub (or the reason you're thinking about CS in the first place), rather than the hub itself.
   
   2) On the DrawSomething hub, I see a disconnect between the stated purpose of your hub and what it actually does.  What I take away from it is that you can tell me how to boost the performance of this game by hooking up a tablet to my PC.  That's valuable info and I'll bet there's someone out there looking for it.  But they're not going to find it, b/c your title claims I can get better at art and the first half of your hub is basically a description of the game.  So reorganize!  Change your title, start your hub out with a couple sentences that explains what you're about to cover and why its valuable, and add in some sub-headers so your reader can skim the content and find the directions quickly.
   
   Good luck!

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