Alcoholism and Addiction, The Sobering Facts of Spiritual Recovery

Divine Source

Learning to keep an open mind and develop faith in a Higher Power will enable you to turn your will over to this Divine Source and inspire you to practice the principles of AA.
Learning to keep an open mind and develop faith in a Higher Power will enable you to turn your will over to this Divine Source and inspire you to practice the principles of AA. | Source

Spiritual Awakening

This article Alcoholism and Addiction, The Sobering Facts of Spiritual Recovery is long overdue but is being written and shared with the world to clear the air on a subject that the majority of mankind simply does not understand and is unwilling to explore. I dedicate this article to my family and hope all those affected by my alcoholism and addiction will read it, to better understand how it relates to them and me.

I've been writing articles online for over five years now, on a wide variety of subjects that interest me. It was suggested that I do this by a family member that had grown tired of reading my long, rambling emails on subjects that they found had no merit in the reality of everyday life. They told me that I could actually earn a good living writing articles and that they generally didn't buy into the crap I shared with them so it was a waste of my time to write it, and theirs to read it.

When I first got sober on July 7, 2004, it was suggested to me that I keep a journal of my thoughts and ideas about my recovery as it would help to clarify my thinking by putting my thoughts into written words. I was told that I should write in such a manner that anyone that picked up my journal and began reading would be able to emphasize with my experiences.

Admitting that you have a problem that you cannot solve on your own is embarrassing and shameful. The guilt associated with admitting your an alcoholic and addict, which to me is the same thing because alcohol is drug, make no mistake, prevents more people from seeking help than perhaps any other reason. No one likes admitting they are helpless or that they can't control themselves but psychoanalyzing yourself can prove to be a futile effort without practice and training.

"The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The amount of alcohol or drugs you consume isn't the determining factor for addiction, it is how often this occurs. Even if you only ingest a small amount a everyday, this is what determines your dependency. The habit of altering your brain chemistry daily even in small dosages is still dependency.

They say in the rooms of AA that alcoholism and addiction is a disease of the mind created by the addiction itself, that when you learn to think of it as an entity or force with its own desires and needs, it helps you to realize that once you have contracted this disease it is always with you, it is never is cured. Most people don't understand this concept, most people believe that once you are physically sober you are cured.

Let me be clear there is NO CURE for alcoholism or addiction, recovery is a life long process. One is never 'recovered', there is no past tense for the word recovery when it comes to dealing with alcoholism and addiction.

The key to learning a sober lifestyle, something I had no experience with in my adult life, as I started drinking in the eleventh grade, is developing a spiritual awakening. What I didn't realize in the beginning of my sobriety is there are many different forms of this idea. Most spiritual awakenings by non-addicts, is due to some life threatening or near death experience (NDE).

After being sober for a couple of weeks and not having experienced anything remotely close to what most people would associate with a 'spiritual awakening', I began to research the idea by reading as much as I could find on the subject. At the back of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II, entitled Spiritual Experience, I learned that a Spiritual Awakening didn't have to be a sudden epiphany, this was quite the relief to me.

In the first few chapters of the Big Book it describes how sudden revolutionary changes are described in one's character and personality, when gaining a measure of sobriety. This is attributed to having had a 'spiritual awakening' and can be on par with a religious experience. However the majority of recovering alcoholics and addicts have what William James ( a social psychologist) calls a spiritual awakening of the educational variety, as it comes about slowly.

It begins to dawn on people that they are tapping an inner resource they never knew existed before, what most people slowly recognize as A Power Greater Than Themselves. This can be a profound and amazing experience once recognized and is the basis for the spiritual recovery process.

When I first read the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was pretty sure I could handle most of the principles but the God concept I was wary of, having never developed any leanings towards organized religion. What helped was being told that my concept of God could be of my own making and did not need to conform to anyone else's standard.

The last two paragraphs of Appendix II, the Spiritual Experience, were the key to my recovery and when I read these words I felt a great burden lifted from me.

We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials to recovery. But these are indispensable.

"There is a principle that is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - - - that principle is CONTEMPT PRIOR TO INVESTIGATION!"

— Herbert Spencer

Jon Krakauer

The Plan

I was about to leave my home in Denver in early July of 2004, days away from the bank putting a lock on the doors of my house and making me homeless. My plan was to hitchhike to Montana and see Glacier National Park before I died because I knew my life was coming to an end and I wanted to see it before that happened. The plan was to do a Into The Wild maneuver and try to survive as long as I could, knowing I would probably starve to death like the guy in the book.

I was calling all my friends saying goodbye, when one of them asked me if I had ever been sober. I told them the longest I had ever achieved any sobriety was six weeks and it was six weeks of hell. They suggested that I get a hold of an old friend that disappeared in the early 80s and had gotten sober and gave me his number. I called and explained the situation, the first thing he asked me, "Was I powerless over alcohol and cocaine and was my life unmanageable?"

Hell that was a no brainer, "Yes, I just can't drink like normal people and once I start, it leads to me doing drugs and spending money I don't have." In the course of the following conversation I saw a glimmer of hope, a pin-point of light at the end of a long dark tunnel. He arranged for me to spend some time with a mutual sober friend in Colorado, going to some meetings and feeding me.

I traded a $600 cherry table with that friend (one my few remaining possessions), for a one-way airplane ticket to Tennessee and arrived at the Nashville Airport, with a backpack, a fishing pole, the clothes on my back, $7 dollars and some change in my pocket, owing $192,000 dollars, scared, apprehensive and alone.

I weighed 135 pounds at the time because the crackhead/alcohol diet plan not only is less filling and taste great but will help you get rid of all those material items you don't really need such as cars, jobs, girlfriends, household appliances, TVs, stereos, you get the picture. Let's face it food is overrated, you would be amazed how long you can survive on just water.

It had been suggested to me that to get sober I should go someplace where I didn't know anybody (In this case just one person that had been sober for twenty years), so that relapse wouldn't be an option because I knew no one that would enable me to sleep on a couch or feed me. That is why I picked Nashville, Tennessee, after sobering up for three days by staying with a fellow member of AA, I checked myself into a halfway house run by a former NFL player called Chips On the River and thus began my road to recovery.

Learn Hidden Secrets

Learning to brutally honest with yourself and to identify your own character defects is one of the founding principles of AA but is not for the timid or weak hearted.
Learning to brutally honest with yourself and to identify your own character defects is one of the founding principles of AA but is not for the timid or weak hearted. | Source

Spiritual Awakening

A Spiritual Awakening can be of the Educational Variety, that comes about slowly as we learn to develop faith in a Source of Power Greater Than Ousrelves.
A Spiritual Awakening can be of the Educational Variety, that comes about slowly as we learn to develop faith in a Source of Power Greater Than Ousrelves. | Source

Understanding Addiction

It is said the reason AA works is because it is made up of a room full of alcoholics and addicts and that only those suffering from the disease can understand another sufferer. This is beyond a doubt true and has been proven to me, sometimes very painfully, over and over again.

The first time I spoke at a 'meeting', everyone around me was laughing, not at me but with me. Of course I didn't think I had said anything funny but in hindsight, I could see why my comments would be funny.

I had told this group of people that I was an honest crackhead, which got a big laugh and that I didn't lie, cheat or steal. I told them that if I could achieve 30 days of sobriety I could handle the rest on my own and wouldn't need their help or God's. I truly believed that once I learned to drink responsibly, which is what I thought AA was all about, that I could go home and get back to my old life.

At the time I had no clue about addiction, although I had read most of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous on the plane, it didn't really sink in and most of it was abstract ideas to me because I had no experience with the concepts. I learned to accept the truth, that I was a a liar, a cheater and a thief but it was a tough pill to swallow.

Initially I wanted to understand addiction, so that I could think my way out of the situation. I thought if I understood addiction intellectually that it would provide me the means to defeat it, boy, was I in for an awakening. There is no defeating addiction, there is only surrender. This is a common misconception, there is no thinking your way out of addiction.

Addiction does not discriminate, it attacks lawyers, doctors, judges, scientist, janitors, ditch-diggers, journalist, housewives and even social workers and psychiatrists. It makes no distinction and is not dependent on how smart you are. If getting sober was easy anyone could do it just by Saying NO, as Nancy Reagen told us.

A friend in the program told me that addiction is like a boxing match, if you get into the ring with a superior opponent and each round it defeated you, pummeling you and beating you down, eventually even the most stubborn of us will admit defeat and surrender.

I wrote in my journal on August 27, 2004

When I left Denver, it is true I was running . . . hoping to escape my problems. I had fought my addiction for 27 years to no avail, but he who fights and runs, lives to fight another day. I no longer fight my addiction. I have admitted defeat to addiction, not to life. I have changed my tactics by changing my lifestyle. It started with the simple truth that I was powerless and my life was unmanageable.

I have given my faith to a higher power and asked for help. I have been helped by a fellowship, willing to show me a different way. I have opened my mind and become willing to honestly seek a different path. A light grows stronger in me everyday. A light that I am willing to share with anyone that wants it.

I never thought I would ever feel this way. Fifty days of sobriety came one day at a time. Thank you Lord for sharing your light with me, so I could share it with others.

Addiction is illogical, it simply makes no sense, so trying to understand it is a exercise in futility. However to grasp how it works and how subtly and sneaky it can be you have to first achieve a measure of sobriety. In my opinion this cannot be achieved in 30 days, or even six months but more like a couple of years.

I say this because when you use alcohol and drugs it twists the way you think and communicate, it alters the way you think. It obscures the truth and brings a fog over your perceptions and perspective. It basically dulls your senses to the point that you no longer think of others first but only of your own ego.

I suspect that it takes many years of continuous sobriety to untwist your mind and to begin to think clearly or in a manner that you did before you began to use alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and drugs stunts your emotional growth so if you began to use in your teenage years, your mind initially returns to that emotional state but is clouded with the thought processes of adulthood and the way you learned to think under the cloud of addiction.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance is the result of the most basic of all human emotions, fear, that triggers the fight or flight instinct to protect our ego or paradigm.
Cognitive Dissonance is the result of the most basic of all human emotions, fear, that triggers the fight or flight instinct to protect our ego or paradigm. | Source

Denying the Truth

The bottom line is most practicing (drinking) alcoholics refuse to deal with any issue or information that threatens their paradigm, whether it be the emotional baggage of their past, new information that may threatened their way of life or events that could undermine their lifestyle. Some may see it as a comfort factor but the underlying theme is that dealing with any information that may lead to deeper self inspection gets ignored, suppressed and avoided.

This is due largely because they wish to avoid having to address the fact that deep down they know they have developed a problem and the guilt of having to admit it, prevents them from dealing with it, consciously. Because of this it makes it very difficult to address any issue that concerns these drinking habits and how it may affect the sober people in their lives, this is known in the rooms of AA, as denial.

Denial is not just limited to alcoholics, it affects every man, women and child on this planet and is the emotional fear response triggered by our fight or flight instinct. This instinct, that social psychologist have termed Cognitive Dissonance, is very real and is designed as an defense mechanism designed to protect the ego.

When humans are confronted with any new information that may threatened their perceived view of their world, Cognitive Dissonance kicks in and triggers two basic forms of action based on the emotion of fear.

  • To deny the information altogether, by not reading or listening to it, either by walking away from the speaker or refusing to read the new information in its entirety.

  • To argue against the information, by creating scenarios or ideas that fit the new information into their paradigm or poking logical holes in why the new information can't possibly be true.

Often the most basic form of this denial is to attack the messenger and question their integrity, motives, sanity and sobriety. This, 'best defense is an offense tactic', is quite common but clearly shows that subconscious acceptance of the information has been recognized.

This serves to move the real topic away from the subject by distraction and misdirection. Magicians use this type of tactic to distract their audience during magic tricks because it works. Distraction is used to move the focus away from the truth and when dealing with alcoholism it is most often used to prevent a person from dealing with and recognizing a truth that is painful.

However this is actually one of the first signs an individual recognizes that they have a problem, a feeling of anger and resentment. The resentment they feel is being directed outwards, towards others, in the form of anger. Humans develop resentments when they see character traits in others they don't like and realize they have them as well.

Recognizing this type of behavior in yourself, is what allows us to begin the recovery process but requires that we take a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves. This why learning to be completely honest with yourself and others is paramount to the recovery process.

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Tough Decisions Are Part Of Sobriety

I have been sober now for eleven years and in that time I have never been around the family I grew up with for any 24 hour period in which they didn't drink alcohol in front of me. While the act of drinking in front of me doesn't bother me, it is the decision of others to do so that does bother me.

I see my family once every two to three years, that is 712 days or 1,068 days. What bothers me the most is that surely in that amount of time my family has drank enough booze to satisfy any urges they have for alcohol and would have the respect to abstain from drinking alcohol for one day in front of me. However this has never been the case and they simple take for granted that I'm OK with this behavior.

Now where I live, none of my friends drink alcohol or use drugs and are perfectly happy people, the only time I see people drinking is when I visit my family. They have never come to my house in Tennessee, except when I graduated from college and then of course they drank then as well. Even on the night of my graduation from college, my parents and brother and sister took me out for dinner and sat there and drank in front of me, without even bothering to ask if it was acceptable to me, as if I had a choice.

Upon leaving they handed me a big bag of what initially I thought was the uneaten food they had purchased for staying in the condo they had rented for three days. It turns out, it was all the booze they hadn't drank. They asked me if I could find someone that wanted it?

Hello, Anybody Home?

When you get sober, part of that transition, part of creating a new life for yourself is to only have sober friends, that's people that don't drink or use drugs. Handing an alcoholic a bag full of booze is analogous to handing someone that is suicidal a loaded gun or giving a crack head a rock of cocaine and a crack pipe, or giving a heroin addict a syringe and some black tar horse.

A sober person in recovery would never do such a thing because they understand that alcoholics do not need an excuse or reason to start drinking, they just need an opportunity because all it take is one drink, one beer or one shot and it is all over. Just smelling alcohol gives me the creeps and I run, I get away as fast as I can.

I know in my heart, that if I ever go back to drinking and using, you can put a fork in me because I am done.

I truly recognize that I will not recovery a second time, this is my only chance at living a sober life. My family does not understand this and may never, not one person in my family has ever taken the time to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, even though, they are all avid readers. I suspect because then they would recognize that they ALL have drinking problems and would prefer not to have to face that truth about themselves.

That's OK, that is their choice but it also requires that I make difficult choices as well, on whether or not I want to be around them and put myself in a situation in which I must endure their drinking in front of me.

Trust

Learn to trust your inner voice, the God Spark that knows the truth and is inside all humans. This instinct will guide you to the truth but you must learn to pay attention to it and accept the truth and wisdom it will proved for you.
Learn to trust your inner voice, the God Spark that knows the truth and is inside all humans. This instinct will guide you to the truth but you must learn to pay attention to it and accept the truth and wisdom it will proved for you. | Source

Developing Trust

Recently I was invited to participate in a family reunion in Oregon, which is a long way from Tennessee for those that are unfamiliar with their geography. I really wanted to go but of course it would require that I endure people drinking in front of me . . . hmmm, what to do? My thinking was that perhaps my family would be agreeable to not drinking for the time I was there and I would make my visit short, so as to not infringe on their rights as adults.

The first thing I did was call my spiritual counselor and discussed the idea with him to get his take on the situation and to find out if he thought I was being unreasonable or what would be the correct course of action. He suggested that I contact a family member that I trust and discuss the idea but do not under any circumstances make any demands or ultimatums because he thought it could potentially blow up into explosive emotional scenario and that I should avoid that at all cost.

I decided that I would discuss with my brother and sister the idea of the family abstaining from drinking during the time I was there. First I called my brother and initially he was agreeably to the idea, after all another family member is allergic to peanuts and restrictions would be made for their condition, so why not for me. I was amazed and happy by his response. However the next day I got an angry email from my brother accusing me of not having fully 'recovered' (remember there is NO PAST TENSE in the Recovery Program) and that I was being selfish and rude.

Then I contacted my sister and expressed my idea with her . . . well the conversation ended in a shouting match, with her trying to tell me what I think and feel. Obviously this idea didn't go over too well with her and she accused me of being selfish and insecure, among other things. I want to be clear here, I am the world's expert on how "I think and feel", please do not try to tell me how I do either because you simply do not know, period end of story!

I had made them both promise me that they wouldn't discuss this matter with my mother before I had a chance to speak to her and discuss the matter and they both agreed.

To make a long story short, I contemplated this idea and my feelings about how I should raise the topic with my mother. I have learned that if you have a difficult decision, that is weighing heavily on your mind you should give it time to percolate and to ponder it from many different angles. The reunion is in late April, early May of 2016 and my conversations with my brother and sister was in late December of 2015 and early January of 2016, so I had plenty of time, to decide my next course of action.

I again called my spiritual counselor and related the new information and the things I had found out from the conversations with my brother and sister. His advice was to let things 'simmer down' and to wait a at least a week, so that you could think about things and how both your brother and sister's reactions made you feel before talking to my mother. I felt this was good advice and so I went into contemplation mode and even explored the topic in a series of meditations, I also asked the people I work with.

Of course none of these people drink alcohol, so they couldn't understand why my family wouldn't simply not drink around me. They didn't see it as a big deal and couldn't understand how anyone would pick alcohol over another family member. They didn't see how it should even be a problem at all and couldn't understand why it was even a topic of contention, when it should be just a foregone conclusion.

In hindsight I waited too long, both my brother and sister discussed with my mother, what I had specifically asked them not too. I should have realized this is what would happen but I felt I had time and sadly I did not. My mother sent me an emotional email saying I had ruined her dream vacation and that I was uninvited and to stay away from the reunion . . . my decision had been made for me and once again I'm portrayed as the bad guy.

I went back and reread her email that was sent January 22, 2016 and she seems genuinely confused about why I wouldn't address the situation with her first and for some odd reason doesn't seem to understand how people drinking around me 'might' be a problem but that it is my problem and there is absolutely no reason any of them should have to alter their behavior for me. She goes on to tell me that it is selfish of me to ask them not to drink around me and that I should think of others first and not how there behavior makes me feel . . . so there you have it.

What pained me the most, was not having been uninvited but that she didn't even ask me for my version of events before deciding that she didn't want me there. I mean certainly I could have been asked how it made me feel or why I had an issue but this was not the case. It was simply assumed that whatever my brother an sister had told her was the truth and anything I had to relate to the topic was irrelevant.

Serenity

Learning to pray and to ask God to give you the serenity and peace of mind to let go of the past and live in the moment will help you to learn how give and love unconditionally.
Learning to pray and to ask God to give you the serenity and peace of mind to let go of the past and live in the moment will help you to learn how give and love unconditionally. | Source

A Cry For Help

Here is a poem I wrote, when I knew I had reached a bottom and thought for sure the end was near. I cannot begin to describe or share with you the complete and utter hopelessness, fear and pity one feels when they have lost all hope and can see no way out of their self imposed despair.

The Stygian darkness rules supreme, where evil dwells and serpent eyes gleam.

Embracing the darkness that fills my soul, I scamper and crawl like a wounded troll.

Remorseful souls hover and float, in endless pools of hatred I gloat.

My hatred rules like forsaken kings, spreading my devastation on diseased wings.

Despair and isolation rules the night, engulfing my Universe like a cancerous blight.

Crying in anguish, I scream with fright, not knowing or caring if I am right.

Allowing the hopelessness to fill my soul, I wallow in pity of a bottomless hole.

You can feel the despair and emotion I felt in those days in the words above and it comes from knowing that you have brought all of these feelings on yourself. I can truly recognize why some people would chose to take their own life and I'd be lying if if I told you I didn't consider the idea many times.

Early in sobriety I often wondered why I would have to endure such anguish and despair to get sober but it is much easier to see the light when you are surrounded by darkness. The hardest part for me about getting sober was learning how to forgive myself and this is an ongoing process because the more clear your mind becomes the more your remember past events.

I want to be clear I did many things drunk and on drugs, that I deeply regret and wonder how anyone could forgive me.

Conclusions

I often wonder if perhaps my subconscious mind had orchestrated the events, knowing full well that my brother and sister would break their promise to keep the information between us and talk to my mother as way of forcing her to un-invite me. Regardless it taught me several valuable lessons about trust and that we need to love each other unconditionally, despite our character defects and faults.

I hold no hard feelings for my mother, brother or sister and my mother and I have talked many times, since then, of course we carefully don't mention any of the sad events leading up to her email or about the reunion.

My brother and sister haven't talked to me since and I often wonder if it is because they feel bad for what they did or if for some reason they think I owe them an apology. I have no hard feelings for them either, they were simply doing what they do. A leopard cannot change its spots, they are who they are and I still love and accept them for being exactly whom they are at this time. We are all on a spiritual path of enlightenment and we all learn at different levels of awareness, so I cannot judge their decision or actions as wrong.

We are given free will to make our own decisions and to shape our lives as we deem necessary and I cannot project my thinking or feelings onto other people just accept and love them, after all we cannot, nor do we have the right, to try to change other people to conform to our wishes.

I think it is important for me to recognize that if being around people that drink makes me feel uncomfortable then I shouldn't try to pretend it doesn't bother me and simply accept it, deal with it and decide not to be around those people, even it is family.

They know for a fact that they couldn't come to my house and drink and this may be one of the reasons they have decided not to visit me, that is their decision and I respect it, even if I don't agree with it. So they should be able to accept my decision not to be around them when they drink and if this means we will not see each other . . . then so be it.

I have hesitated from publishing this article for months because I don't want to hurt my families feelings if they were to read it but I have to say the whole overall feeling I have from the experience is to be quite honest . . . one of liberation, freedom and to a certain extent serenity. It may be hard too understand this but I feel very similar to when I endured the pain and realization of Step 5 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the relief from Step 6.

5. Admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrong.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove of these defects of character.

I have been unwilling to admit to myself how much my families drinking has on my own feelings and serenity. So when I was asked not to attend this reunion, it literally felt as if a huge burden was lifted from me, perhaps this is selfish of me and if so I apologize.

It is sad to reflect on the possibilities of not being around the family that I grew up with because of their insistence to drink in front of me and how it makes me feel. However I refuse to project negative feelings about the situation and sincerely hope they enjoy their time with each other in April.

I want to be clear that it isn't the actual event of drinking that bothers me, it is the idea that they need to alter their consciousness to interact with me, that bothers me. It hurts my feelings that my family feels the need to numb their emotions and subdue their feelings to interact with me, that bothers me the most. My thinking is that why would I want to travel across the country to be limited to only interacting with folks during the day, when they are sober and have to retreat to the isolation of my room at night, when they start drinking.

I don't live in isolation here in Tennessee because I have chosen to make my friends sober ones and do not have to deal with any hard feelings associated with being around people in altered states of consciousness. I do have friends that drink and if I attend gatherings where alcohol is served I merely leave when things become uncomfortable for me.

Being in house full of people that drink doesn't give me the option to leave but to isolate myself, this is the problem I would have with this kind of reunion where everyone is living under one roof for a period of time. I know in my heart that we will come to a compromise in the future, so I don't feel this is the end. However it is important for me to think of my sobriety first because without it, there would be no chance of seeing each other again.

I hope my family can forgive me for feeling this way at this moment and perhaps in the future I will learn to be around people that feel the need to alter their state of consciousness to find serenity.

This article Alcoholism and Addiction, The Sobering Facts of Spiritual Recovery has really helped me to clarify my thinking and to release the negative energy associated with the entire episode. It is just one more bump on the road of recovery and Spiritual Awakening. I hope and pray that one day I will get a phone call telling me that I don't mind abstaining from alcohol for three or four days, let's get together and on that day my heart will soar! Until then all I can do is pray and project unconditional love into the Universe, thank you for reading.

When to Drink Alcohol . . .

Do you think it is socially acceptable to drink in front of alcoholics?

  • I would only do so after asking them if it is all right and if it bothered them.
  • No, you should never drink in front of an alcoholic.
  • Yes, if other people have a problem with my drinking that is their problem not mine.
  • No, I only drink when it is in a proper and socially acceptable environment.
See results without voting

© 2016 somethgblue

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Comments 19 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 8 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

blue.....I don't need to mention (although this is exactly what I'm doing) that this is a very "different" hub than those written by you, I've become accustomed to reading.

An appreciated and quite moving write, my friend. I recall that you have mentioned in passing of your prior experience with eliminating these demons from your life. Knowing myself, I probably did not pry further on this issue.

This was an emotional ride for me, blue. and I'm about to spill them all upon you, so prepare yourself.

First of all, I'm saddened to be informed of how many years you struggled with addiction.....I'm sorry for you that you even went down that long lonely road. Your rock bottom had to have been devastating although necessary~~as you'd eventually come to know.

Of course I am so happy and proud of you that you "reached out" for the first time and then became determined to follow through each and every step thereafter. I'm afraid I know one too many who fell out in the middle or never reached out at all. Then there's my ex who has see-sawed for 40 years.....he's apparently content with being a "hopeless case." Many years ago after I set him free, he found himself the perfect partner-in-oblivion. Isn't that special.

I could just HUG you for having to deal with the unpleasant~ actually painful experiences with the family you love. Your attitude, perseverance and ability to forgive is a testament to your firm commitment and understanding of human nature.

Finally, I want you know you are quite a guy, an incredible inspiration to all who know you and I'm proud to be your friend.

Peace, Paula


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Well, thank you friend, sometimes you just have to make the hard choice and hope that everything will work itself out over time. For so many years I tried to be somebody I wasn't and not until just recently have I jettisoned some of that baggage.

It's very liberating and sad at the same time but time does have a way putting everything in perspective, so hopefully I live long enough to be a part of another miracle.

The bottom is a scary place and I have no wish to return to hell, so a difficult choice had to be made, thank you for reading.


Sparrowlet profile image

Sparrowlet 8 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

You have certainly been on an odyssey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening in your life. In some ways, you can thank alcoholism for this! Though, of course, you wouldn't want to go through it if you didn't have to. It sounds like you are on the right path now and are ready and able to help others who are walking the old paths that you once did. Good going and all the best to you for your bright future.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Thank you Sparrowlet, ever read the book The Sparrow? It's sort of science fiction meets the reality of Alien culture with the whole idea of forgiving yourself for things you can't control, good book.

Thanks for reading and feel free to share it with others if it resonates with you. Forgiveness is really the key to making a paradigm shift but its not just a one time event.


Jay C OBrien profile image

Jay C OBrien 8 months ago from Houston, TX USA

Very good article.

"They know for a fact that they couldn't come to my house and drink and this may be one of the reasons they have decided not to visit me,...."

Just an idea, why not have positive correspondence instead of being physically together?


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Please explain what you mean . . . up until the point I asked them from refraining from drinking around me we have had positive correspondence. So I guess where they draw the line is me asking them to do what any normal person would do.

What you must consider is that for almost 12 years I have allowed them to continue to behave in this manner, only when I put my foot down and asked for some respect did they discontinue not just positive correspondence any correspondence.

I'm not asking them to stop drinking, just around me and since I only see them once every 750 to 1,000 days, I don't think this is unreasonable.


sparkster profile image

sparkster 8 months ago from United Kingdom

I have to admire you greatly both for writing this hub and for your path ro recovery - trust me, I know the feeling (although I never had a problem with alcohol). If there's one thing I admire its a person who can find the strength within themselves to recover from addiction. Sadly, I was actually thinking about this a few nights ago and its shocking the amount of people I knew who are no longer with us due to addiction. That was a major life lesson for me. I like how you explained that your family member didn't have an interest in your usual topics and encouraged you to write about this much personal topic and then tied it in with spiritual awakening proving that your usual topics are indeed very relevant despite what that family member may believe. My own spiritual awakening came whilst I myself was recovering from over a decade of narcissistic mind control, as you probably know. It's often these kinds of things which lead us on to discovering the truth, kind of like a defense mechanism which kicks into action, and therefore your usual topics do indeed tie in with this very neatly. Clearly, that family member has not come to that realization yet - but I'm sure they will if they haven't already. Spiritual awakening often comes after addiction. Its just a shame that many people don't make it that far. Anyway, thank you for sharing. I sincerely hope this article provides insight and enlightenment to those who need it the most.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

So do I, it is interesting to me that it requires pain and suffering to create a willingness to open ones mind to new possibilities but of course it easier to see the light when surrounded by darkness.

It seems we truly are on similar paths, Sparkster, it would be nice to meet someday and you know I'm really beginning to feel that we are a lot closer to Full Disclosure than what anyone realizes, so meeting up or experiencing a whole new world with new potentials is really close.

I mean that I can feel a new energy in the air, is it synchronicity that it came at a time such as Easter?

People seem more loving and forgiving and just . . . I don't know how to express it but something is different.

Perhaps our perspectives have changed so much in the last 4 to 5 years that we are beginning to see the world through more aware eyes . . .


JSM00 8 months ago

I know I couldn't have gone a weekend or even a day without not drinking, even when asked to do so. I "hid" my drinking several times when I was around alcoholics and once when I stayed with a friend who asked me not to drink in his house. The fact that your family knows about your alcoholism and has responded in this fashion is unfortunate, but as we well know--not unusual. You must do what is best for your sobriety, even if it means alienating some family members. I applaud your course and would advise (if asked) you to not change a thing.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Thank you for understanding, it can be difficult to help folks understand these kinds of issues. It is not as if my family drinks a lot, they don't but they do drink everyday without fail.

After 12 years I have had enough, time to move on. Thanks for reading.


Jay C OBrien profile image

Jay C OBrien 8 months ago from Houston, TX USA

It is my understanding, God calls for reconciliation, non-condemnational thinking and forgiveness.


sparkster profile image

sparkster 8 months ago from United Kingdom

I feel it too. I think its amazing how much the world has changed in the last five years too and I'd like to think that both of us played our part in creating that change along with the countless others out there who are working on manifesting a better world for all of us.

You know, when I carried out that parapsychology experiment in 2007 (or perhaps I should call it transpersonal psychology), I worked on manifesting profound change which would affect masses of people and those changes seem to be happening - that sounds a little grandiose but I don't mean it in that way. I'm not accepting full responsibility for those changes but I do think the collective power of like-minded people has caused that change to take place and I am overwhelmed by some of the things I appear to have manifested which are affecting masses of people - can one individual create profound change in the world which affects the whole population - I absolutely believe so.

It would indeed be awesome to meet up some time and I've been keeping that possibility in mind ever since you first suggested it. I would love to make that happen. I would also like to meet up with other connections I've made too, especially the alien contactees, light workers, indigo children, celebrities, authors and high profile people that I've managed to develop connections with. I'm now connected with John Lear and also have a few big time authors, publishers and managing directors of television and radio station networks connected to me, in addition to psychologists, psychiatrists and parapsychologists and ufologists. I'm sure this is all leading to a very significant outcome.

It was also incredibly kind of you to offer to send me a new computer. However, I have found myself in possession of a brand new laptop. I had tried to manifest it by October so obviously it just came a little late... but it manifested just like everything else did. I now realize that my old computer packing in was simply a part of that manifestation.

Not sure if you've seen it but I did send an email in response to your suggestions. Cheers!


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

I haven't seen that email because I have just been bombarded with emails of late, heck my page views went up from a from around a 100 a day to over thousand from just the last few articles I have published and link them to interesting sites.

Here is one of them . . . https://www.facebook.com/sitsshow/

Stillness in the Storm

. . . and here is another https://www.facebook.com/thefulldisclosureproject

Full Disclosure Project

You would like both of them.

I have been saying all along that one person can make and difference and I think our articles have so we are living proof, not that I need any but it is nice.


sparkster profile image

sparkster 8 months ago from United Kingdom

Well, you seem to be doing well here at Hubpages. I wish I could say the same but it's all been going downhill rapidly for me at this site which I why I haven't been publishing much here. My ongoing traffic hasn't decreased that significantly (although it has decreased) and yet my earnings here have dwindled away to virtually nothing - I believe that my stats are not being counted properly and that my earnings here are suffering as a result and are not at all accurate. I just can't do it any more, it's becoming pointless, and it appears that I may be better off just publishing at my blogs instead.

I think Hubpages have shot themselves in the foot with some of the changes they've made over the last year of two - they haven't done themselves any justice and sadly most of my readers and the writers I was following here have already packed up and left. If things don't change here soon I'm going to have no choice but to pursue other avenues also.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

I have suspected for a very long time that the stats are inaccurate, for example for my 223 articles I have a little over 317,000 page views however when I go to other sites that track viewers they indicate that Somethgblue has closer to a million.

Now granted I'm sure there are different criteria for what constitutes a "view" but let's get real that is a big difference. It all comes down to greed and Hub Pages has proven they are just as greedy as the next capitalist on the block.

I haven't had a payout in a long time and really don't write for the money, just for the convenience but yeah HP has shot themselves in the foot no doubt.


Lipnancy profile image

Lipnancy 8 months ago from Hamburg, New York

I commend your efforts for trying to include your family in your spiritual path and transformation for the good. But perhaps they just are not ready to see your light or unable to due to their own addictions. But don't give up on them. Maybe they were not able to hear your truth for this reunion but maybe in the future you will be included.

And just a thought, sometimes our true families are not the one we were born from.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 8 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

I agree whole heartedly with everything you wrote above and perhaps this will be a way for them to reflect and consider the possibilities.

I have by no means given up and never will, we are all on various levels of our spiritual journey, who am I to say that one is better than another, after all the path leads to the same destination.

Thank you for commenting and reading!


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 6 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My admiration for you has grown miles. I feel truly sad that your mother could not support her son during his most needed support.

My own spiritual awakening came whilst I myself was trying to understand why I had chosen to be trapped into a dreadful unhappy marriage. I was nineteen when I married and after 33 years I was finally free. In the last five years of my marriage I wrote The Awakening Clan. It was my vision board, and it worked!

My children both emigrated when they were in their twenties so I felt free to move on no matter where it would take me. My family could not understand my fascination, writing about spiritual ascension, and my husband often used mind games to try to make me break down. They were all still stuck in religious dogma.

My children knew that their parents were very incompatible and they themselves made difficult choices in partnerships, and it took a few years not feel guilty about forcing them to live in a very unhappy home where both parents were fighting.

Daniel You mention free will; yes we are given free but from what level of awareness? If we have chosen our parents or caretakers and the environment to be born in in this reincarnation, when at what level of awareness do we consciously use our free will?

I came to the conclusion that the more ‘awake’ we become the more free will we have to our disposal to make decisions. This also means that the more we are responsible for our actions. Your family might not be the soul family you belong to, but they were your best teachers to get you were you are today! Your soul choose wisely.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 6 months ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Yes it did and to be fair my mother didn't have all the facts when she made her decision, so she was doing what she thought was best for everyone. I hold no grudges or resentment towards her or anyone else. Everything happens for a reason.

Our free will allows us to make choices but I still firmly accept the idea that much of our existence on this planet and in this particular life are guided in a certain direction. I think many of us that have awakened came here specifically to share this awakening perspective with others.

Think of all the countless people your stories and articles have influenced that you may never know of, you have planted the seed of awakening in so many people.

I absolutely love to read your articles, I can only say that about a handful of writers. As you well know I consume books and have a huge library but Nadine May's work is in my top ten . . . I think that says something.

One of the reasons I like you work is you ask questions and don't state this is a fact, take it or leave it, you grow along with us. My style is more in your face but your style is let's grow together.

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