How To Get Rid Of An Unwanted Pet Cat

Cats are not for everybody though amazingly there are 95.6 million owned cats in the United States according to the Humane Society of the U.S. What does this mean for you? Well if you are on this page you are looking for ways to get rid of your unwanted pet cat and these numbers I have just regurgitated to you suggest the household pet evacuation process is not as easy as one would think. Your next question may be "What the hell do you know about getting rid of pets Barcos?" Well I have written on this topic before...

http://barcos.hubpages.com/hub/10-Ways-To-Get-Rid-Of-A-Pet

and know that what the big boys in the pet removal game don't tell you is that one needs to be creative in order to successfully remove a pet from your life because the SPCA's of the world are too full. Now do I advocate pet violence? No! The following methods are intended to be as humane as possible though certain lines may be blurred by not having all the facts of your particular way of executing these ideas. Let's get on with these ideas already.

Ways To Get Rid Of Your Cat

  • 1. Find the Crazy Cat Lady: The easiest way of getting rid of your unwanted pet cat is to locate the Crazy Cat Lady in your neighborhood and drive there in the middle of the night performing the old "jump and dump". You are probably wondering "How do I tell what a Crazy Cat Lady's house looks like?" Well my unlucky friend there are usually 15 - 45 cats circling the grounds of this forsaken place and it will appear hazy as the odor of cat poop and stale Friskies permeates the air. Add in the millions of hungry hopping fleas that cloud the sky like a plague and you have Crazy Cat Lady potpourri. Also, if you see the owner, they will look tired, covered in cat hair, and will talk to these animals as if they were all married in some sort of unhappy polygamist arrangement. The Crazy Cat Lady's DNA is purrfect for this new burden because 1. she can't say no to a cat that magically appears from the heavens, and 2. has mastered the operations of cat rearing with economies of scale that rival Henry Ford's assembly line.
  • 2. Take to the SPCA: Now you are probably wondering why I would tell you to take a cat to the SPCA after I already stated that unadopted animals at a shelter like this will eventually be put to sleep. Well folks I'm giving you the option because I know those few readers that read this, who have a heart, who beat me up for this other gem of a blog, http://barcos.hubpages.com/hub/10-Ways-To-Get-Rid-Of-A-Pet, need to be right about something, and though this option probably has a lower probability than Chewbacca scoring with Princess Leia, it is viable, I guess.
  • 3. ReGift as a Birthday Gift: For some of you this saga started with receiving a cat as a present or buying the kitty for another as a gift. Well it's time to regift the gift and who are the recipients that can't say "no" the best? Kids and their parents of course. So here's what you do. Place cat in a box wearing latex gloves, wrap, and punch air holes in the package without stabbing the cat, Buy a card, sign, and put in $20, Go to a kid's birthday party that is outdoors preferably so you can easily escape if the gig is up, Leave card and cat on gift table on separate ends so that they will not be associated with each other without anyone seeing you. Enjoy as both are both are opened. Your cover story? You gave the card with $20 and that is all you know.


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  • 4. Teach Your Cat A New Trick: Dogs that perform tricks come a dime a dozen. Cats that perform tricks are rare like women that date broke, ugly people. If you are willing to spend a little time with your cat before shipping him out you can teach him a skill set that will benefit him in his next adventure. There are a fare number of animal troupes springing up these days.across the globe and they are cashing in on the entertainment starved public's desire for strange acts. Teach your cat to play keyboard and he can play in a Bon Jovi cover band. Don't have that kind of time? Teach him how to jump over stuff or hang on a tight rope and he'll be a perfect fit in one of these gigs.

Cat Performing Stunts

  • 5. Buy A Dog: A bit counter intuitive but perfectly scientific, this solution pits natural enemies against each other. If you want your cat gone then get a dog that will either chase the cat away, forcing it to find food elsewhere or that will engage your cat in an epic throw down over territorial rights that will leave one pet standing and one ready for a retirement home. It's your choice of what kind of dog breed to get but make sure this animal is surely. Too nice of a canine and you'll end up with two free loading pets on your hands who share meals and your bed when you are at work.
  • 6. Go Underground: The general rule when creditors start calling your house and knocking on the door is to run and hide. Sometimes it's as easy as screening your calls and others it's a matter of packing up and moving playing a game of hide and seek or better yet, cat and mouse. Well cats are like creditors in their own selfish ways like at dinner time when they come inside and rub their butt on you taxing your kindness for a free meal. Since cats are territorial and do their own thing throughout the day it is easy to move away when they are of the house roaming the neighborhood and unless cats have tracking technology that I don't know about it is a safe bet you can get away free and clear. Oh yeah, don't tell your neighbors where you are going either.

Cat Juggling

  • 7. Don't Do Anything Crazy!: If you meet a cat juggler that needs your cat for a gig in Tiuana don't fall for it! More than likey your cat will end up a taco or something worse. If all these ideas fail and the few you came up made matters worse, relax, take a deep breathe. You can always always take your cat with you to a bar and as you are brainstorming over your next move use the cat as a chick magnet, or dude bait, to drum up a conversation with a hot person. Either your sob story will find the cat a new owner, get you a date, or give you a chance to network so that you can keep the momentum of getting rid of your unwanted cat going. Don't freak out and do anything crazy. You will get rid of your unwanted cat sooner or later and get a good buzz in the process. Good luck!

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Comments 2 comments

Steve 2 years ago

My mother in law died yesterday. I do not want the dog but I do not want to be cruel . What should I do ?? No jokes please


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Barcos 2 years ago from San Francisco Author

Check out my other Hub.... http://hubpages.com/entertainment/10-Ways-To-Get-R... for a laugh and to lighten your spirits. Then I'd suggest contacting the SPCA or PAWS to see how they help place pets in new homes. Craigslist also be a route to find a family to take you MIL's dog. I've had success with CL before. Good luck and sorry for your loss!

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